RESTLESS HEARTS

CHAPTER 40

•JULIANA•

It felt strange when Shawn wanted to see me at my hotel room this early, especially since we had just agreed yesterday that he would pick me up for dinner tonight. I couldn't help but wonder why he had suddenly changed his mind.

Putting my phone down, I got up to go to the bathroom and take a shower. I couldn't figure out why he was here so early, but I decided to get ready just in case he had other plans for the day.

After my shower, I put on some jeans and a thin-strapped top. I wrapped a towel around my head and looked for suitable shoes while waiting for my hair to dry.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. I straightened up and went to answer it, expecting to see Shawn outside. I greeted him with a smile, but he didn't reciprocate. Instead, he brushed past me and entered the room, his expression cold.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked, but he ignored my question and pulled out a dark brown underneath his arm.

"Do you have something to tell me?" he demanded, making my heart skip a beat.

"No, what are you talking about?" I replied, clenching my fists nervously.

"Are you sure about that?" he narrowed his eyes, his tone sharp. I took a few steps closer, trying to understand the situation.

"Shawn, what's going on?"

He threw the brown folder onto the small table, papers and pictures spilling out.

"Have a look," he said, his tone clipped. "Look at the fucking pictures, Juliana!"

I flinched at the sudden intensity of his voice. Trembling, I picked up the photos and examined them. They revealed me on a CCTV camera at the docks in Hawaii, sneaking onto Connor's yacht, pretending to be part of the crew. The images captured me serving Connor's friends and lowering the zin boat into the water.

My worst fear had come true. Shawn had found out the truth, and the reality of the situation hit me like a tidal wave.

"Why'd you do it?" Shawn's voice was low, sending chills down my spine.

I looked up at him, tears streaming down my face, and placed the pictures behind me on a chair without breaking eye contact.

"Why did you do it?" he yelled, his anger palpable. I reached out to touch him, but he pulled away.

"Shawn, please, just let me explain."

"For money? For the thrill of killing people?" he spat, his words cutting deep. 

"Which one, Jules?"

Tears choked my throat as I tried to speak. "You've got it all wrong."

"Wrong?" he repeated, his anger escalating. "Am I wrong about you being a killer? Or about you not just killing one of my friends?"

His words felt like a sharp blade, piercing my chest and making it hard to breathe.

"All I want to know is why you did it. Why?" he demanded.

I closed my eyes, tears pouring down my face, before meeting his gaze again.

"I did it because I had to, Shawn. I had no other choice."

He laughed bitterly. "No other choice? Are you fucking kidding me right now?"

"You don't understand," I argued. "It's not that simple in where I'm from. I had to do it to survive, to get out of that world. If I hadn't done it, I wouldn't be here right now. We wouldn't have met either."

His eyes softened for a brief moment before hardening again.

"You lied to me, Jules. About everything."

I scoffed and wiped my tears away with the back of my hand.

"What was I supposed to say, Shawn? Share about my family and that I was raised to become an assassin? Would you have still liked me if I had told you all that?"

He gave me a slow headshake, his eyes locked onto mine, and I struggled to keep it together under that piercing gaze. His look stung.

It's like he doesn't even recognize me anymore.

"I feel like I don't know you, Jules. You could've just been honest with me from the start."

I moved closer, gently reaching for his hand while holding his gaze.

"I tried, Shawn. I swear, I did. I was just scared you'd hate me."

He closed his eyes and turned away, his jaw tensing.

"Yeah, you're right. I do hate you for what you've done. For taking my best friend's life and nearly getting us all killed at the same time. You don't deserve any form of forgiveness from me."

My chest ached as he withdrew his hand. The pain twisted deeper.

"I'm sorry. I didn't have the chance to tell you."

"You had every chance!" He yelled. "You could've also said no to your father and spared yourself this nightmare."

"If I could have chosen a different family, I would've in a heartbeat. You know how much I've talked about getting away and starting a new life in a different world, you knew all that Shawn! I told you all that because it's true. Freedom and happiness don't just come on a silver platter like it was for you. For me, it comes with a heavy price to pay."

My voice quivered towards the end, but I fought to stay strong. The tears streamed down my face, but I didn't wipe them away. He needed to that I had reached my most vulnerable point right now, to know I was speaking the truth.

"Then why didn't you tell me everything?" His voice softened.

"Because of this! I was afraid of this exact moment. I was afraid of losing you like this. I got scared that you hating me would change everything between us." I confessed with a trembling voice, sniffing back the sob that threatened to escape.

"You kept it from me for a whole year when we were together. I gave up everything for you! I wanted that fresh start with you, but you thought we would last by keeping this from me?"

The blade dug an inch deeper into my heart, and I clenched my fists so hard they drew blood from my palms.

"If I didn't love you, I'd be putting you behind bars right now."

If I didn't love you...

Those words pushed the blade even deeper, a knot tightening in my throat as tears continued to fall.

"I should've seen it coming. Fuck, I should've known." He muttered and cursed under his breath.

He looked at me and stepped back, away from me.

"You should've made sure that I died during that explosion as well. So I wouldn't have to live and got to fall in love with you." 

The blade plunged fully into my chest, and it felt like my heart stopped, overwhelmed by the pain.

"We're done. I don't want to see you again. Ever, if possible."

My heart plummeted, shattered into a million pieces by his words. I called his name once, then twice, trying to stop him from leaving, but he never glanced back. He opened the door and closed it in my face.

I leaned my head against the door, slowly sinking to the floor as the sobs finally broke free.

The pain engulfed me the moment he left, and I wept.

The one good thing, the best thing that happened to me after leaving the Mafia world, was now gone.

Gone because of a secret I hadn't revealed. Gone because I was the reason his friend was dead. Gone because my love and trust weren't enough to give me the courage to tell him everything.

I had lost him. He was gone, and there was no way to turn back time and fix it.

Everything is over. He didn't want me anymore.