In the Shadows - Sebastian Sallow x reader (English)

Chapter 34

A tangled web of emotions raged inside me. On the one hand, I was disappointed and angry with Sebastian and wanted to send him to hell. On the other hand, I loved him so much that the thought of losing him was unbearable. We broke away from the embrace. Sebastian wanted to kiss me directly, but I backed away. He looked at me in dismay. "You don't want to kiss me?" His voice was filled with pain. "S-Sebastian, I..." I shook my head slightly and looked down. "I can't." "What do you mean you can't?" His voice broke at the last words. "We've kissed many times before; why can't you now?" Using his thumb, he lifted my face to look at him and looked at me with tear-filled eyes. "I need some distance," I said, barely audible. "It's complete chaos inside me right now. I don't know what to feel." Should I love Sebastian? Should I despise him? Or even pity him? Should I hate him? Or could I feel everything at once? And if so, which feeling prevailed? And would that change? And when or how often? "B-But... You... We... We just got together," Sebastian breathed. I gently placed a hand on his cheek. "And I'm not breaking up with you right away." The thought of that broke my heart. "But I need some time to sort out my thoughts and feelings." I took a deep breath. "I think it would be better if we stay away from each other for a few days." Tears silently ran down Sebastian's cheeks. He said nothing and just nodded. The need to immediately pull him into my arms, kiss him and tell him that everything would be okay and that I loved him more than anything made my chest tighten. But I fought it. Instead, I got up and emptied a few things off my bedside drawer. "You can sleep here if you want. I can understand if you don't want to see Ominis anymore today. I'm sleeping in my dorm." No answer, just a sad nod. On the way out, I squatted in front of Sebastian again and stroked his face. "Please don't do anything stupid." Then I left the Room of Requirement and the Slytherin I loved indefinitely.

I fought back tears on the way to the common room. I didn't want everyone to see that I was sad. "Well, look at that! What a rare guest!" Leander Prewett's disgusting voice greeted me as I crawled through the hole behind the fat lady's portrait. "Shut up, Prewett," I snapped at him as I passed, storming up the stairs to my dorm room. I've probably never been happier about the spell preventing boys from entering the girls' dormitories. When I got to the dormitory, I carelessly threw the bag with my belongings into the corner and tossed myself onto my bed. I was finally able to give in to the tears.

A little later, I picked myself up. "That was a mistake," I said to myself, hurrying back to the Room of Requirement. How could I be so stupid and leave Sebastian? Now, when he needed me most? In marriage, it is said, "in good times and in bad times". So why shouldn't the same apply to a new relationship? My chest tightened. I was the worst girlfriend in the world. With long strides, I hurried towards the bare wall in the astronomy tower. The door took forever to become visible enough for me to slip through. Then, finally, I rumbled into the Room of Requirement and further into the bedroom, where Sebastian was still crouching in front of the bed. He looked terrible, and seeing him like that broke my heart again. "Sebastian, it was a mistake," I sobbed. I hadn't even noticed that I had started crying again. Or was I still crying? "I'm sorry." Sebastian reached out to me, and I stumbled into his embrace. "I love you," I mumbled against his neck. Sebastian answered something I didn't understand. Then I woke up.

I didn't know how much time had passed. Apparently, I fell asleep crying at some point. A hand on my shoulder shook me awake. "Hey, Y/N, wake up!" Natty's worried voice brought me back to the cruel reality I didn't want to be in. I wiped my wet eyes sadly. I continued to cry in my sleep. Natty immediately noticed something was wrong and hugged me without saying a word. The last dam finally broke in the embrace, and I cried uncontrollably into Natty's shoulder. The Gryffindor stroked my back soothingly. "If you want to talk, I'm here, Y/N." "What time is it?" I asked, sobbing. "8 in the evening. You missed the banquet. I haven't seen you all day and thought maybe you were out with Sebastian. But when you didn't show up for dinner either, I got worried and then Leander made a stupid comment in which he made fun of the fact that you showed up in the common room again and weren't in a good mood. I'll spare you the exact wording. I would have liked to set his ass on fire for saying that." Natty's words made me smile. She had it all under her belt. "By the way, I brought you something." With that, Natty pulled out a small bundle and placed it in my hand. Eyebrows raised, I fiddled with the layers of napkins and paused before giggling a little. Natty had made me some kind of holiday sandwich. Instead of toast, she had pressed the mashed potatoes together tightly, put a few vegetables and a slice of roast on top, dressed it with gravy and finished the whole thing off with a second improvised mashed potato toast. "You should eat something," she explained. "And that was the easiest and cleanest way to get dinner to you." "Thanks, Natty. That's really nice of you, but I'm not hungry." I was about to put the "sandwich" on my bedside table, but Natty grabbed my arm. "Y/N, you eat something now. If I'm right, the last time you ate anything was this morning. And I don't want to watch you starve because you're sad." My friend gently squeezed my arm for a moment. "So please eat now." Sighing, I gave in and took a bite of Natty's creation. It tasted surprisingly good, even though everything was already cold. Only then did I realize that I was hungry. "Thanks, Natty," I smacked honestly and enjoyed my meal.