"I'm not lost. I'm not having a midlife crisis. What I just said was a reaction from feeling attacked and cornered. I apologize for my offensive language and oversharing." Aelsa declared. "I have bit my tongue with every single one of you at one point or another over the past 10 fucking years." Aelsa shouted. "I have witnessed you making decisions that I wouldn't make and told you of your idiocy." Tyland rolled his eyes. "I've rolled my eyes and sometimes cringed as well, Ty." She added. "But I've done my very best to let you find your way. Let you be you because if we were all me life would be messy. But as hand of the king is it my duty to lead you and if you think I'm being irrational and blame my fucking hormones one more time..." Aelsa threatened.
"YOu know life is incredibly hard all by itself. High expectations and stern judgments only serve to bring people down and make them feel bad about themselves. I make a handful of shit decisions." Aelsa went on. Otto couldnt help but feel like that was directed at their night together. "Your actions are between you and your God. I won't tell you what to think, who to love, or what you should or shouldn't do with your body. Here's the deal. You do your shit and if doesnt interfere with mine and castles then I dont want to know." Aelsa demanded. "Now. Stop fucking patronizing me!"
"What were we talking about?" Alicent questioned confused as she looked around the table.
"I dont even remember." Tyland countered.
"Great. Lets finish for today." Aelsa decided.
"We didnt discuss-" Beesbury began.
"I'm done." Aelsa corrected already heading out. Otto chased after her. "Dont otto." Aelsa demanded.
"I just thought we should talk." Otto countered.
"NO." Aelsa demanded. "I need not to talk to your species again." otto chuckled. "I have a husband, whom I love."
"I know, you said that.... after." Otto agreed.
"Dont." Aelsa warned.
"I wont tell him." Otto assured.
"You make me crazy." Aelsa whispered shaking her head.
"We make each other crazy, we are good at it." Otto agreed.
"You know I have always wanted my children to be honest and smart and brave. I wanted them to be kind. I think I did a good job at that." Aelsa remarked turning to face otto before looking back at the papers on her desk.
"They are sweet kids." Otto agreed.
"The one lesson that mattered the most to me while raising my kids was for them to know that being kind and decent humans and showing love to everyone they come across, because you dont know what that person is going through... so kindness is free and it could make someones day, and that is the greatest purpose, making a difference is great but kindness, to those that deserve it... maybe the only true purpose you have in this life that anyone is capable of. We all have the capability for goodness and kindness and I... I..." Aelsa huffed out a breath.
"What?" Otto questioned.
"I am a monster." Aelsa decided. "I have a great husband, father of my children, he is the best thing to happen to me and yet I fucked up. I am a monster."
"YOu are not, we- we made a mistake." Otto offered.
"I thought we could be friends but I dont think we can." Aelsa realized.
"Aelsa we-"
"I love you Otto and thats a problem." Aelsa remarked. "I was awful to Larys by doing what I did with you. He didnt deserve that. He didnt deserve my infidelity and I can't..."
"I understand." Otto agreed. But his gaze said otherwise, it was heated and passionate and made Aelsa's do flip flops.
"I need you to leave, Otto." Aelsa begged.
"Okay." OTto agreed. "I will wait for your call."
"Otto' Aelsa breathed back.
"For the next meeting, lady hand." Otto assured kissing her hand. "YOu need not feel the way you do."
"If roles were reversed you are saying you would be fine?"
"What?" Otto countered.
"If we wed and I decided to have a secret love affair with Larys." Aelsa clarified. "You would be a-okay with that?" Otto clenched his jaw. "Thought not. Get out. I hate myself enough as it is, now i have to figure out how to break my husbands heart."
YOU ARE READING
Bad Idea Right? / Otto Hightower / Larys Strong (2)
FanfictionAelsa Lannister was hand of king, the first woman hand in history and she couldnt let anything get in her way of her success. So when she got pregnant her plans shifted. She needed a husband that didnt care that she was carrying another mans child...
