RESTLESS HEARTS

CHAPTER 33

•JULIANA•

I was a mess. This wasn't something I'd ever imagined doing, being stuck in a situation like this.

Usually, I was good at solving problems, but this one caught between the lines of love and life, had me stumped.

Avoiding him was my coping strategy. Throughout the day, I busied myself, pretending to be engrossed in other tasks. Truth was, I couldn't bear to face him.

Looking at him meant making a decision. Letting him go seemed impossible, and the pain was creeping in, slow and steady.

Every glance we exchanged, every smile he gave, dug the knife deeper into my chest. Guilt clawed at my insides, eating away at me.

Distancing myself now seemed logical before things got worse. I knew he'd hate me if he discovered the truth.

That's why ending it now was the right call, even if it felt all wrong.

Shawn deserved happiness, and he deserved to know the truth. I could only pick one option: he leaves me, or I let him go first.

The latter seemed like the lesser evil.

I put the suitcase down, ready to face the inevitable. As the doorknob turned, our eyes met when he entered.

He noticed the suitcase, confusion etched on his face. Closing the door, he approached me.

My grip tightened on the handle, my face a mask.

"What's happening?" he asked.

I gripped harder, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

"We both know this is the right thing, as hard as it is."

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Jules... what's going on?"

I managed a weak smile.

"This isn't the life you deserve, Shawn. We tried, but it's just not it. Not for you, at least."

"Jules! You're not making sense right now," he yelled.

"You're going home, Shawn! That's what I'm saying."

He paused, confusion flickering in his eyes.

"I don't understand. Why?"

I pushed the suitcase between us, maintaining distance. I couldn't let him get closer; it would shatter my resolve.

"You have to go back to your family, Shawn."

His brows furrowed.

"What? No. Jules, you know why I can't do that. We've talked about this, c'mon. I left that life and chose to be here. To be with you."

His words hit me hard, tears welling up.

"I'm glad you wanted to stay, Shawn. I cherish the moments we've had. But let's face it. You miss your family. You can't change who you are for me. They're waiting for you to come home."

His jaw clenched, determination in his eyes.

"You don't get to decide for me. I'm staying, end of discussion."

A tear escaped, but I didn't wipe it away. This was worse than I'd feared. How could I make him understand?

I pushed the suitcase aside, closing the gap. Cupping his face, I forced a smile.

"I get that you're angry, but think about it, Shawn. You know deep down you miss them. You can't ignore that."

He looked at me, torn between confusion, sadness, and anger. I took his hand in mine, meeting his gaze.

"You can't keep them waiting forever, they don't deserve that. I know for a fact that they need their son and their older brother to come home. Being here with you feels like a dream, Shawn. I wish we had more time for it to last forever. But reality is waiting for us. It's time to go back."

For a moment, he stared, expression blank. When he placed his hand over mine, I knew he'd given in.

It hurt, but I ignored it, wrapping my arms around him. He held me close, and I realized this might be the last time.

I wanted to cling on, but I knew I couldn't. Letting him go meant letting go of us too. Putting everything on hold until he sorted things out was the only choice. The future held uncertainty, but for now, space was the best option. I hoped that when we reunited, I'd have the courage to tell him the truth before someone else did. It was a slim chance, but I'd hold onto it.

That was a promise I intended to keep.