KAITLIN YOU BETTER LEAVE RN!!!!!
A l e x
We sat at the beach for an hour before making our way back into town, they were engulfed in their own conversation while I just watched as the waves crashed at the beaches shoreline, tuning out their voices.
I missed going to the beach, Our mother used to take us a lot before the accident. She would also take us to new rivers and lakes. We were practically raised around water.
On our way back home Raya had found a place on my shoulder to rest her head, it made me feel things... Things that I shouldn't be feeling towards her.
Unlike our drive up the music was quiet and just in the back round, which calmed me down a little bit but I was still nervous about being in a car, I wish I didn't care like the first time I was in here.
I started to feel my eyes start to slowly flutter close when a sudden jolt of the truck forced my eyes to open, I instinctively started to panic, having flashbacks of the crash, the crash that ruined my whole life, That ruined my brothers life, that ruined both my parents lives.
I felt Rayas hands cup my face which somewhat brought me comfort, though I was still breathing heavily.
"Its okay, an animal ran across the road and Chat swerved to he didn't hit it, Its okay, we're okay" She pulled me into a hug and I clenched my eyes shut.
Stupid
Stupid
Stupid
God, they probably think I'm a freak, that I'm a loser.
I could feel Rayas fingers start to run through my hair. My breaths become more even but she still didn't let go.
I leaned into her touch, taking another deep breath. This feels good.
When I opened my eyes I realized that I was tucked into my bed in the guest room, I sighed, I don't think I've ever been so comfortable in my life. I sat up a little to see what the time is and I saw that it was 9:34 at night.
I rolled over and closed my eyes, attempting to fall asleep again.
After a few minutes of trying to fall back asleep I heard a quiet knock on the door, "mmm" I mumbled sitting up straight.
The door slowly opened to reveal a tired looking Raya with blankets wrapped her like a burrito. She was also holding a pillow.
"Can I sleep in here?" She asked, hugging the pillow to her chest tighter. I nodded with a genuine smile.
She flashed her famous grin and jumped onto the free space next to me.
For a few minutes we sat in silence, I knew she wanted to ask about what happened. I just didn't know if I was ready to tell her, The only person who knows was Miss Hailey.
I felt her shift and looked over to see her staring. We made eye contact but I immediately looked away blushing.
She then smirked.
She noticed.
shit.
She moved towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist, causing my breath to hitch.
Her head found its place in the crook of my neck. I swallowed hard when I felt her smile against my collarbone.
She knows damn well what she's doing. I looked down at her and she looked up at me.
we made eye contact for what felt like an eternity, Raya then looked down at my lips for a spilt second, then back to my eyes.
I felt myself leaning closer and she did to. Soon our lips made contact for a few seconds before I pulled away, coming to my senses.
I looked away and I saw her look sadden from the corner of my eye, which made me feel horrible.
She cleared her throat, "We should probably go to sleep, we have school tomorrow"
I just nodded. "I uh should probably head to my room"
I felt a wave of sadness come over me but I just pushed it down and nodded.
When the door closed I instantly went to grab clumps of my hair pull on it, gritting my teeth.
Why did I do that? it was clear I was enjoying it...
But its wrong. We were both girls.
I stood up and walked to the bathroom, looking for anything that was sharp.
Lord your stupid Alex.
Your Pathetic.
And Weak.
No ones ever gonna love you.
I opened draws until I found an unopened Razer. Quickly I un screwed it and the small blade fell into the palm of my hand.
I smiled and held it up, as if I had found a lost treasure.
I lowered the blade and brought it to my wrist. The familiar stinging feeling brought me a sense of relief. A sense of peace.
After I cleaned the blade I made sure to make it look like I never touched it at all. Screwing it up and then putting it in the shower, So if they do it They'll just assume I shaved.
Not that they should be in my bathroom anyway but just in case.
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😆😆😆
Love you all💋
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