Suffering, Silenced ~[A Tokio Hotel Story]~

Depending on Decisions |26

Darias POV:

Walking, walking. Bill walks beside me silently. All I could think about is the separation between me and Daria, I was tired of it. Maybe I was just running away. Running away because I can't talk. But I can't suck it up. Why is it going so badly for me? I just miss how she was before, I should have appreciated her before. But I was blind, and I hurt her unintentionally. Maybe I'm the one who needs help? Maybe I'm the problem? My heart ached, replaying memories. I think I realise, what I said and did. I was awful. I leave her every-time she lashes out on me. Maybe I was meant to stay? Talk to her? No. No thats not it. Walking, walking. I still can't stop thinking, why can't it just go back to normal?

Walking, walking, I reach our hotel room and said bye to Bill. I brace myself and unlock the door slowly, I was expecting someone to be in the bed like always but she wasn't there. I sighed a sigh of relief. I guess I still had time to think, think about what I want to say, try to make it better. But I can't do it alone... No... I know doing it alone will just fuck this up even more.

I walk over to the bed and lay there, staring at the blank ceiling above me. I really want to ask Gustav for advice, seems like it worked with Kristina. But he probably doesn't see me like he sees Kristina. Ever since I explained Kristina's little sob story, they all coddle her like she's a baby. But I'm just left here. I can't get any help because I didn't go through what she did.

My feelings confused me... I didn't know what to feel. I'm not angry, yet I still yell back. I'm not sad, yet I still cry. I'm not happy, yet I still smile.

I have never felt this way. Why am I feeling this way? Is it her or me?

I grab the pillow beside me and shove my face into it, muffling my scream. I was so lost, I don't know what to do. Can someone please tell me what to do! Please... Someone. I can't help... I can't do this alone. Gustav?...
Tell me what I have to do! Tell me what I have to say! Help me.