The Girl by the Sea (Countryhumans AU)

Already Dead

Written: April 2, 2024

This chapter reminded me of the song above. It was popular in Uzbekistan during the Covid-19 era because it expressed how everyone was feeling: Upset and afraid to lose their loved ones. Personally, I prefer the cover by Shaxriyor, but the visualizer (with interruptions for the story) by the original singer explains more of what the song is about. SHAXRIYOR SUPREMACY

South drops me off at school. I wave goodbye to my brother and head off to the courtyard. Passing through waves of students, I catch Australia's gave downcast out of the corner of my eye. I hurriedly approach him, a wave of concern mingled with guilt wahing over me.

"Aussie?" I gently call. Australia turns to face me, and at first it seems like his expression is blank, void of emotion, but after a couple of seconds, I notice the red-rimmed eyes and the tearstains on his face. I can't help feeling a wave of guilt wash over me as I see the state he's in.

"What's wrong?" I ask hesitantly, my tone filled with worry as I approach him, my heart beating rapidly in my chest at the sight of his clearly emotional state. Before anything, Australia traps me in a bear hug. I reciprocate it, everything steady until he began heaving with choked sobs. My heart rate rises sharply as the worry increases dramatically, and I instinctively pull him in closer, my arms tightening around him as I try to comfort him the best way I know how.

"R-ryukyu, I was so scared." Australia croaks. "Ya made it. Yer alive."

"Of course I'm alive." I muttered reassuringly, holding him tightly as I felt my own body begin to shake slightly. I was just in such a state after I attempted to take my own life, and seeing Australia in such an emotional state just caused everything to flood back, the pain and the guilt.

"Don't cry," I continued. In spite of the fact that it was obvious that he was in such a state of immense distress, I couldn't help but feel the need to reassure him. "I'm alright." I managed to make it out as I gripped him closely, my eyes burning softly as I felt the pain and the guilt surge all throughout myself once more.

Australia sniffles. "Ry, without chu, I'm already dead." He admits. My heart skips a beat as I hear his words, feeling a hint of sadness wash over me as he admits just how important I am to him. I feel touched, but at the same time, I can't help but feel a pang of guilt too, the thought of potentially hurting him enough to the point where he would just give up on life just made my heart feel heavy, but at the same time, it also gave me a sense of relief that my attempt had failed.

"Talk to me, Ry." Austalia pulls away from the hug to look me in the eyes. He blinked away a few tears. "I don't want to lose ya."

I gulped nervously as I met his gaze, my eyes burning softly as I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. I knew that Australia meant every word he was saying, and I could tell just how much I meant to him, but at the same time, I just felt so ashamed and guilty for doing what I did.

"I promise," I blurted out, "I won't do it again." Australia nods. He pulls me back into his arms and whispers,

"I just love yer so much." His voice cracks. "I don't want to hurt ya." At that moment, I felt a wave of euphoria. I felt as if my body was light again. The heaviness was gone.

Could it be? Is Amma...at peace? And all it took was for someone to tell her that she is loved. I chuckle softly at the realization. Amma's mabui can rest now.

I can't help but smile as I felt my body relax even further, my heart beating slowly once more. This was just what I needed, and after everything that I had been through lately, having Australia tell me just how much he cares about me and how much he loves me felt like a warm blanket wrapping around me, making me feel safe and protected. It made me feel as if the sun was shining brightly around me and the darkness had all but faded away, the warmth and the positivity surrounding me like a warm hug.

Amma just needed love. All she needed was that genuine warmth of knowing what love feels like. Knowing the feeling my father never gave her. The thought made my heart ache a little bit, but at the same time feel a sense of relief. After all this time, she had finally gotten the love that she deserved. The love that she so desperately needed, the love that she never got from our father. The warmth and the affirmation from Australia was exactly what she needed so she could finally rest in peace.

Now stands the question: How do I get my soul back? Of course, I know I lost it when America "touched" me, but where do I find it? The yuta claimed I need to learn myself.

Australia held my face carefully between his hands. "Do ya have any idea how scary it was for me?" He asked earnestly, his eyes filled with genuine concern for me. "Seeing North sobbing uncontrollably, then telling me ya may have died." My body shivered at his words, and I couldn't help but feel a wave of guilt wash over me.

"I know, I know" I muttered tearfully, feeling the guilt seep deeper into my soul.

"Don't do it again. I care so much about ya, Ryukyu. I need ya." Australia fixed the pin in my hair. He rubbed the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. He offered me a soft smile while holding my hands.

I returned his smile with a soft smile of my own as I took in the moment, savoring every single second of it as my hand gently squeezed his, my fingers entwining with his own. As our hands continued to cling to one another, I couldn't help but feel my throat tighten once more, the emotion of the moment overwhelming me for but a second as I felt my body begin to shake again.

"I love you, flying fox" I managed to whisper softly.

"I love ya more, koala." He replied, smiling jovially.

I playfully punched his arm with a small smirk as he returned my playful tone with one of his own. "No way," I retaliated. "I love you the most."

The schoolbell rang, signaling the start of the day. Australia and I present each other with small smiles before parting ways. Amma is at peace, Australia is happy, and the only thing I need to do now is to find myself.

Little did I know, without Amma, things would come crashing down really, really fast.

FINALLY ON SPRING BREAK AS OF APRIL 1!

Anyway, these last few days were chaotic with the Nazi dude and my preceding attempt. I'm happy to say I'm doing much better! Thank you all for 100 followers, which was reached yesterday.

Anyway, Aussinawa go brrrrrrrrrr