They Don't Know About Us

Chapter 38

"La—you—" Kai was left speechless by Tonya's revelation. She had no idea about any of it until now.

"Yes, but just like Sasha, I left," Tonya turned her head to the side while tears began to form in her eyes.

"La," Kai held her grandmother's hand. "It's okay to cry." She wanted her to know that she doesn't have to hide anything from her.

Tonya continued to look away from her granddaughter. "But unlike Sasha, I wasn't brave enough to fight off the fear, the criticisms, the judgments, the ridicule—I decided for Catherine and I that it was best if we never see each other again."

Kai couldn't help the tears that glistened in her eyes. "Hindi nya man lang po ba kayo pinaglaban?" She had the urge to cry.

Tonya turned to look at her granddaughter. She squeezed her hand gently. "Apo, don't turn this against her. I'm reminding you that I was the one who made the decision for us not to be together," she reminded her.

Kai nodded. "Yes po, lola. Naiintindihan ko po. Hindi ko naman po binabaling sa kanya yung sisi eh. Hindi rin naman po kelangan may sisihin. I just want to know if she fought for you man lang ba. Kasi she has every right to, diba po? Kung mahal ka talaga nya, she'd at least try to fight to keep you and be with you."

Tonya rested her interlocked hands on her stomach. "She did, yes, but eventually, after I kept pushing her away, she gave up."

Kai looked sullen. "You don't give up on the one you love."

Tonya looked at her granddaughter. "Minsan, apo, there's no point trying to fight for someone na already gave up the fight. Do you understand?"

Kai frowned and shook her head. "Naiintindihan ko po which makes it even harder to understand kung bakit nag-give up po kayo when you said it yourself, she was your first love."

Tonya sighed as memories of her past with Catherine flooded her. "She is and forever will be my first love," she didn't deny it. "What she and I had for each other, for me, was real love. You know how that can be. Minsan kasi apo, when you love someone, sometimes you are required to weigh out the pros and cons. Loving someone teaches you a lot about sacrifice. Minsan you have no other choice but to decide what is best for you and the one you love."

Kai couldn't help but be bothered by this. "So you think this is what's best for her? Ang talikuran sya? Shouldn't it be both your decision? Hindi yung sayo lang? Out of sight, out of mind, ganun po ba?"

Tonya fought the intense urge to weep out loud. Instead, she let the tears silently roll down her cheeks. "My dear, I think you know by now that 'out of sight' doesn't always lead to 'out of mind'."

Kai frowned. "Don't you think that's not fair for lolo? You're thinking about someone else habang you're with him."

Tonya shook her head and gave her a gentle but sad smile. "Apo, just because I'm thinking about Catherine doesn't mean I want to be with her or long to be with her. When I decided that it was best for me and Catherine to not be together, buong puso kong tinanggap yun. So each time I'm reminded of her and I think about her, I just wonder and hope na she is well, na sana kung nasan sya, she's surrounded by people that are taking care of her and loving her. Then I say a little prayer, asking God na sana kung nasan sya, He is with her binabantayan sya. Oo, minsan, hindi maiiwasan to think about the what-ifs. Pano kaya kung pinagpatuloy namin ang meron kami? Pano kung hindi ko sya pinakawalan? How would our lives be? Then I get reminded na had I not let her go, I wouldn't have you. I wouldn't have your mom, and Kiera at lahat ng meron ako ngayon. And because of that decision, I wouldn't have gained the family that I have now."

Kai wiped the tears that managed to escape from her eyes. "But are you genuinely happy, lola?" She couldn't help but ask.

"I'm content, and being content is, for me, better than being happy. Being content remains despite the situation you're in. Being happy depends on whether or not the situation is in favor of you or not. Mas gusto ko na kuntento ako regardless of what I have and what situation I'm in," Tonya explained.