Ntsumi ka Moreetsi

Goodbye

I take a deep breath as I finish tying my headscarf. I hate the reflection staring at me in the mirror. A knock disturbs me from my thoughts. I am locked in Babes bedroom.
“Come in.” I say opening the door. Pheko pulls me to his chest.
“Motho waka, I wish I could carry all the pain for you. I hate that I can’t help you, have you eaten?” he asks, only then do I see the snack bar in his hands.
“Thanks. Have you eaten?”
“I had a bar, just came back from the hall. Everything is set, mama said that you have been in here since I left.”
“I only needed a minute to my self. I can’t believe it’s finally here. I feel like I am an orphan all over again.”
“When you are ready to have a parent, mama will be here. I know it is not the same.” Pheko.
“I know and appreciate that. Do you think he is happy?”
“I know he is. The past couple of months have been good. Remember our trip to the sea and he forced the kids to bury him in sand and seashells.” I laugh through my tears, the images of Babe and the Moreetsi children in Durban Beach.
After attending 5 more sessions with Lerato, Babe asked for a trip with everyone. Okuhle and Miso were all invited. Babe flew down with Mrs Moreetsi and we were driven by the drivers from Moreetsi transit.
I wanted to postpone the trip but I’m glad Pheko convinced me not to because the weeks leading to Babes death, a month after the trip were hell on earth.
I slept on the hospital benches so much, I know all the staff. Pheko and I officially moved in with Babe and his nurse a month ago, when his friends would bring us medication at home because he wanted to be home.
My dad became a shadow of the man he was, his big body that match led his frame was all gone in an instant.
“We need to go my love, the transport is here.” Pheko brings me back. I nod my head and slide into my slippers. My relatives greet me on the passage, Pheko’s hand in mine.
Bhuti drives us to the hall. Just the 4 of us. Gomo insisted on missing school because his granddaddy made him promise to look after me on the day of the funeral.
“Mom, are you feeling safe?” Gomo asks, his hand in mine.
“I am, my boys are protecting me. How are you feeling?”
“I’m happy, granddad is happy, he told me.” Gomo shocks me, Pheko frowns. I smile and we continue to chat about his friends at school.
“We are here.” Bhuti. He is parked on the gate, he said it’s for easy exit. The four of us walk to the door and wait for Babe to be brought in. People start filling up the hall, Babe is in front, a photo of him is placed in front with a beautiful floor arrangement. The pastor prays and calls Pheko and I to speak.
“Morning. I believe you all know me and my twin *crowd laughs. * jokes, I don’t know where to start speaking of this great man, Babe loves me, he prepared me for his passing. I know the relatives from home are saying I am wasting money, your brother planned his funeral.
“I laughed this morning when Rato Kaka came to check on the flowers, Babe put him charge of the deco. I am glad he listened, he threatened to send thunder  *laughs*
He picked everything including my marriage with his favourite son. I will forever be grateful for his love.
“Technically his only son. I was with him when he passed on, he braved out his pain and tried to get me away but I’m stubborn, I stayed and held him. He thought it would traumatise me but I am happy I was with him one last time.
“My father is pain free, I wish he didn’t leave but he was in a lot of pain, and he hated being helped as you all know. Please celebrate him and the life he lived.
“Babe, we are all in white and gold, Thank you, all for coming and honouring our theme.” I take my seat.
I put my head on Pheko’s shoulder, the rest of the service. I start thinking about how my life was before I met Babe, I am grateful to the Chauke’s.
The drive to the cemetery is short, Joyous celebration is playing through the speakers, Babe is pushed down. I feel whoozy getting up to throw in my flower, Pheko hold me firmly. We walk back to our seat, the usher gives me juice. And I take a sip form it.
“How are you now? ” Pheko whispers.
“I will be okay, I think I’m hungry.” He nods his head. One distant cousin, cries so much when she throws in her flower that she faints. My tears have all dried up, I only have a sinking feeling. We are leaving Babe here and we are going home.
Khensi gives me a packet of nuts, we are now walking back to the car. I am still dizzy. But I don’t want to stress Pheko more.
“Are you better?” Nhlamulo.
“This one is pregnant. And has been starving little Moreetsi. ” Khensi pokes my stomach.
“Khensi. Leave Ntsumi alone.” Sesi reprimands from behind.
Bhuti passes a fast food place and buys me and Gomo burgers. Then we drive home, people are already eating and sitting in groups. Mama gives me a hug and whispers that she loves me.
I do my round of greetings, Pheko behind me. We sit with my cousins, who play games and drink alcohol.
Babe did say that on the day of his funeral, he wants everyone he loves to come together and be happy. I hope he saw and know that I love him. I get up to go to the bathroom and feel my legs failing me. *Yho, Whooh* I hear distant screams as my eyes close.
“Ntsumi, don’t do this to me. Open your eyes.”