It's Always You

Chapter 40: Things To Do

TW: Suicide attempt

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Alexis sat in a chair, the soft breeze of the night causing the tips of tree branches to tap against the window periodically. Mutt was laying on the foot of the bed, snoring softly. She didn't know what to do. She was still processing everything Miranda had told her just the other day. Rotting from the inside out, what a hell of a way to go.

She placed to book aside and sighed, covering her face with her hands and squeezing her eyes shut. The room was completely silent aside from the small hissing sound from a candle when it got too close to the wax. Turning her head to the side, she spotted the personal items resting on the dresser. She had brought with her from the Factory. She couldn't help but wonder how Garrett was doing, while running the Factory by himself.

As quietly as she could so that Mutt didn't wake, she got up from the bed and went to the dresser. She started down at her jacket and knife, but her eyes lingering on the magnum that Luca Bucur had given her. It was ironic that it was the same weapon that took his life along with his sister.

Killing him didn't make her feel better, just empty. She just wanted the memories of her teenage years with him to fade away, but they didn't. They were persistent, torturing her like her own personal hell of her own making. Tears started to sting her eyes as memory after memory flashed before her eyes. Oh, how she wished she did thing differently. Even if she could go back in time, she wasn't sure if she could change the outcome. Maybe that was just her life, filled with regrets that would kill her in time. Accidents she was meant to be in. Maybe she was getting what she deserved for killing an innocent woman who hadn't done anything to her. 

She took hold of the gun, opening her mouth and placing the barrel of the gun within. She barely even knew what she was doing, but didn't care. It was like her body was on autopilot, being controlled by something that wasn't her. No matter how much she wanted to pull the trigger, her fingers wouldn't move from it's spot. More tears rolled down her face as she pulled the gun out of her mouth when the reality of what she was doing hit her.

She checked the chamber of the pistol and sure enough, there was a bullet in it. She blinked a few times and checked the safety. It was off. Her heart sank as she set it down, stumbling back against the bed and sliding to the ground. What the hell was wrong with her?

Before she could even begin to answer that question, there was a knock on the door. Mutt's head immediately shot up, his ears perked up and a low rumble rising in his throat. The door opened and in stepped Miranda. Instantly, the dog stopped growling and trotted up to her with a happy grin.

The priestess gave the dog and gentle pat on the head before looking to Alexis. She didn't say anything, just kneeled down and pulled the woman into a warm embrace. Alexis didn't say anything and returned the hug, burying her face into her shoulder as tears continued to roll down her face, creating a small wet spot  on Miranda's shoulder. 

''You haven't been sleeping much, you should try to rest.'' she said quietly, pulling away from Alexis and cupping her cheek.

''Not tired.'' Alexis muttered, her eyes avoiding Miranda's and lingering on the magnum still resting on the dresser as her tears ceased. One way or another, everything she knew would be erased no matter how much she didn't want it to. Miranda followed her gaze to the magnum and her eyes widened. Immediately, her head snapped back to Alexis, who still didn't look at her.

''Alexis...'' she cupped her cheek once more, forcing the woman to look at her. ''I am going to help you. I will find a treatment, I promise.''

''Please, Miranda, don't make promises you can't-''