The Girl by the Sea (Countryhumans AU)

Only His

Written: March 1, 2024

North offered to drive me to school the next day. I sit in the passenger seat, staring blankly out the window. North's hand keeps a gentle grip on my shoulder, his eye fixed on the road. He stops at a traffic light and sighs.

"You're so quiet now, Oki." He commented, his voice drowned in remorse. "I get why you're sad, I totally do, but—"

"I'm fine." I interject. "I'm doing just fine." He sighs, continuing the way to school. When we get to the parking lot, he stares at me for a long while, hand reaching out to stroke my face. He pulls me to his chest, sighing deeply.

"I will find him." He reassuringly whispered, his voice like the hush of calm waves. "I have a shovel, lawyer, and alibi." He ran his fingers through my loose hair. I didn't put it up today. I can't even look at the pin I used to keep in my hair. I need to wash it anyway since it's all bloody from this morning. North's hand travels down to my sleeve. He pulls it up to reveal a pasty white bandage, the faintest spots of blood staining it. North tightened the bandage and stroked it a few times.

"I have no idea how this helps you cope." He admitted gravely. "I don't want to condone this behavior, but I don't want to tell Japan either." My ears perk up.

"Why?"

"She'll send you to that mental hospital again." North gently pulled my sleeve back over my wrist. He looks me in the eye, his gaze soft and showing the slightest tinge of agony. "The thought of you being there scares me. All alone, strangers probing you with questions."

A long silence suffocated the air. It incessantly longed to be broken, but I couldn't think of anything else other than how much I wanted to end it all.

_______

"You can't die just like that! Everyone has their struggles." I felt as if Father was talking to me. His icy blue eyes were filled with fury. "You're just a weak woman."

"Please, Nippon, the baby is sleeping." Huh? I don't remember saying that. And what baby? It's as though I experienced this before.

"Oh, be quiet. She'll be fine." Instinctively, Father, er, Nippon, er, Father, looked over to Japan's bedroom, where she was peacefully asleep in her cot. He seems to really love her. What is this deja vu?

"You have no reason to kill yourself, Joseon." Joseon...Joseon...My mother. I'm seeing my mother's memories.

_______

"Oki," North's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. "Try to have a good day at school." He kisses my forehead, whispering words of encouragement—a modicum of support for me.

As North's gentle kiss lingers on my forehead, I feel a flicker of warmth amidst the darkness that threatens to engulf me. His words of encouragement resonate deep within me, a reminder that even in the depths of despair, there are glimmers of hope to hold onto.

"Thank you, North," I murmur softly, my voice barely above a whisper. "I'll try."

With a heavy heart and a sense of trepidation, I step out of the car. "Okinawa!" North calls out. I turn around to look. "I love you, Oki!" He exclaims before driving away. I walk into the courtyard which was buzzing with the chatter of students.

I sigh deeply, feeling a sort of lingering heaviness on my shoulders. It feels as though it's weighing my heart down. My gaze is fixed on the ground, only able to witness the monotone colors of asphalt and my shoes.

"Ry!" Australia rushes over to me. "Ryukyu!" Australia's eyebrows were bunched up in concern, his pale eyes laden with worry. I can't find the will to respond. What's the point? He wouldn't understand. He wouldn't believe me over his older brother, America.