Lily Evans and the Marauder's Secrets

Chapter 32: Going to the Chapel

It's a long night. Mum and Dad are already in bed by the time I also disapparate home, so I creep up the stairs to my room and close the door with a quiet click so I don't wake them. I don't know what Petunia and Vernon will tell them about tonight. I don't know what I'll tell them about tonight. They adore Potter so much and I don't want to sully their opinion of him, but if he doesn't come to the wedding, they're going to have questions.

And that's just the question, isn't it, I think as I strip the dress off and kick it into the corner. A lot of good it did me tonight. Will Potter come to the wedding? Right now, I truly don't know.

I just...

I had such high hopes. For all of it. For Petunia to loosen up. For her to want me to be at the wedding. For Vernon to treat me like an actual person. For Potter... for James...

I don't know. I just thought maybe I meant enough to him now that I could count on him. I was starting to forget Potter and just see James. And I want him to be James so bad.

But I guess that's on me.

Serves me right for trusting Potter.

I know better.

I brush my teeth, wash my face, and braid my hair for bed. Maybe I cry a bit more while I do so.

By the time I crawl under my quilt, my heart is broken enough that I know for sure.

Potter is not coming with me to the wedding.

***

Wednesday 28 December

Dear Lily,

I'm not really sure what to say except that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was late. I'm sorry I got so mad. And I'm sorry I broke my promise to you.

There's not really an excuse for me messing up dinner so much, but know I only had your best interests in mind. I hated seeing them attack you. You don't deserve that kind of treatment. You deserve the world.

I understand if you don't want me at the wedding anymore.

Forgive me.

James

***

"And James really can't make it?" Mum calls from the other side of the bathroom door.

"No, Mum! I already told you, he had some family stuff come up!" I shout back, carefully winding my long red hair around the hot barrel of the curling iron. It's been forever since I've used a curling iron. They don't work at Hogwarts, and, in any case, I never wake up early enough to put this much effort into my hair. The way I'd pulled part of it back for dinner on Tuesday was already a lot for me, and Emma putting it into that bun updo for Slughorn's party was downright extravagant by my usual standards. Still, for a wedding, I figure I can stand to do a little extra. Even if she won't appreciate it. Even if James won't be there to see it.

I stamp the thought away. I made my decision. I can live with it.

Even if his letter did make me cry again and reconsider my decision not to have him come.

In the end, I didn't respond and I set the letter on fire with my wand right there in my room so that his 'Forgive me' would stop staring at me.

And, you know, so Mum wouldn't see.

Because in the end, no one told Mum a thing about dinner. When she'd ask me about it over cereal yesterday morning, there was a moment I considered telling her everything. But when I'd looked up from a spoonful of corn flakes, she'd said, "It was so fun to have you all at dinner! I'm glad you all got to spend more time together last night." I couldn't bring myself to crush her enthusiasm