HIS ROYAL BRIDE

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 10

‘We have wasted enough time. Fikani will be home on Friday so we need to get the ball rolling’ Fanisa says to Solomon as they stand outside, with him finishing off the biscuits and scones he was gourmandizing in her house.
‘How when you failed to support me the time I raised the royal wife issue?’
Fanisa’s eyeroll is complemented by a sneer, deeply expressive of despisal. 
‘That Kulani girl? You know very well that it won’t be possible’
‘It will if we want it to be. I want that boy to get off his high horse’
‘Ah forget about it and besides, that Kulani girl is no longer pure. You will just further complicate things’
‘How do you know?’
‘Are you blind? Can you not see what is happening between those two?’
‘I do but I never thought… so soon? She’s loose’ he remarks and Fanisa laughs.
‘That’s her husband…?’
‘Still…’
‘Aii we can’t be sitting here and discussing children’s bedroom things. The Baloyis have another daughter. She was there on the night of the welcoming’
‘This is not going to be easy. That Fikani boy said he’s married or did I hear incorrectly?’
‘Married where using the wrong surname? That marriage is null and void to us. I will personally make sure that everything goes according to plan this weekend. I am in fact on my way to see Rhandzu’s mother. Fikani will have no choice but to fall in love with her, just watch’
She winks and he looks at her inquisitively.
‘I have noticed that you’ve become good friends. I am not even going to ask’
She laughs as she goes back into the house to find her car keys.
‘Musa?’ she calls her daughter. She appears head-only from her room, wanting to hear why she’s being summoned.
‘Let’s go. I need you to drive me to the Baloyis’
‘Now?’ she protests.
‘Don’t annoy me. Put some clothes on hi famba!’
She gets herself in a dress and they get in the car.
‘I need you to do me a favour’
‘You have started. I don’t like the sound of that’
Fanisa laughs.
‘It’s a small one, don’t worry’
She shakes her head begrudgingly as she drives, with Fanisa filling her in. They arrive to Kulani’s mother drinking tea by herself, sitting outside the house.
‘Vaka Baloyi…’ Fanisa laces her greetings with fake laughter. Musa greets the queen respectively and they’re told to take a seat. During the pleasantries, Musa asks for the loo after being told that Rhandzu is not home. She pretended to crave for a peer’s presence. 
‘You have started with wanting to use the toilet in other people’s homes’ Fanisa chides. Mhan’ Risimu laughs.
‘Oh let the child be. You can go inside, just by the door you will see it. When you come back, go into the kitchen and tell Maria to give you two cups for tea’ she orders. Musa nods and walks inside the house. She looks around to see if anybody sees her as she walks past the toilet and up the stairs, planning to tell anybody she bumps into that she was sent by the queen and she got lost. She keeps looking back as she walks carefully.
‘If anybody catches you, we’re dead!’ her mother’s words echo in her head. She tries the first room and finds a laptop open on top of the bed, with a speaker next to it. She sneaks in and goes straight to the chest of drawers after concluding this to be Rhandzu’s room. In her quick search, she finds the underwear her mother told her to get and shoves it into her pocket. She then goes to find the kitchen and almost bumps into Maria by the door.
‘Child, why do you look so panicked? Who is chasing you?’ she asks with great suspicion.
‘No no one, nothing. I was told to come in here to get teacups’ she half-lies. After getting the cups, she hears Rhandzu laughing with her mother outside.
‘It must be lonely now’ Fanisa says. Rhandzu shrugs with a smile.
‘She’s so lost. She’s even taken over her sister’s room. Apparently it makes her feel close to her’ Mhan’ Risimu joins in on the banter.

