The Girl by the Sea (Countryhumans AU)

Dueling

Written: February 7, 2024

The schoolday passes in a blur. I meet Australia behind the school with Habu Babu. The air is charged with unreleased energy, winding up to its limit. "I'm making twenty dollars today, Ry." Australia says as Bartholomew slithers out of his backpack.

"Yeah? Well, I'm not going home empty-handed." I reply confidently, releasing Habu Babu alongside him. Our two snakes slither next to each other, poised to engage in combat.

"Don't get me wrong. He's an impressive snake... but I hope you're ready to walk home 20 dollars light-" Australia says before his sentence is cut short by Bartholomew's sudden lunge.
Both snakes hiss and lash out at each other. Habu Babu is a smaller snake but manages to dodge Bartholomew's attacks, getting behind him and striking. Bartholomew falls back, but quickly recovers, turning around and facing Habu Babu head-on. Bartholomew hisses sharply in agitation, but Habu Babu simply stares menacingly. A few seconds pass before both snakes lunge at each other, locked in a fierce melee.

"COME ON, NOW!" Australia cheers. "THINK OF ALL THE CRISPS WE COULD BUY WITH 20 DOLLARS!"

"Snakes don't eat that stuff." I scoff, watching the scuffle between Habu Babu and Bartholomew.

"They're for me, you dingus!" Australia retorts. "And if Habu Babu wins, which I'm betting he won't, you'd get the twenty bucks too."
The two snakes continue to lunge and strike at each other. Neither seems to be winning the battle. Habu Babu is quicker and more agile, but Bartholomew's size and strength advantage are quite evident.

"I'll probably spend it on some toys for Habu Babu."

"Huh? What toys? He's a snake for heaven's sake! What toys would he play with?" Australia asks curiously, glancing back and forth between the two snakes locked in the battle. Habu Babu and Bartholomew are now locked in an intense slithering contest. They coil and uncoil themselves around each other, one trying to subdue the other.

"You'd be surprised." I remark. I squint at the snakes, my eyes widening as I realize what's going on. "AUSSIE!" I shout! "I DON'T THINK THEY'RE FIGHTING!"

"Huh, what do you-" Australia analyzes the snakes. "Oh. BARTHOLOMEW IS A GIRL?!"

"THEY'RE MATING!" My hands fly up and grab my head. "GET THEM A ROOM!"

Australia's eyes widen, as the realization dawns on him that the two snakes' intense slithering was, in fact, a mating display.

"THEY'RE MATING?!" he yells in utter shock, gazing at the snakes making the snake equivalent of sweet, sweet love.

"GIVE THEM SOME ALONE TIME!" I shout, my hands grabbing my head as I struggle to come to terms with the reality in front of me.

"Guess I'll rename Bartholomew." Australia shrugged. "I'll call her Bertha." The two of us watch as our snakes "battle," coiling around each other. "Ry, this is insane." Aussie sighs.

"I'm gonna be a grandma." I chuckle. "The hatchlings will call me Obaa-chan."

"Grandma?" Australia raises a skeptical eyebrow. "You're not even seventeen!"

"Yeah, but I know that Bartholomew-" or Bertha - "and Habu Babu will have some beautiful babies."

The two snakes continue to engage in their amorous struggle, slithering around each other and coiling tightly against each other. Australia shakes his head. "This is the weirdest day ever."

"This is so much better than a fight." My hand finds Australia's. "We're gonna be grandparents."

"Y'know, maybe we can keep the twenty dollars and call the bet off." Australia squeezes my hand.