The Christian Newsletter

The Testimony Of JN

Hello, I'm JN, and this is my testimony...

I'm a twenty-one-year-old woman who loves music, art, as well as writing and reading. I suppose I love animals too, that is indeed why I'm studying to become a zoologist lol. Someday I dream of becoming an animal trainer or zookeeper, whatever God chooses for me, I guess. But putting those dreams aside it is also my dream to maybe follow the path of becoming a Christian influencer or author, etc. Perhaps even a Christian singer. 

Truthfully, my whole life is my testimony of God's grace, love and power. My mom struggled for years with having children, having many unknown miscarriages as well as many failed adoptions. In those raw and painful moments, she was unsure if God would ever make her a mother. It was truly one of her only dreams to be a mother. 

But God prevailed, on the exact day the last firefighters were saved from the World Trade Center after 9/11, my mother got a call from the fertility clinic, and she rushed to the clinic to see me and my fraternal twin sister at seven cells each. 

We were born in May, of 2002, and to everyone's surprise, on my grandmothers' birthday. Her birthdays would always make her sad, but truly God gave her a reason to smile on that day now. My name has a beautiful and spiritual meaning, it's Johanne which means 'God's gracious gift.'

Nevertheless, I never attended public nor private school, instead I was homeschooled for my mother wanted the best for us and she didn't believe public school was the best option for us. During that time, she made sure we knew about God and because of that, I can praise God knowing there was never a moment I didn't know Him. 

When we would attend church my sister and I, would refuse to go down to children's church and instead wanted to hear the sermons. So, in a sense I suppose we got to earn deeper and more meaningful things early on in our walks with God. Regarding church as well, my mother once told me I began babbling in church when the pastor said, 'let's pray.' I suppose I was trying to pray too, lol. And another time, I amazed the church by falling to my knees to pray for the pastor when he said, he was having some troubles. I decided to get baptized around five years old, I was so on fire for God!

Martyrs were my hero's and I wanted to be Harriet Tubman as well as Joan of Arc when I grew up. In my childhood, I wasn't afraid to speak the truth to strangers and even at times I found myself giving fake sermons to myself in the mirror. 

But those moments filled with light weren't always around for the dark ones were ever so present in my life. You see my father was never a good man, he was toxic and so angry. But like with every bad man, there were good moments with him. Ones that made it hard for me hate him when he was mean. I tried not to focus on him, I didn't pay him much attention and would just try to focus on the world around me instead of the world within my home. 

However useful that may have been when I was a child, it was made nearly useless when I got older for, he only got worse the older I got. He was an abuser, but he preferred to abuse us mentally rather than psychically. Because of his harsh behavior the atmosphere of our home grew dark and at times I wondered if I was truly living in a house or a storm. 

Even when my sister and I, closed our eyes it was not enough to escape him, for he was the demon in our nightmares. 

Our mother once told us that father wasn't always like this, he once was a pastor and a talented musician, but no one could understand why he had changed so drastically. He wasn't taking care of his health, and we begged our mother to find out what was wrong with Him. Then one day during one of our bible studies we all prayed to God for Him to reveal all that was in darkness within our home. And God followed through with that prayer.

Soon enough our mother was compelled to search places of the house and even stranger during one of her searches a book from the rafters of the shed fall onto her head. She waited to tell us what she had discovered in those places but one day when we were eleven, she sat us down and as gently as she could, she softly and lightly explained to our childish minds what she had discovered. However, brief it was, we understood what the word 'porn' meant. Our mother went on to explain that because of what our father was doing, it was no longer safe for us girls to be in the house. We knew he needed help and for the safety of us all, he needed to leave. She found an apartment for him to live in and we helped her pack his things. She sent us off to our grandparent's house for the night while she and our pastor confronted him.