Prologue

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Numb, I am numb. I have been numb ever since I left.  I didn’t notice it at first. At first I thought I was just missing him, my dad, and my friends back at home. That was until my mom said something. She told me when I was 6 months pregnant that she thought I was depressed. She had me tested. And I was.

Depression. Depression is not what everyone thinks it is. Depression is not when you are feeling sad for a few days. Depression is when it’s a struggle to leave the bed and put clothes on. Depression is when you have trouble going outside because it hurts too much. You feel like there is no need anymore. That you should just leave…. Of course, I couldn’t because I had a baby inside me and the thought of killing me was selfish.

When Ivy was born my mother told me she hadn’t seen me smile so much ever since we left. She was right. My therapist told me that Ivy was making me better. Like she was my own medicine. She thought, along with my mother that since I had someone who loves me just as much as I love them, made me feel better. I didn’t agree, knowing the depression would be here again… and it did return.

Ivy was 5. I told my therapist that the sadness was coming back. She put me on some anti-depressants and I guess that’s when the numbness started to take over.

I wanted to get better I really did. I still do. I try to be the best mother I can be for Ivy. I moved into a nice house near the beach for Ivy and me, I have a nice job… but that numb feeling will never go away.

That is until he comes back. 

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HERE IT IS YOU GUYS!!!!

So, this is basically what has happened the past few years and such so I don't have to explain it all in other chapters. Thoughts so far?

On the side is the one and only Rosalie :)

-Cheyenne xx

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