Lily Evans and the Marauder's Secrets

More Than Friends

"I'm really worried about Severus," I admit to James the next morning. I'd stayed up most the night worrying about Severus's reaction (but also maybe replaying our evening on the Quidditch pitch a time or two...). Finally, around six, I'd relocated to the common room and hoped James would see on the Map and come and find me. It worked, quicker than I expected, and by the time the sun rises over the lake, we're out pacing the grounds, cloaks wrapped tight and breath puffing in icy clouds. James insisted on stopping by the Great Hall before heading out, so he's also carting a stack of toast in his gloved hand.

"Why?" he asks, taking a bite of the top piece.

"He was really upset," I say. "He wouldn't even talk to me, just left before I could even explain anything."

"I'm sure he was just surprised," James reassures me. He offers me a slice of toast and I take it, nibbling morosely at the crust. "I mean, I'm still pretty shocked myself." He flashes me a grin.

"You and me both," I mumble, looking away. I'm glad my cheeks are already flushed from the cold morning air. "But you don't think he'd go back to Rosier and the others over this, do you?" I ask. It's the thing that's kept me obsessing over the interaction.

James takes a long time to answer. I toe one of the remaining patches of snow while I wait, trying to break up all the icy clumps. "No," he says finally.

"But how can you be sure?" I press.

"Because it's you," he says. "You're more important to him than anything else."

I mull that over while James finishes off his breakfast, flush with guilt. I know James is right; Sev's said as much to me, even if not in those exact terms. But Sev's not the most important thing to me. He hasn't been for a long time. My eyes flash to James and then back out at the lake where the ice rims the black water. I'm worried that not being my most important person anymore will wear on Sev over time.

"Lily..." James says. He steps closer, pressing his shoulder against mine. "I know you said yesterday it was alright if... if people saw us. If they know. But we don't have to. If you still want it to be a secret, we can keep it that way." He clears his throat. "I mean, if there's anything to keep a secret. Not that I'm just presuming we're..." He trails off, and I'm not at all surprised when he starts messing with his hair.

"Where's that James Potter confidence now?" I tease. I reach up and pull his hand off his head, clasping it tight in both mine. It feels like a right miracle to be able to just touch him like this, and there's no hesitation for me anymore about what I want. "Let me get a couple things straight," I say. "You do get that I like you, right? Like, definitely more than friends?"

A smile pushes onto his face, and I know he recognizes my words as the same ones he'd said to me weeks and weeks ago. "Yeah," he says softly.

"And you like me, yeah?"

"Definitely more than friends," he answers. His thumb strokes my palm.

"Then let's just enjoy this," I say.

"Okay," he whispers. I'm going to completely lose my focus if he keeps running his fingers along my hands like that.

"As long as you're okay with it," I say, and he pauses.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

I take a deep breath. "Carol," I say.

James tenses, then sighs. "Carol," he says.

"She's still in love with you, you know," I say quietly.

"I know," he says. "I didn't realize it before but... yeah. She is."