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"SO JUDAH, What brings you to therapy?" The older woman asked Judah who sat slouched on the sectional couch of the quiet office.
"My lady said she think it'a be good for me," He answered simply, already ready to go home.
His session had just started and he only needed to be there for 45 minutes, but the energy inside the office felt so draining.
His therapist was an older black woman, she looked to be in her 40s maybe 50s, her name was Amelia.
Judah didn't know how he felt about her yet, mainly because he'd only spoken to her once, but he would just have to see.
"Why do you think she did that?" Amelia asked, pulling out her laptop so that she could take notes.
"She thinks I'm crazy," He said truthfully.
"Well, did she say that?"
"She say she doesn't, but I know she does," Judah replies, only because that's truly what he thought.
"Why do you think that?"
"I did some shit that scared the fuck out of her when I first met her, and did some more shit that scared her afterwards, I can't really say it in here,"
"Anything you say in here can't be shared with anyone else, not even the police. But if you don't feel comfortable sharing that is totally fine," Amelia reminded.
"Why did you do those things Judah? The things that scared her,"
"The first time it really ain't had nothing to do with her, she was just there. But the second time, I just had to make sure that I could keep her around. I ain't want to lose her," He answered with a shrug, though he felt himself getting into his own head already.
"Do you feel like you would've lost her if you would have approached her normally?"
"Yeah, ain't nobody really stuck by me before so why would she be any different? I spent years tryna' change myself so folks ah' wanna' be around me but as soon as I try to lock shit down it go bad,"
"What were the kind of things did you used to 'lock it down'"
"Normal shit, nice ass dinners, showering them with gifts, I used to be soft as hell and I'm tryna' get rid of that. My ass used to get cheated on like crazy and I still tried to make shit work,"
"Judah, that's not being soft, that's being a gentleman. It's clear that for the most part, you weren't the problem, the women you used to be with were" Amelia began.
"Sometimes people are just going to do shitty things, all of us do, we're human. When someone does a shitty thing to you, it's up to you to decide whether you want to stay around them or not. Eventually, you did decide to leave, which is good, but that doesn't mean that you need to change yourself for every woman you encounter," Amelia explained, Judah just listened intently.
