Grace

3- moving back home.

A few weeks later.

I was honestly pretty thrilled to move back home. I knew it would be less toxic and I'd be happier. I loved living by the water, but not with him. Sometimes I thought about how I would never want to live far away from home with him ever again. Or far from home in general. I felt so isolated from my family and friends.

He was at work while I packed my things away. Thank God I got some time to myself. I always knew time to myself would be peaceful- whether I was sad or not. It was much more peaceful than spending time with him. 

I picked up a stuffed animal turtle he gave me. He won it at the arcade on our first date, four years ago. It made me happy. I loved how things felt with him in the beginning and I constantly reminisced on those memories. I wished things were still like that now. 

As I put the turtle in my brown Home Depot box labelled "Gracie", it made me sad that things hadn't felt the same way they used to. He wasn't the same person he used to be... but neither was I.

I'd be longing to feel the way I used to feel, before I met him. The me I used to be. I missed me. It had been such a long time since I had felt like myself. Maybe spending more time with my dad and my grandma at home is just what I needed.

I was grateful for the chance at moving back home. I counted all my lucky stars in the sky. I loved living at home. The only reason I moved out was to live with him. Not only was that a mistake, it was a regret. But I always reminded myself that things happened for a reason. And this happened for a reason.

Hunter was pissed when I first told him we should move back home, with our parents and separately. He accused me of having another boyfriend back in the area where we were from. If I did have one, why the hell would I still be here? 

Even though he eventually agreed to it, he hated the idea of moving back home. He's in love with this beach, everything about it. The blueness of the ocean, the fishing pier that leads pretty far out into the water, the way the bay connects to the ocean, people feeding the seagulls. This beach was tainted for me. I'll probably never come back. Every memory I have here is just filled with depression and arguments. 

As I finished packing, I sat down on the bottom edge of the bed and laid back. I didn't really know how I was feeling. Happy? Sad? Numb maybe. Three more hours until Hunter would get home from work. I was hoping he wouldn't ask to do anything else before we left. I figured maybe I'd just use this time to pack up my car so I'll be ready for the drive when he got back. 

I didn't really know the neighbors too well, but I saw them sitting on their porch watching me bring the boxes out to my car. There was a couple, a guy and a girl.

"You moving already? You guys just got here," the guy said, trying to make small talk. 

"Yeah. Going back home" I replied.

"That's cool, safe travels and take care of yourselves" he said. The girl didn't say anything, but she smiled at me and waved.

I was hoping they'd go back inside soon, while I was packing the car. I always got so embarrassed seeing them, because I knew they heard us fight all the time. They probably hated us, but only pretended to be friendly so we wouldn't figure out it was them that called the police those few times. But we knew. They were the only ones that lived here longer than just the summer season.

Thankfully, I watched them get up and walk inside their front door. I had to put the box down to open the car door. I didn't have much stuff so I knew the move would be an easy one. We left the furniture there because it was my mom's summer house. We only took the things that we got there with. I put the box on the backseat of my jeep. Only four more boxes to go, I thought. 

I brought the rest of the boxes out and packed them in the car. I had to shove the last one in there so it would fit. They were all squished in.

When Hunter got home, he packed up his car and we left to head home. Thankfully he didn't want to go anywhere "one last time". I think he went to all his places the week before. As I drove home, it was the most peaceful drive I've ever experienced. The wind in my hair. The darkness of the sky. I could see all the stars, they were so bright. Those were all my lucky stars.