In the Shadows - Sebastian Sallow x reader (English)

Chapter 35

TW: Sexual assault

A few days went by where I just existed. I ate little, slept only with sedatives and withdrew from everyone. I silently cursed myself for giving Sebastian the Room of Requirement. Spending time in the vivarium would have been just the thing to switch off and clear your head. I missed Sebastian more and more and longed for him. Every time I saw him, my heart jumped and then threatened to burst because the days without him were unbearable for me. However, Sebastian didn't seem to be doing any better either. Although he was now eating with Ominis and Anne again, he also ate next to nothing and didn't seem to be sleeping. I was starting to get very worried about him.

One evening, I couldn't watch it any longer. I knew Sebastian would follow me when I got up from eating. He had always done that the last few days. And he always walked a few meters behind me until we had to go in different directions. I stuffed the last of my roast beef into my mouth, mumbled an apology to Natty, and left the Great Hall. Around the next corner, I waited for Sebastian in a niche. A few seconds later, the Slytherin walked past me, and I reached for his hand. He jumped in shock and turned to me. His dark eyes grew wide, and his gaze bounced back and forth between our hands and my face. Without a word, I led him into an empty classroom and lit the candles. I looked at him closely. He looked even worse up close. His eyes were bloodshot, and dark shadows gathered beneath them. His cheeks were sunken, and his skin was pale. His hair was a mess and had lost its shine. "Damn, you look terrible," I blurted out. "I can only give that back," Sebastian murmured. His voice didn't have his usual wit or charm. It was just rough and tired. But he was right: I, too, looked more like death on pines. The last few days have made me lose a few pounds, more than I would have liked, and my skin was pale and unhealthy looking. "You're not sleeping," I remarked, reaching out my hand to his face, but stopped short of doing so. Touching him now wouldn't be good for either of us. "Hardly," he replied shortly. "I just miss you too much." My heart clenched. I miss you terribly, too. "Then why don't you take your drops?" I took a step towards him, and Sebastian avoided my gaze. "I can sleep only because of the drops," I admitted and took his hand in mine again. Now, he looked me straight in the eyes. "I'm not taking them because I want to feel everything, Y/N. I want to miss you. I want to regret my decisions and feel the pain that comes with the consequences." He took a step towards me so that our bodies were almost touching. I didn't back away. I really wanted to feel his warmth. His eyes looked down at me sadly. "I fucked up," he finally croaked. He carefully stroked my cheek, and my heart skipped a beat. "I wanted to protect you from everything bad. I wanted you to never have to suffer again, and instead, I'm the one you should be protected from." Sighing, I leaned into his touch. Even though it was a stupid idea to enjoy his physical contact, I needed it. My body demanded his. It gave me security and broke my heart at the same time. "I don't need to be protected." "I know. You can take good care of yourself. And yet, I still feel the need to protect you." Sebastian took my face in his hands, at which point my vision blurred. "I like to repeat myself: You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." Tears rolled down my cheeks, and Sebastian wiped them away. "Sebastian, please get at least one good night's sleep," I said against the lump in my throat. The brunette shook his head. "Not without you." My heart became heavier and heavier. "Sebastian, please." My voice was barely more than a whisper. I placed my shaking hand on his cheek. "Don't make it harder than it already is. Please promise me you'll sleep tonight. I'm worried about you." Sebastian nodded. "Okay. For you." With a sad look, he stroked my cheeks again. "Can I at least kiss you one more time?" Now, my heart broke into a thousand little pieces. My body begged me to say yes and give myself entirely to him. "No. I'm sorry," I breathed, pulling away from his touch. I left the classroom crying without turning around to look at him one last time.

The next day, Sebastian actually looked a little more recovered. So, he actually took my request seriously. Anne even managed to persuade him to have two slices of toast and half an apple. The last few days, especially our conversation last night, showed me clearly how much I missed Sebastian and that my love for him was more substantial than my disappointment and hurt. Nevertheless, I wanted to be absolutely sure about my decision, and I wasn't yet. However, I felt a little better and even had a second helping of scrambled eggs. "I like you a lot better today, Y/N," remarked Natty, sitting across from me. "I'm actually feeling better. Thank you, Natty." The Gryffindor smiled gently at me. "My father always said that the only thing that can heal a broken heart is time." "I could have helped you forget Sallow," a voice whispered behind me. Leander put his arm around my shoulders and plopped down on the bench next to me. "You just had to ask me. One night with me, and you would have forgotten that wanker in no time." Leander's words disgusted me. Disgusted, I pushed his arm off my shoulder and stood up angrily. "You're disgusting, Leander," I snapped. "And in case you haven't noticed, I'M NOT INTO YOU!" I leaned down and hissed at him quietly. "So leave me alone!" I rushed out of the Great Hall, fuming, but Leander followed me. "Now, don't be like that, Princess," he called behind me. He caught up with me in no time and pressed my back against the wall in the entrance hall. "Are you still mad because I kissed you on Halloween?" "Leander, it doesn't even come close to being angry! You kissed me against my will and didn't stop when I resisted. You were aggressive that evening. I'm not mad at you. I detest you!" I desperately tried to free myself from his grip, but Leander was stronger than me. Too strong for my weakened body. "Now stop fidgeting!" He grabbed my wrists and pressed them against the wall above my head. "It's hard to believe you let Sallow get to you after you saw him attack me." Leander shook his head. "Or do you like violent, mean snakes? What do you even want with a Slytherin like him? He's definitely got dirt on his hands." Leander leaned down to me and whispered in my ear. "I could make you a lot happier. You just have to let me." He stroked my cheek with one hand. I tried to pull away from his touch, but he only pushed me harder against the wall. "And if I understand correctly, Sallow broke your heart. You're no longer together, I've watched that closely." The redhead ran his hand along my curves and groped me wherever he could. "You should have moaned my name, not his." "I would sooner jump off the Astronomy Tower than ever let you voluntarily come close to my body," I spat at him. "That wasn't nice of you," he growled in my ear. Now, his free hand fumbled with my dressed breast. "You're so hot, Y/N. I would love to fuck you right now." I didn't like the grin that spread across Leander's face. My heart started racing, and I wanted to defend myself, but my body wouldn't obey me. "But that wouldn't be half the fun. You'd have to join in." Leander stroked my cheek again. "Maybe that will convince you." Then he started kissing my face and neck and slowly unbuttoning my blouse. I fought the urge to vomit that was coming. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't make a sound. Suddenly, Leander was torn from me, and I collapsed to the ground. "You disgusting piece of shit!" Sebastian had grabbed the Gryffindor by the collar and was now pushing him to the stone floor. "You seriously dare to touch her again?" Sebastian's voice became threateningly calm. "I knew you were stupid, Prewett, but that stupid?! Leave your dirty dickbeaters away from her, or I swear to you, I'll tear them off one by one and stick them so deep in your ass that they'll come out the top again. And then I'll kill you myself." "Why do you care what I do to her? You two are no longer a couple," croaked Leander, whose face was slowly turning bright red. Sebastian was visibly seething with anger, and I could tell he wanted to break Leander's nose. "What goes on between Y/N and me is none of your shit, Prewett. But that's not how you should treat her or any other girl. Now you better fuck off before I forget myself!" With that, he let go of Leander, who immediately ran away.

