Face off

Objection for reason of deflection

Apologies friends Tw: SA and there is a lot of dialogue here. Also not a lawyer so have no idea how court proceeding work but I tried lmao. Editing is a later issue.

Willow.

After Chase left, I began to regret it immediately. Although he hurt me, a part of me was happy to see him, touched that he showed up here. But that part of me was overshadowed by the piece that couldn't handle his actions. He made me feel worthless after tryung so hard to be a supportive boyfriend ther night of the incident. Then he just shut down. How could he not see that all I wanted was a sense of normalcy? To know that he didn't think this was all my fault; that I deserved this. He had the nerve to tell me that wasn't what he was doing?

When the struggle ensued, my conflicted emotions raged against eachother. Furious at what he did and that he didn't take the hint when I quit answering my phone. Touched that he showed up to talk to me, confused because I was finding it hard to stay focussed on being angry with his weight baring down on me. They all masked the panic that began to simmer.

Until it all went wrong. As soon as his hand came into contact with my neck, I lost it. Instant panic washed through me. He was larger, stronger, and currebntly holding me undre him just like Will had so many times. It wasn't until after he left that I acknowledged his hand wasn't exactly wrapped around me, cutting if the air supply, but just underneath my jaw bone. The panic was what ceased my breathing.

He was everywhere all at once, like the lastr time someone had their hand there, my back pinned to a tree, the time before thatr I had been pinned to a bed just the same way Chase had me. I couldn't register that he wasn't being agressive, he wasn't getting off on the placement of his hands, he wasn't furiously chasing an orgasm he thought my body owed him. It didn't matter in that moment all I knew what his hand was on my neck and I couldn't breathe.

I saw the way his heart dropped when I compared him to Will, but he couldn't see what he did wrong? Why even thinking to try it was wrong? So idecided to be angry again. Angry that He was ice cold then red hot, angry that I allowed Will to mistreat me under the ruse "It was an accident, I'm so sorry baby,". or "You're crazy, thats not how it happened. Stop over reacting,". Most of all I was furious with mhyself for pyutting up with it for so long, for not breaking up with him the first time he scared me. For putting myself in a position where he thought he had enough control over me to attack me on the trail and try to convince me that I still wanted him.

For a split second Chase put himself in a situation that was too close to something traumatic and I couldn't handle it. I hated him, but I wanted him. I wanted him to tell me everything was okay. I wanted to lay down in his bed, wearing his clothes while I pressed up against him. But I didn't deserve that after what I did to him, and he made it clear he couldn't treat me the same. I needed to see him, but I wanted nothing to do with him.

As if that could even be arranged right now. Two days had passed since then and I was now getting ready to walk into a court room where I would have to see him, hear him talk about our relationship, anout what happened to me. A room full of strangers was about to hear my worst secret and my greatest fear. John had assured me he would be there with me every step of the way which gave very little comfort.

As per his advice, I wore a modest navy blue long sleeve shirt that allowed what was left of my bruises to be shown but not the main focus, so his lawyer couldn't make an accusation. The evidence that was in the photos would be clear to see in a respectful way. He had said that covering them up would lead the way to an accusation of them not existing, or being enhanced with makeup. Since he was such a "Promising young man " We had to pull out all the stops. That phrase was quickly becoming the bane of my existence.