Ntsumi ka Moreetsi

It Hurts

“Knock knock.” Someone knocks on the door, I get up from the couch and realise that it’s the Moreetsi’s with Pheko. I open the door for them and rush to the bathroom to change my pad.
“Does it hurt a lot? Did you drink your meds?” Pheko asks from the door. The wheelchair doesn’t fit in the bathroom.
“A little, I will eat and have them now. I am sorry for not coming.”
“I understand, you were tired.” Pheko.
“Mama Pheko, I didn’t cook. Do you mind me making us sandwiches?”
“Ntsumi, please relax my child. Have a seat, I brought food for you guys. Morris and I are leaving, to give you and your husband space. Call me if you need anything okay.”She give me a hug and I nod, blinking my tears away.
“Thank you, we will see you in the morning.”
“Bye.” Pheko greets. I lock the door and go to the bedroom to make the bed for Pheko. I let out a scream when I turn and see Pheko behind me.
“I’m sorry, I thought you hear me. Do you need help?”He asks.
“I am done, thank you. Which side are you sleeping on?”
“My side, why?” he frowns.
“I need to place your pillow on your leg side.” He nods, I take out his clothes then I help him get into bed. I run the bath, my bleeding is heavy. I cry in tub praying, I don’t know what I did wrong in this world but I ask for forgiveness. I get out when the water is cold.
“Why are you out of bed?” I ask Pheko wiping my tears.
“I heard you crying, I am sorry my love. I wish I could take your pain away.” Pheko.
I take a deep breath and lotion my body. Pheko hands me my underwear with a pad on. I shake my head, he laughs. “Still crazy, come to bed.”
“When are you eating?”
“I am not hungry.”
“Your medication needs to be taken in a full stomach. Drink some soup at least.” Pheko. I nod, he follows me to the kitchen, I warm the soup and drink.
“How are you feeling honestly?”
“I have a headache. I am numb. How are you?”
“I hate seeing you hurt, if I could I would take it all away.” Pheko.
“You say that a lot, I believe you would. It would hurt me though, you hurting.”
“My job as a husband is to protect, provide and pay. Do you know that after the blast, what kept me going with protecting you from hurting.” Pheko.
“You are saying that you love me.”
“Im not your patient, I said what I said.” We laugh.
I wash my cup and switch off the lights. Pheko and I get to the bedroom. He gets in bed and I sit on the side after drinking my pills. “Are you not sleeping?”he asks.
“I will sleep in Gomo’s room.”
“Never, I came home so that we can be together and grieve as a unit. I am not letting you go through this alone, for every pad change I will get out of bed and help you, I want to know all the pains, everything you feel. This was our baby Ntsumi and you are my wife.” Pheko.
“Who is Ntsumi? I am motho waka to you.” He laughs hard and I pout.
“I’m sorry Rato laka, come give me a kiss.” I shake my head, he pulls my hand, I move closer to him and he pecks my lips. I lay next to him, I fall asleep to his voice singing a song.
“Does it hurt?” Pheko asks, I am getting out of bed because of the pains. My pants are soaked and so is my side. He gets out of bed and removes the sheet, I bring soapy water to wipe the mattress.
“Go and take a shower I will wipe here.”Pheko. I shake my head no, wiping my tears.
“Motho waka, allow me please.” He takes the cloth from my hands, I let out a cry. Everything hurts, my chest is the worst.
“We are going to be okay my love, cry you husband is here.”Pheko. I get up after a few minutes and go take a shower, Pheko is waiting for me with clean underwear and pyjamas. I thank him and get dressed. I look for my dirty clothes on the floor.
“They are in the machine, come I got pain pills for you.”
“Wait, you shouldn’t be standing.”
“Get into bed please.” Pheko.
“Thank you.” He nods and gets into his side.
“I love you.” Pheko. The time is 3am, I set the alarm. For 6am, we need to go to the hospital at 7am.
“Pheko, love waka. Wake up, we need to see the doctor.”
“5 minutes.” I take a shower and change into my tracksuits.
“Is it still heavy?” Pheko startles me.
“Yes, but not like earlier.”
“Im sorry, I can’t help you with that.” I smile and help him cover his leg with a plastic so he can shower. I drop him off at the ward and go to the shop to buy more pads and snacks. He is busy with the doctors when I return.
“Mrs Moreetsi come in, my condolences on your baby. Your husband tells me that you are going to a funeral tomorrow, please drive to us when you are back.” Doctor.
“Thank you. I will bring him back.”
“Enjoy your afternoon. ”
I push him out with the wheelchair and help him in the car. He asks that we get take aways as I drive us home. Arriving at the house I dish up for him and then go to bed.