One-Shot Collection: L Lawliet x Reader

✞ Perfection ✞

For a couple of weeks now, you have not felt well at all. You were slacking on your homework, forgetting things you were asked to do at work, and always forgetting something in the office before you went home. Everyone had noticed your strange behaviour but had assumed it was because you were in that time of the month. 

As time went on, however, they noticed something else going on, but nothing that particularly worried or alarmed them - after all, you were just distracted. Nevertheless, that morning when you arrived at the office it was the first time in the two years you had been working for L that you had been late - on the day of a very important meeting. You rushed in, but it was all over, The members of HQ tried not to talk about it, but you started asking what they had discussed and they had processed so much information that they told you that you would find out later. You tried to be a little more insistent, as you didn't want to fall further behind in your work, and that made Aizawa really mad. 

"If you wanted to know everything, you should have been on time," he shouted at you, annoyed that you wouldn't let him continue with his reports. 

Suddenly all eyes were on you. Without a word, you looked down and remained silent for several minutes until you finally ripped your badge from your chest and left it on Aizawa's desk, who was speechless at your behaviour while the others gasped in surprise. You turned to leave, but Matsusa stopped you:

"Where are you going (Y/N)?" he was the only one who didn't understand what you had just done. But you didn't bother to explain, you started walking towards the exit.

"Good, so you won't hinder the investigation any longer," Aizawa complained, thinking you were a coward for giving up at the slightest stupid conflict.

You stopped your footsteps, clenching your fists, fighting every part of your being to remain silent. But you couldn't any longer, if you were going to lose your dream job anyway, at least you were going to make a scene.

"You know what, Aizawa? I've had enough of being perfect all the time" To start with, you let your hair down and let them see you dishevelled, fighting against the rebelliousness of your hair. Then you took off your suit jacket and even took off your shoes, which had a bit of a heel and made you tired. "I'm sorry for having hindered the investigation all this time, but you know what? It's hard to be an exemplary student, at the top of my class at university. It's hard to try to have whatever kind of personal life I need to have to look like the dangerous job I have. I noticed two months ago that I was being followed and it's because Kira's followers already suspected that I was working with L and obviously I didn't want to expose them; that's why I asked for a few days. I haven't spoken to my family for years and now my father is back and asking me to give him one of my kidneys because he is ill, although I have never seen him in person before, he now remembers he has a daughter and says I am ungrateful for not lending him money for his drink when he was never there for me and never paid a penny after he separated from my mum, who by the way is in the last stages of skin cancer, thanks for asking. I have months left with her, but I can't do something as selfish as giving up research that could save the world from a psychopathic killer just for my own selfish interests. And let's not forget that on top of all this, I have to take care of my security systems business, which by the way is going bankrupt due to my absence and lack of time to attend to it. I could let it die because I don't need money, but I would be letting go of generations of effort from the women in my family. Oh, and of course, I can't afford to make a single mistake in research, in absolutely nothing I do because it all goes to shit. I'm sorry if I'm human and let some things get to me. As much as I fight my problems, sometimes they can get to me and I think being late for work one day is nothing compared to what I'm going through, but I'm fine, thanks for asking. I'm glad you have this interest and empathy for me after knowing me for over twenty-four months, especially after you had problems with your wife and I let you sleep on my couch for a couple of nights.

And suddenly, silence, only your reddened face, and agitated breathing existed in that revealing and uncomfortable moment.

Of course, they didn't know you were going through all that, and they wanted to think it wasn't their responsibility, but you were right. Despite being more than co-workers, i.e. your friends, they hadn't checked up on you for a long time, and you had been left out.

Working on Kira's case could be very draining on its own, both physically and mentally. The guys forgot that there was a woman in the barracks and often when they chatted with each other they either didn't include you in the conversations or mistakenly assumed you were fine because you were single and had no family of your own, just like Matsuda, but you were bright and capable, and he was a jerk.

"I'm so sorry, (Y/N)," Matsuda lowered his head apologetically, "I had no idea you were going through something like this."

"We're all sorry," Light interjected, reaching over to touch your shoulder. You're absolutely right. We should have been more considerate of your feelings. "Please, take all the time you need to sort things out, if you want to keep helping with the investigation, we'll give you small tasks and when you feel ready you can go back to normal."

"No," interjected L, who had listened to everything without taking his eyes off the computer, thoughtfully. "I'm sorry, (Y/N) but I don't think this job is for you.2

Your heart broke into a thousand pieces. If there was a worse reaction than Aizawa's, it was L's. After all the effort you'd put in, she was just going to throw you away. He didn't care about the fact that you quit.

"How can you be so insensitive?" Surprisingly, this time it was Mr. Yagami who joined the conversation. (Y/N) is going through a hard time and it's our duty to help.

"Yes, I can understand that. But he is not in a state to continue working on the investigation. I might consider giving her some time off, but I can't allow her to stay here when she's emotionally unstable," said L, dropping the sugar cubes into her coffee without much concern.

"She's human, L. We've all been there at one time or another, even you," Light insisted.

"That's true, but you're forgetting one detail," he finally stood up from his chair and turned to face them, his gaze locked on yours. "None of us seeks to be perfect. We don't care how others perceive us, nor do we try harder than is physically or mentally possible. You're trying too hard and it's going to make you sick."

"So, I'm supposed to give up?" You put both hands on your hips in anger. "After all the hard work I've put into this case, you throw me away when I'm not some unfeeling robot, just because I'm not the perfect detective?"

"I never asked you to join the investigation because you were perfect, I did it because you're smart and capable. You are indispensable to this operation, but if you think for one moment that I'm going to encourage you to stay here at the cost of your mental health then you don't know me as well as I thought you did."

"It's just a fancy way of saying that the moment someone shows feelings, that's the end of their work with you."

L let out a long sigh, scratching the back of his neck before taking lazy steps towards you, standing face to face.

"I can't believe you're making me say it... (Y/N), If you stay and I have to watch you suffer like this I won't be able to do anything about the Kira case. I care too much about you to pass something like this by. These days that you've been feeling down we haven't been able to move forward, but it's not because of your deficiency, it's because I'm lost in my thoughts, wondering what could have you like this. I didn't want to invade your personal life so I didn't do anything about it for the first few days, but you looked so sad that I ended up spending hours researching everything you just said. If I didn't mention it before it's because frankly, I thought you would come to me at some point and talk about it, but now I see that you were trying to appear strong in front of everyone. I don't need you to be perfect, and I don't need you to try harder than you can afford to right now. All I want right now, no, in fact, all I need right now is for you to get well so I don't have to worry about you and focus back on work."

"Sounds like someone likes (Y/N)," Light teased, L put a thumb to his lip, looking up at the ceiling.

"He might be right," he shrugged, blushing, "And that's another reason for you not to work on the research for the time being. You can count me as a friend, but please let's leave our working relationship for now."

You didn't give him a chance to say anything else and threw yourself at him, hanging onto his neck as you hugged him. His support was all the strength you needed to keep going.