I was still all at sea when I picked myself up, and Sebastian rushed to me. "Is everything okay?" he asked. Instead of answering him, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. Now that Leander was gone, I allowed myself to cry. Sebastian hugged me tightly and stroked my back. His touch was different than Leander's. It wasn't rough and aggressive, but gentle and gave me security. Nevertheless, I could still feel Leander on me, and I felt dirty, but with Sebastian, I felt safe. I snuggled closer to Sebastian, hoping his body would make mine forget. "Thank you," I mumbled against his shoulder. "Always for you," he replied. I finally knew what I felt and what I really wanted. I pulled away from him a little. Just far enough to look into his hazel eyes. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what. Instead, I just looked at him. Sebastian's eyes wandered to the necklace around my neck. "You're still wearing it," he noted, surprised. "Of course," I breathed. "Unconditional love, Sebastian. It doesn't just apply from your side." His eyes widened. "Does that mean you forgive me?" I stroked his cheek with a shaky hand. "It means that I want to be with you despite everything." Sebastian closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. With his hand, he pressed mine tighter to his face. "I missed that," he sighed. "I missed you. And even though it was only a few days, it felt like decades." My heart skipped a beat. "I missed you, too. Very much so." I put my hand on his chest. "I'm proud of you for just pulling yourself together with Leander. I saw how hard it was for you not to hit him." The Slytherin exhaled audibly. "I really would have liked to give him a few. But I know you would disapprove of that." He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. "For your sake, I let it go. I really want to improve. For you." "I really appreciate that. "Thank you." I stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek. "I guess we have some things to clarify." Sebastian nodded. "Shall we meet in the Room of Requirement in an hour?" he asked me. "I have to do something before we meet." I raised an eyebrow curiously. "You're not getting yourself into trouble, are you?" Sebastian chuckled. "No, Don't worry. No problems, I promise." "Good." I briefly took his hand in mine and stroked the back of his hand with my thumb. "See you then."

I rushed to the common room with mixed feelings. On the one hand, I was happy that things were looking up again with Sebastian. On the other hand, I still felt dirty and wanted to scrub Leander off my skin as quickly as possible. My heart beat faster and faster the closer I got to the portrait of the fat lady. Leander would most likely be hanging around the common room, and I just wanted to avoid him. I didn't want to see him anymore. I didn't want to hear his voice anymore. But that was difficult to avoid.

Trembling, I climbed through the entrance to the common room. My heart was now beating so fast that I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. When I saw Leander by the fireplace in the common room, my heart skipped a beat, and my breath caught in my throat. Oh shit. Thanks to Merlin, there were a few other Gryffindors present, which meant I was safe. For now. I quickly rushed into the girls' tower and into my dormitory to grab some fresh clothes and my sponge. On the way to the washrooms, I tripped over my feet because I couldn't get to the shower quickly enough. I turned on the water and let my "soiled" clothes fall to the floor. A sigh escaped me as the warm water hit my skin. The warmth relaxed my tense muscles that I hadn't realized I had tensed. For a moment, I just enjoyed the feeling of the hot water on my skin. It already flushed a lot of the disgust from my body. Then, I grabbed my sponge and a bar of soap and spread the foam generously onto my skin. I scrubbed particularly thoroughly in the places where Leander had touched me. Maybe I washed too hard because my skin turned red in these areas and sometimes started to bleed. Fuck! Cursing under my breath, I rinsed my sponge and carefully washed the foam off me. The soap stung the wounds, and I gritted my teeth to keep from crying out. And yet it gave me relief because I finally felt something other than Leander. I was hoping that with the last bubble, the dirty feeling would finally be washed down the drain, but that wasn't the case. I felt better but still filthy and wanted to scrub all the skin off my bones until all of Leander had left my body. But even that probably wouldn't have helped. Frustrated, I soaped myself a few more times and endured the burning until my skin eventually shrivelled and cracked. And yet I still felt Leander's hands on me. After countless attempts, I finally gave up. I just hoped that later, with Sebastian, I could forget my worries and feel comfortable in my own skin again. Sighing, I slipped into my comfy clothes and braided my hair. Then I hid my bag with a few items for a possible overnight stay in the Room of Requirement under my sweater and headed towards the Astronomy Tower.

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