Bucket List [Yoonmin]

36.

"How does it feel to not use oxygen anymore? Is it still as great as it sounds?" Yoongi asked with wide hopeful eyes.

Hoseok laughed through the screen while nodding his head, "It's fucking great, Yoongi."

He smiled, "Ahh! I bet so. I have to ask you every time we speak now because I just can't believe it. You have functioning lungs and you're out of this place and it's great."

Hoseok's smile got sad, "I wish you were too."

Yoongi shrugged, "Yeah me too but the food here is nice. Yesterday Taehyung let me eat pizza which he rarely does because it's not nutritious enough."

"Oh yeah. Their foods great. I might get sick just to eat it again."

Yoongi chuckled, "Let's meet up. I'll give you something."

"All jokes aside, you will get your transplant soon."

"I want one but I don't know who I am without my disease. Who am I without the medications, without the oxygen, without the feeding tube? I can't see myself as a person anymore."

Yoongi's chest tightened. When he spoke to Hoseok he felt like he could say things he couldn't to anyone else. Not to Jin or Jeongyeon who were his long lifetime friends because who wants to hear their sick friend confess their insecurities and fears?

"I feel that way too, you know." Hoseok said. "I've been taken care of my whole life and now that I'm not bound to that hospital I don't know it's weird. I've been cleared to move away from the hospital. I don't...I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I was stuck with the same routine and now I can actually do things for myself. It's kind of odd to have so much independence all of the sudden."

Yoongi nodded, "I know. It's very difficult to break away from that cycle. I'm sure you will get used to it soon enough."

A knock on Hoseok's door made him turn away from the camera view. His mother whispered something Yoongi couldn't quite hear.

"Oh okay. I'm about to be done."

His mother exited and he focused back on Yoongi. "Something exciting happened?" He wondered with curiosity.

Hoseok laughed, "Apparently I have another visitor. People love to come see me now because I guess having surgery gives them a reason too."

Yoongi wrinkled his nose, "Tell me about it. When I got my feeding tube everyone came to see me. I got ten 'Get Well' cards and a shit ton of fruit baskets."

"At this rate I can build a castle with my 'Get Well' cards."

They laughed until it simmered down. Yoongi had a sad look in his eyes and Hoseok knew the cause of it. He could pretend all he could but his eyes told it all.

"Hey how have you been holding up? With Jimin you know?"

He sighed, "I truly am okay. I shouldn't have ever told you guys about it. Now that's all you three worry about."

Yoongi internally cringed. He knew his friends meant well, but he hated the fact that they kept reminding him of the incident he so badly wanted to forget.

Not because it wasn't important, but because he had to in order to protect his heart. He had already set himself up for failure once and he wouldn't do it again.

"We care. I don't mean to sound like a record on repeat. Just know that I'm here for you if you need to talk to me."

"Okay thanks." He said with a small smile. "I better let you go so you can get another 'Get Well Card'."