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Jay is really getting to me he doesn't know about my disorder but I think he's getting onto it and it's starting to make me anxious.
I feel like he's gonna end up leaving after we left the taco truck he told me as soon as I get home then I have to eat but I don't want to I didn't even ask him to buy me the food let alone go out.
I guess I could imagine gonna end up throwing it up anyways so what does it matter. I unlock the door and I see Amari sitting on the couch watching South Park I think he has an obsession with that show, I swear.
"Oh hey Mari this is Jay he's the one I told you about, the one I met at the deli" I say lowly Amari gets up he doesn't really seem bother by Jay being here.
"Yea I know about him dad told me, you better not hurt her or else I will end you. Don't think I'm fucking around either my dad may have been easy on you but I'm not when it comes to my sister" he says to Jay my jaw drops while Jay's eyes widen a bit there's no way he just said that we're just friends I don't know why he's being like that it's crazy to say but he's worse than my dad.
I hope he eases up on Jay he's really a good guy. "Yo chill out Amari he's really nice plus we not even together calm down" I say with some attitude "Oh ok, but if you do become her boyfriend then you know I got my eyes on you regardless" he turns to Jay, you've got to be kidding me I can't deal with this tonight. "I gotchu man I wouldn't hurt her and that's something that I'll make clear" Jay says to my brother in the calmest voice I get butterflies by hearing him speak wait I'm supposed to be mad at him what the fuck.
"well I'm going to my room let's go Jay, I'll see you in the morning Mari good night" I tell Jay and Amari "Goodnight Alanah" I walk upstairs to my room and lay on my bed, Jay just stares at me like I'm some bug crawling on the wall or some shit.
"Did you forget what I told you in the car?" He tells me I can tell that he's upset but there's nothing I can really do about it "no I didn't forget Jay but I seriously don't want it" I tell him in a whiny voice "ma please talk to me why don't you wanna eat it's 11 at night you look pale asf and you haven't eaten a thing don't make me tell your brother about this" he says talking to me calmly.
"ok fine I'll talk but please, don't tell anyone about this" I say looking up at him "I gotchu I won't but if it gets worse you know what I gotta do" I decided to get comfortable this will be a long story time I hope I don't end up crying while telling him this, I don't want him to end up walking out the door after this.
I began the story "Ok when I was about 10 years old my mom noticed that I've gained weight in the span of 4 months. She told me repeatedly that I needed to cut out the food I was eating since I'd eat in larger amounts.So I listened I ate in less amounts like she said, but she still pushed that button it made everything worse. She really wanted me to loose the weight and it was hard. The only other thing I could think of was "eating" which means eating and throwing it up after.
I've been doing this for years yet she still pointed out the weight I had. I got tired of her comments towards me and left I didn't tell her about it but she's not looking for me so it doesn't even matter".
But yea that's the truth if you want me to eat I will but I don't think it's worth it, I could pay you back for how much the food costs since it was a waste of money. I'm sorry Jay." I finish the story on the verge of tears I look at Jay and see his face filled with anger maybe I shouldn't have told him everything. I hate whenever someone is upset with me it always made me feel as if I was the problem. Maybe I am the problem.
Jay finally spoke "Mamas you're not going to give me any money for the food I don't care about that, I care about you I'm so sorry that you had to go through that at such a young age. I'm glad you got out of that wack ass household. I know you don't want to but at least take a single bite out of your food please that's all I ask ma"
he finishes talking i get up from my bed opening the bag with the tacos i didnt eat this is really gonna have my stomach hurting. My hand start shaking bad i wanna back out but i know Jay is looking at me.
I take a bite out of the taco "swallow it ma" he says calmly, so I did it was actually good I haven't eaten in 3 days I know this is messing up my record but it's good food. I finish one whole taco and I'm done I really don't want anymore now "I'm proud of you ma" Jay says as he hugs me from behind and kisses my head. He really makes me feel safe.
We settle down and lay in my bed turning on a show I let Jay pick, he picked the boondocks I love this show he picked a good one. I get up to go use the restroom where you goin?" Jay questions me "I'm jus gonna use the bathroom I'll be back" I say and he looks at me I know what he's thinking and I was gonna throw it up but I changed my mind, I won't this time. "Jay I'm not gonna do it I promise."
"Would you like to go in the bathroom with me for proof?" I ask he laughs a little bit "no ma that's your privacy and I trust you, just hurry back I'm ready to sleep" he says getting comfortable in my bed I find it crazy how my dad and Amari are really allowing him in this house so comfortably but aye he's keeping me company.
I use the bathroom and go back to bed, Jay was already sleep when I came back so I fell asleep a few episodes later. ———————————————————————————— Well she let out her truth
