The Purest Snow

Chapter 10: What I Loved About The War

"Yeah I can't help you there bro... I was a baby," Rosella said. The three cousins, Tigris, Coriolanus and Rosella sat around the kitchen table, recapping the events of the interviews. Tigris had made it to see Lucy Gray's performance, and like Rosella, was enthralled by it. Even the Grandma'am had approved.

"You liked the parades!" Tigris said.

"Yeah... that's true. And the fireworks. Anything that was a spectacle really..." Coriolanus said.

"Just say something patriarchal. How you loved celebrating the honor and bravery of Panem's great soldiers and being proud of your country. Doctor Gaul loves that stuff." Rosella said.

"Remember when the soldiers came and brought us that turkey and gift basket? That was a good night! And Ro said her first word!" Tigris said.

"Really? What was it?" Rosella asked.

"You looked at Grandma'am and shouted 'go!'" Coriolanus laughed. "Little spitfire you were!"

    The three laughed and sat in comfortable silence, Tigris sewing, Coriolanus working on his essay and Rosella reading. She began to softly hum the tune of The Ballad Of Lucy Gray Baird.

    "Oh, I just loved it!" Tigris said, looking up from her work. "Can't get it out of my head. I expect the whole capitol will be singing it tonight!"

    "It was sooo good," Rosella said. "Her voice is beautiful obviously, but her song writing too... it was phenomenal!"

    "You guys don't think it was too... suggestive?" Coriolanus asked.

    "Suggestive of what?" Rosella asked.

    "I don't know... living by her charms... what do you think that meant?"

    "She's a performer, Coryo... it could have meant anything," Tigris said.

    He considered it. "I suppose."

    "You said she lost her parents. She's probably been fending for herself for years. I don't think anyone who survived the war and the years after can blame her for that." Tigris dropped her gaze. "We all did things we're not proud of."

"You didn't," he said.

    "Didn't I?" Tigris spoke with an uncharacteristic bitterness. "We all did. Maybe you were too little to remember. Maybe you didn't know how bad it really was."

    "How can you say that? That's all I remember," he shot back.

    "Then be kind, Coryo," she snapped. "And try not to look down on people who had to choose between death and disgrace."

    Both Rosella and Coriolanus raised their eyebrows in shock and Tigris left to go to her room. Coriolanus rose from his seat to follow her, but Rosella stopped him.

    "Let me," she said.

*****

    "Tigris?" Rosella asked, knocking on the door gently. Tigris turned from her desk with tears in her eyes. She wiped her tears quickly.

    "I'm fine," she said.

    "You're not fine Tigris..." Rosella whispered, sitting on the bed. "And that's okay. You don't have to be strong all the time. Coryo and I are getting older, and though you've done a great job at it, we don't need you to protect us from everything. Let us help you for once. Tell me what happened. Admitting it may help more than you realize..."

    "I think you know Ro... but I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it," Tigris said.

    "Well, at least listen to me talk. Whatever happened... wasn't your fault. Anything you've done, you did out of love for us. For our survival. And that is nothing to be ashamed of. That doesn't make you dirty or impure. It doesn't make you a bad person. The only thing you could ever be described as is selfless and kind. And most importantly, you are a victim. The same thing you and Coryo told me with Wren. It's no different for you."

    Tigris started to let the tears flow freely now.

    "And if you're not ready to talk about it that's absolutely fine. But when you are, I'm here, no matter what. And you will be ready someday. You're going to heal from this. And if there's one thing I know, it's that healing isn't easy... it's not linear... and it's a lot of work. You'll suffer for it, but you will achieve it and it will be worth it. You're gonna learn to love yourself again and you're going to thank yourself for it."

    Tigris sighed and laughed slightly. "When did you get so wise?"

    "Grew up a little I guess," Rosella shrugged. "Trust me, I understand what you're going through. You know that. And you're not alone."

    Tigris nodded. "I know, Ro... and I am so grateful for you."

    "Don't be grateful for me. Be proud, because everything good about me is from you. From the girl who stepped up and taught me kindness and courage even in the darkest of times. Even when you were still a child yourself. Everything I've done, and everything I have is because of you. And I love you so much," The cousins embraced for a long time.