…

[KULANI]

For someone who doesn’t have a job, I get overexcited for Fridays. They have this energy about them that’s laidback and screams leisure.
Kurhula comes out of the bathroom and I watch him getting dressed in jeans and a blue Man-U soccer jersey. He comes to sit on the bed next to me and steals a kiss before putting on his sneakers. I smile lazily and continue scrolling on my phone.
‘Wish me luck’ he says.
He’s going to fetch AK. Apparently his grandmother is a fierce one.
‘What if she says no?’
‘I won’t give her the opportunity to’
‘Okay. Don’t forget his pyjamas like last time’
He laughs. ‘He’s a boy. He doesn’t need them’
He walks out laughing when I thin my eyes at him. I hear noise coming from the living room fifteen minutes after he has left, like someone they haven’t seen in a long time just walked. It must be Fikani. Junior knocks on the door. I know it’s him because he’s the only one that knocks like he’s composing a beat in this house. I get up and go open the door for him.
‘Mom says you should come greet your brother-in-law’
I find my shoes and we walk out together.
‘Can you do me a favour sis?’ he asks. I wonder. I just give him a curious look.
‘Can you put my crush in your list of bridesmaids? I want her to see how serious I am about her’
I shoot out laughter. This boy honestly wants me to play matchmaker at my own wedding?
‘Are you being for real right now?’
He nods. Madness runs in the blood here.
‘Hell no!’ I continue to laugh.
‘How much do you want?’
This world would be a better place if all men took us seriously like how he’s prioritizing this girl. We greet everyone and he continues whispering in my ear.
‘Junior leave me alone’
‘Hi, I’m Kulani’ I introduce myself to the new lady in the room.
‘Boitumelo’ she greets back with a smile. She must be the wife.
‘Can I talk to you for a moment?’ Mhan’ Xongi asks, directing this to Fikani. I notice he’s also wearing a Liverpool soccer jersey. Twins are fascinating because you never know whether certain things are a plain coincidence or telepathy is really a thing. I internally laugh at how Kurhula is going to be irritated by this. I teased him two nights ago, telling him how they should start wearing the same outfits because they missed out on that cute stage of their lives. He wasn’t having it.
‘Come, let’s go get some fruit outside’ I offer to Boitumelo. She had no idea where to look when Mhan’ Xongi requested some privacy with her son. I laugh at how relieved Boitumelo looks as we walk out.
‘Why didn’t we see your pretty face around here the first time?’ I ask. I notice the hickeys near her breast when she bends to fix her sandal. That explains the silk scarf. I clear my throat and decide to ignore all of this. Must’ve been an interesting night.
‘He says he found it better to come by himself. I wish he would’ve told me because I went ahead and embarrassed myself’ she says with irritation.
‘What did you do?’
She looks at me and laughs. ‘I had a few drinks and ended up saying stuff I shouldn’t have. I was sure he was here cheating’
‘Surely you can apologize’ I simply reply while looking for a good-looking mango.
‘Apologizing is not the issue. The thing is, I embarrassed him in front of everyone at Grill n’ Dine, including my friends’
Sounds messy. I find one mango that looks like it has had a recent visit to the dermatologist. I’m gonna put it in the fridge. I used to miss these when I was still living in Gauteng. Those from the store don’t taste the same. I hope this tree took tips from the one at home. She picks two and we walk to sit at the back of one of the houses. The sun is going down and it’s much cooler.
‘Anyway, you must be the twin’s wife?’
I nod.
‘How does it feel to gain a new brother in-law?’ she asks as she washes the fruit on the tap connected to the water tank. I shrug.
‘It was awkward at first but I’m slowly getting used to the idea’
I can’t tell her that I hugged her husband. It is embarrassing to even mention. We continue talking about everything that surrounds nothing until we have to back into the house. They’re shown their room and she tells me she needs a bath. She’s talkative but still a pleasant human being. AK comes running and I pick him up. It’s only been a few days but he’s already gained weight.
‘What is granny feeding you?’
He laughs as I tickle him. Kurhula comes in after him, holding his bag.
‘Yey? Yey? What is granny feeding this boy?’
I give him a break from laughing because my mom used to hate it when Rhandzu and I tickled one another for too long; saying it’s dangerous for some reason. Kurhula closes the door and gives me a kiss.
‘He’s not sleeping in here tonight’ he states before I can say anything. I laugh.
‘What is your problem?’
‘No I’m just saying that this one is not sleeping in here tonight. I don’t wanna fight with nobody’
We’ll see about that.

