Shut Up Kristyn! | Misc

80 | things my professors have said

I had some pretty iconic professors this semester and decided to make notes of the chaotic things they said, and then share them all here because #comedy.

For obvious reasons I'm not going to post their names, but I will include which class it was for, their pronouns, and other important context.

BRITISH RENAISSANCE LITERATURE
he/him

— "A 45 year old man should not be twerking on me."

— "RATS! Shucks. Sorry for the strong language today."

— I'm a Gen X-er and let me just say, we FUCKING INVENTED — oops I'm sorry I should not have said that I'm so sorry I got too passionate for a moment there—"

— "It's 'cringey' as the kids say."

— "I would like some Edmund Spenser fanfiction about this lion in the story. Some backstory, maybe. Extra credit?"

— Me: "I like your tie, Professor"
Prof: "Oh... thank you! This is one of those articles of clothing where you look in your closet and you're like... do I even own this?"

— Student: *points out mistake in his PowerPoint*
Prof: *Walks toward the door* "Thank you and goodnight" *Leaves*

— Prof: "Does it make you happy to read from Spenser?"
Student: "It makes me wanna die"
Prof: ".... That's a no"

— "Spoiler alert: I will not be grading your papers on a Friday night. I'm gonna be at the club, so..."

— "Let's change the tone radically to despair!"

— "We're all sinners — who gives a shit?"

— "We die at least once a day — I'm sorry, you're all college students — we all die at least 3 or 4 times a day."

— "An apple is not fruit one uses to seduce. Maybe a plum. Or a mango."

— "What's a better reason to fall? Being tempted by Satan, or ooooh tasty fruit yum yum?"

— *Our reading mentions "an agéd tree"*
Prof: We have one of those in our front yard ... kinda worried about it ...
Prof: It got struck by lightning like a month ago...
Prof: A few houses down, a tree fell on someone's house, so, it sucks to be them
Prof: But it's gonna happen any moment now

— "Not to sound basic, but this is just good writing."

— "It's much more evocative, much more vivid, than your standard-ass simile."

— "When we get to ass worship—"

— Prof: "I'm upset that nobody is laughing at this amazing pun right here."
Me: "Oh, I thought it was a typo."

— "I don't know why I just used a stoner accent."

— "So imagine two rams barreling into each other *rams knuckles together* ow."

— "She vomits ....... yummers"

— "I don't think this is a word, but it sounds cool."

— "Spenser skips describing the waist, but not the butt!"

— "So Arthur is there, Redcrosse Knight is there, and they're like 'Ew, gross!'"

— "That's a pretty tasty gig."

— "Do you hate the rich? I hate the rich. Why? Because I'm not rich."

— "You're a crusty dude."

— "Frankly I've been killing it as Bosola so far, so I'm gonna keep reading as him, but if anyone wants to volunteer to be Ferdinand..."