HIS ROYAL BRIDE

CHAPTER 35

CHAPTER 35
[UNEDITED]

[KULANI]

He’s here. He’s been here for some time and I can sense the heavy energy surrounding him. He hasn’t said a word, probably must be thinking that I’m half-dead and loading. I can hear the movements around me. I ‘woke’ up this morning. It felt like peeling off an inner layer over my eyes. It was a strangely familiar feeling after gathering the fact that I was in a coma. I live between two different worlds on a daily basis so there was nothing really shocking about easing back into my physical body.
I wish I hadn’t. I wish I never came back. I tried to negotiate but they wouldn’t hear it. Life is exhausting and I don’t have the energy to continue being one of God’s strongest soldiers. I never signed up for any of this. I don’t really care about the fact that I never got to enjoy the rest of my wedding day. What has completely shredded my mental health is the fact I had to say goodbye to the bestie I was busy nurturing in my womb. He was never planned but I had plans for him. I was already imagining how heavy he would be feeling at nine months. Kurhula is always gentle with me but upon finding out that I was pregnant, he became extra-cautious like a four-year old holding an egg, and I was enjoying experiencing him in that light.
I imagined what he would look like, our baby. I did that a lot and I was convinced that he would look like AK. I was hoping he would. It’s insane how two people can play around with their genitals and in between those orgasms, a breathing combination of their genitals would come out. I’m not heartbroken, I am shattered. It doesn’t hurt, it’s extremely unbearable.
‘Crazy how from the first moment I saw you, I just knew I was gonna make you a mother’ he says – busy rubbing my palm. Right now, my motor systems are down. I want to squeeze his hand and assure him that I’m recovering. He sounds so downtrodden and defeated. I can hear the rhythm of his shallow breaths.
‘I know I was looking forward to starting a family with you baby but right now, I just want you to wake up. We’ll deal with everything that has transpired together. Almost everything doesn’t make any sense and I don’t know what to allow to hurt me more. I don’t know what the hell I was doing before you came along but I cannot do this life thing without you, Kuli. You can do it all but dying is not an option’
Is he crying?
‘You’re my fvcking heartbeat woman’
It wouldn’t be him if he didn’t swear. I don’t like it when he does but in this moment, I am happy he did. It’s assurance for me that he’s still in there. What would happen if I never regained the ability to open my eyes ever again? Would I be declared dead? The thought of being put in a casket while my brain is this alert is making me feel uncomfortably claustrophobic right now. How many people have been buried while they were in fact alive? Is it a thing? Does it ever happen? I stand a chance of having that happen to me because I do exit my body and it’s slowly becoming a habit? I will just settle this with the possibility that they just eventually freeze to death at the morgue. That would be sad. Imagine having to hear your family wailing conclusively that you’re no more? Although mostly unpleasant, life is a funny set of experiences.
‘Mbilu ya Kurhula, I can always shoot some more babies into that tummy but I can never do it with another woman. I can never have another you. I need you to wake up. Yes it is for selfish reasons but I need you to wake up’
He swallows and pulls his chair forward.
‘I wanna buy you all the designer bags you could ever wish for. That’s the kinda shxt that makes me stay up all night working; knowing that I have a woman I need to keep happy’
Wasn’t he complaining about my expensive taste injuring his bank account?
‘I wanna take you on all the vacations you have saved on your Pinterest. I wanna hear your snorty giggle for the rest of my life’
I feel a tear drop on my wrist. I am trying so hard to move but it’s not happening. I can her him but at the same time, I feel like I’m listening to him from outside of my body, like this one is not mine.
‘I miss your jokes. Apparently, women aren’t funny’ his laughter comes out through the nose. ‘But I think you’re funny. It might because I love you and everything you do is pleasant to experience but still, I miss that side of you…’
He goes quiet. The warmth of his hands around my fingers is replaced by a cold breeze. Is he preparing to leave? I don’t want him to go. The only reason I’m sure that I’m not dead is because I’ve been told. Otherwise, I would be sure that this is what happens when we give up on our bodies.
‘Fvck, what have you done to me? You’ve literally destroyed my ability to exist by myself, for myself. I know how psycho this must sound but it is what it is’
He’s gone silent but he’s still here. I’m happy he hasn’t left. My heart is definitely going to crack when I hear that chair screeching away from me.
‘If anybody was to ask me to describe our relationship, I think I’d say it’s a proper catch twenty-two. In a world where things went completely my way, I would do anything to keep you away from my family and their dangerous tactics. However, they are the reason why I even know your name’
He thinks they’re responsible. I know they have their tricks and things but they have nothing on the Dracula that gave birth to me. The hatred in her voice when she told me she would kill me was enough confirmation that she meant it but I still undermined her. I do that a lot. I tend to focus on the good in people and completely disregard the bad. Some people’s conscience cannot be saved. Pamela is one of those people – the people that are beyond repair.