…

When we come out for dinner, I see Aunty Fanisa coming out of the kitchen with casseroles of food. Something about that smile is not sitting well with me because I don’t see it often, and since when is she hands on in the kitchen? I ignore this thought because I haven’t been here for that long to know the whats and whose of this house. Everyone is here today. It’s such a full house that some needed to find extra chairs and squeezed themselves in the rotation.
‘Fikani, son, we are happy to have you home. Same applies to you makoti Buyitomelo. This is Albert speaking, your late father’s brother from another mother’ he proceeds to introduce everyone else. I can see that Tumi is holding back laughter and I know why. I move my eyes from her because I’m gonna end up laughing as well.
‘And that is Lydia, your problematic aunt’ he jokes and everyone laughs except the aforesaid, Aunty Fanisa and Solomon. Fikani nods with respect after the introductions are done. Kurhula’s scent is distracting me. I feel my middle button going loose as laughter shakes the dinner table. What the hell is this man doing? He glances at me as speeches proceed about who grew up with who, what happened in ’89, stories about cows getting stolen and how they got them back. People are busy laughing at Uncle Wiseman’s jokes as we eat. Kurhula takes a spoon of rice into his mouth while his other hand is busy pulling my underwear to the side – very slowly in unsuspicious manner. I clear my throat and continue playing with my food. There’s no way I am eating in these circumstance. It’s an application for suffocation. He inserts his finger inside me and continues having a conversation with Fikani like nothing is happening underneath this table. Kurhula is playing with my wet folds at a table surrounded by respected elders. I can feel the orgasm coming. I can’t even push him off because I’ll just give everything away. My heart is racing. My legs jerk and I try my best to keep still. No one is paying attention to me. They’re all minding their plates and reminiscing happily – trying to make Fikani feel at home.
‘U tshamsekile?’ (Are you comfortable?) he whispers, with a smirk on his face. I laugh breathlessly as I drink my orange juice.
‘Please stop what you’re doing’
My legs are vibrating and I am trying with all my might to keep my upper body composed.
‘Tell me you love me first’
‘Nak’rhandza Kurhula. Now please leave me alone’
‘Is it mine? This gold mine between these soft thighs, is it mine?’
I sharply pull in some air when his finger goes deeper. I subtly nod multiple times.
‘Are you okay? You haven’t touched your food one bit’ Aunty Lydia asks, sipping on champagne as usual. I swear, there would be something wrong with the picture if I ever saw her with no alcoholic beverage in hand. That smile on her face? She has read the situation and now I am mortified! Kurhula’s hand leaves my skirt without him looking at me. He’s carrying on with his supper and life like he didn’t just wreck the stability of my nervous system, amidst his entire family.
‘I’m okay Aunty’
‘She’s a slow eater. Right baby?’ he supports, looking mw straight in the eye. A daredevil!
I clear my throat and drop my eyes to my plate.
‘Right’ I corroborate. Aunty Lydia laughs.
‘Ahhh. The joys of being young…’ she says with a wide smile and I don’t raise my eyes.
‘What are you talking about?’ Wiseman asks.
‘You should be minding this Mount…’ – she gestures at his plate judgingly – ‘Carbohydrate on your plate and take your fat nose out of things that don’t concern you. Your cholesterol levels must be alarming. Why do you always eat like you’re getting rid of looting evidence?’ she spits, unashamedly inspecting his round belly.
‘I tend to forget that you’re not one to be spoken to’ he takes offence and shoves another spoon into his mouth with a force of vengeance.
‘Did you see that the cemetery is running out of space? Wiseman, give us a chance to die first since your funeral will require a casket the size of four and ultimately space fit for an RDP’
Wiseman raises his arm and checks himself with a frown on his face.
‘Lydia, we have guests’ Mhan’ Xongi says.
‘I don’t think we would if your motherly instincts were fully functional my lovings’ she snubs while scratching the tail of her brow. Yup, the jubilant mood just went straight down the drain. The resident killjoy has just sprayed hydrogen sulphide into the atmosphere and single-handedly spoilt the air.