Leni has never done this before – the whole trying-to-be-friends-with-your-ex thing (well, because her late husband was the first and last boyfriend that she had and she has never thought that she would ever break up with her second chance at love) – and she's beginning to figure out why.
It's hard and it hurts.
It's hard because it's so easy to fall back into what you know, and Leni knows Risa. It hurts because every time she sees Risa's face she's reminded of a time when they were happy.
Every instinct inside of her tells Leni to reach out and latch onto Risa's elbow, to run a hand over her knee comfortingly, to run her fingers through her hair soothingly, but she can't.
She's not allowed.
It's not her job anymore.
So far, no one's taken up her position, but Leni knows it won't be long and when it happens she'll have to be supportive – because they're friends.
They're trying to be friends.
Just like they were two years earlier (before anything happened between them), except completely different.
Because now Leni knows how Risa's eyes shine when they are full of adoration. How she blushes shamelessly during pillow talk, while pressed against Leni's chest. How the words 'I love you so much' sound when they roll off of Risa's tongue.
Now that Leni knows every contour of Risa's body and has the memory of Risa's hands on her so vividly in her mind, it was almost impossible to go back to being just a friend.
But Leni would try. They would both try, for their children's sake— because the Hontibredo bunch became a whole new family. Jillian and Sinta got closer because they shared the same experience as the bunso favorites. Aika and Issa started a clothing business together because of their love for local brands just like their moms while Tricia and Helena have chosen to bond over their furry kiddos and then there's Kiko who just opened a café where he invited the senator and former vice president for the ribbon cutting.
They would both try— just like the two of them had agreed upon at the beginning, when their glances at one another started lingering, hands started wandering and lips started nearing.
When things had just begun 'the end' was something they thought they'd never amount to.
—
The tropa and their children tread lightly around the two of them for weeks, months – afraid of saying the wrong thing.
The transition from soulmates– no, lovers back to friends doesn't go smoothly for them.
Sometimes Leni catches Risa's hand and reaches out to hers briefly before quickly retracting. She pretends not to notice and fights against herself to keep her eyes in the other direction.
Don't look back; don't do that to yourself Leni.
It's not like their breakup was a particularly hard one – in the sense that it wasn't filled with screaming and violence. Instead, it was marked with resigned sighs and whispers and avoidance. Leni almost thinks that's worse.
Now, she understands what people mean when they say love isn't always enough, because she and Risa embody that perfectly.
The love was still there.
Leni still loved Risa like she was air but eventually, they needed more, and in their line of work that was impossible. Leni came to realize that the life of a public servant is not meant to have a happy ending. Not when it came to love, at least not when the other people got involved.
