Guilty | Woosan 18+

1🔞

W o o y o u n g.
The snow fell down on the earth like powdered sugar on a freshly baked cake. The landscape was white, people seemed excited about the perfect weather. A few weeks ago no one thought that we would have the prettiest, most nostalgic snow falling down on earth. But now we had plenty of it.

I wrapped my arms around my own body. It was cold, freezing cold. The snow made the landscape look like cotton candy. It looked beautiful and so enjoyable. The perfect weather for Christmas.

And here I was, sitting in the big car that my boyfriend owned, driving to the most expensive, most cliché cabin that his family owned. And actually, I didn't want to come. I've been dating him only for a few weeks yet he invited me over to their Christmas.

It seemed like they always celebrated Christmas like I only saw in western movies. A big cabin, everything was cozy, snow everywhere one looked and big colorful presents.

It wasn't like my family didn't celebrate Christmas - but simply not that big. It was an event we only celebrated for a few hours, without all of the crazy decorations

"What are you looking at?" my boyfriend raised his voice making me look up now. Major traffic made it pretty difficult to actually drive to the cabin. It seemed like many families tried to get to the spot we would stay at. Probably because it was a typical spot to ski.

I shook my head slightly and answered with a simple "nothing" even though he wouldn't let my simple answer pass and I already knew that. He tilted his head. His hand reached out for mine and I gulped heavily when our skin touched.

"Really?" he winked charmingly. I took a deep breath, looked our hands and up again just to reply a quick "Felix, I was just looking at the snow" whereupon I caused my boyfriend to laugh. He probably just wanted to annoy me but that didn't work out too good because I was very nervous

Usually I wasn't the person to get nervous but knowing that I would meet my boyfriend's family in less than an hour made me feel crazy. I wanted them to like me even though Felix claimed that they already did

Felix squeezed my hand a few times on the road whilst my eyes traveled outside again in order to try to calm down. His presence helped me but a few things made me feel awkward.

Felix and I haven't been very intime. We held hands, cuddled and also kissed. And yes, that was intime. But we haven't touched each other yet. No petting, no dry sex, no sex. And I was the reason for it. I still didn't want to do it. It still didn't feel right to me.

I wondered whether my behavior was normal. I wondered if the urge to have sex with Felix would come up soon. But if it wouldn't, it wouldn't.

The truth was that Felix was my first boyfriend ever. I was twenty but I haven't dated anyone before him. And I didn't even know what falling in love was like.

When I met Felix at one of the college parties, I liked his presence. I liked his fluffy hair, his sparkly eyes and his wide smile, even his freckles appeared very attractive to me. It made me believe that he could've been the first boy I was ever in love with yet I still asked myself if love felt like that

"Don't be nervous. Everyone will love you!" he tried to cheer me up whereupon I showed him a little forced smile. It hurt to force my smile but the nervousness in my body rose and rose.

My eyes traveled to the little mountain in front of us. Many big huts that looked very expensive where built on it. Everything looked like it came straight out of a Christmas movie. And I loved it.

Spending Christmas with my boyfriend's family sounded scary at first but maybe it was a good vacation. Maybe I could finally calm down again from all the stress. I bit my underlip harshly until I tasted blood.

It was also the first time Felix and I would sleep and stay at the same room for two weeks straight. Maybe it would work out, maybe it wouldn't. Maybe we would have sex.

Sex. A word I've probably never even said out loud. I wasn't innocent. I've watched things, got to know about what I personally liked, informed myself like every other teenager back then. But was I ready for my first time having sex?

A little fantasy always been stuck in my head.
A dominant, tall handsome man that had eyes like a siren would carefully and softly touch me as if I was made out of the finest porcelain. I was his doll and he'd be careful. He'd be respectful and only touched me in the softest way. He'd make me kneel down in front of him and touch him.

I took a deep breath, my skin seemed to heat up and my cheeks were probably already red from the fantasy in my head. I needed to calm down before my blood would rush down but it somehow already did.

But not because of my boyfriend, no. Because of a fantasy that I made up in my mind about a handsome man with siren eyes.

But was that already a fetish? Was I a weirdo for dreaming of another man that probably didn't even exist?
Maybe Felix could've been that man for me.

A/N:
Let's start off slow ;)
But it'll get very dirty soon so stay tuned

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