Guilty | Woosan 18+

18. 🔞

W o o y o u n g.
I melted into the kiss. I wanted this. I wanted this. I wanted this. And I didn't even know how much I needed this. The kiss was different from last night. It was filled with desire, but such a huge desire that I couldn't put it in words.

I felt something. I really felt something in my entire body. It was San's intensive passion that hit my body like a wave. He was such a good kisser that I didn't think I could ever keep up with his unbearable passion.

A second kiss. Another kiss that was so unbelievably forbidden and sinful that it almost felt better than the other kiss. But nothing could beat out first kiss in the cold white snow. San. San. San. My mind is revolving around you and you only.

His arms wrapped around my body, forcing me to get even closer to his chest. Our bodies were now pressed against each other. Not a single sheet of paper would fit between the two of us. The heat was nice and excitingly good.

The risks I took were immense but these kisses made it worth it. I thought that I couldn't even remember the last time someone actually made me feel excited. But I knew it. The last time, it was him and it was last night. And it was the very first time I've actually felt that way

He wasn't just a man. He was a role model, he was an idol. He was so imperfectly perfect that it almost hurt me. Everyone simply lived in his world. It was his and he himself owned it like the true CEO, handsome man and extraordinarily talented genius he was.

Gosh, I felt ridiculous talking about a man like that. But I couldn't stop myself from idolizing the man in front of me. He was perfect. And even the little details about him that didn't seem too perfect like his addition to nicotine or his impatience still didn't change this imagery

"I want you to sleep in my room today, no matter what you think about that. I want you beside me, tonight" san suddenly whispered against my lips his left hand suddenly cupping my cheek. I took a sharp breath and looked up to meet his eyes

My pulse got higher and higher. I couldn't believe that he just asked me to stay in his room today, over night. Over the god damn night. And he didn't just ask me no. He ordered it. No one ever spoke to me the way San did but it made me feel so excited that I forgot about everything. The world, my issues, my worries, my feelings.

"What is it you want, San? What exactly do you want from me?" I asked him boldly. It took me some courage to actually confront the man that still held me so close to his body that I basically couldn't escape him.

But I needed to ask him. What did he want tonight? A quick hookup? Something easy and fast? Something to hurt his cousin with? What was it he truly wanted?

"Everything" he said. And with that, he said everything and nothing all at once. Everything. What did he mean by saying he wanted everything? He wanted me? He really wanted me? Why would he? Why San? Why?

I gulped and took a deep breath in right afterwards not being capable to talk or answer. There was no answer needed. San said what he wanted and now I had to decide whether I wanted to actually start this journey with him or not.

But I didn't know. Guilt rushed through my body over and over again. I couldn't simply break up and be with San just so that he won over his cousin. Wasn't this the reason he started it? To proof to himself that he did everything better than the cousin that never liked him?
The final round of their weird battle.

"I'll leave now" I whispered my eyes traveling down, slightly shocked but also guilty. I wasn't able to say anything more than this. I couldn't believe I threw myself once again into this man's arms. These damn arms that made me feel better somehow.

Maybe it simply was the lack of affection or the lack of attention that I wanted to fill with it. But maybe I simply fell for this man. This cruel but also very intelligent and passionate man that just told me he wanted simply everything with me.

"Do you want me to beg?" He suddenly said walking over to the table again, grabbing another cigarette out of the little box, traveling up to his mouth again. He stood there, loosely and cool as if nothing just happened. I took a deep breath in.
Do you want me to beg?

"I don't know what I want yet" I whispered and left his room without saying anything more. I couldn't bare his presence anymore. I bet my lips looked swollen now that I left his room but gladly Felix was still in the bathroom.

I knew for a fact that I must've now smelled of tobacco as well as San's woody perfume. I rushed into my very own bedroom and grabbed my perfume in order to get rid of any other scent that could linger around me.

I don't know what I want yet. I repeated my own words over and over again. Did I tell the truth? I didn't even know myself. What did I want? What did my heart truly want?

San was a sin. He tested me. He tested my loyalty, my innocence and my instincts. He wasn't an open book. He was simply a mystery to me. San said things and did the other. Not even to mention that he always said things you could get two ways

I noticed the light swollen lip when I looked at my own reflection. The top lip looked smudged and my underlip appeared slightly bigger and swollen. My cheeks looked heated up and my hair was a little bit messy. Every sign of a kiss showed on my body. It was a disaster - not only to mention the nicotine smell that laid on me.

"Gosh" I whispered to myself and closed my eyes for a second. How would I decide? Would I actually visit him in his bedroom again? Even sleep next to him? Spend the night Sith him? I'm panicking.

I suddenly felt dizzy. My vision was so blurred that I couldn't even stand up straight. I needed to sit down on the cozy bed Felix and I slept in. It was nice to actually have a little moment to myself again.

I needed to figure out what I wanted.

A/N:
Sorry for the late update. It's exam season :,)

Should he sleep in san's room? ;)