The Love Dodecahedron Duology (Book 1 + 2)

Chapter 9

Chardonnay galloped through the Northe Mouldy College hallways like a wolf-platypus hybrid forced out of water. As he racked his brain for the name of his favourite Girls Und Panzer character, he saw a majestic oily mop of hair from the corner of his squinty ching chong eyes. It was his saviour, Spartacus The Mighty the Great! He should say "hi", because that's what friends do, right? Chardonnay flailed like an onion ring towards the bespectacled rice farmer boy.

And then he saw it. Spartacus was talking to an Intelligente, one of the nerds in his class, Obamanique! Chardonnay felt an emotion welling up inside him, it felt as if his inner AK-47 had decided to shoot him in the heart. It wasn't anger, or sadness. It was jealousy. Chardonnay was jealous that some random goofy beta male had taken his only friend. He crab walked closer to the two, hoping to get close enough to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"AOT is so peak no cap frfr. Anyone who doesn't like it is such an insentient vegetable"

Obamanique replied, "Yes, I could not agree more. Attack on Titan has such deep and intricate storytelling, as well as stellar animation. May I ask what other weeb tendencies you indulge in?" He smacked his juicy lips and patiently awaited Spartacus' answer.

This was Chardonnay's chance! He could learn all about Spartacus' favourite shows! He leaned in close like low-hanging ceiling fan. "COTE is so fire," Spartacus grumbled in his low emo rooster catboy femboy tsundere goldfish voice. "Peasants that don't understand that COTE is peak fiction are incapable of proper brain-cell usage."

After hearing this, Chardonnay leapt out of his hiding spot on the ceiling fan and down the stairs, frolicking all the way back home, forgetting entirely that he had school. After all, he had to watch Classroom of the Elite to earn the respect of his beloved Spartacus. He ran all the way back home, jaywalking multiple times and committing various felonies, with the grace and majesty of a My Little Pony OC.

Chardonnay had broken Einstein's laws of relativity, being able to binge through Classroom of the Elite all the way to the newly released season 3 episode 8, in just 3 hours. He had most enjoyed the part where main character Ayanokoji had told Kei to "spread her legs". Very sigma of him. Just as he skipped the final ending credits scene, he heard his alarm ring. It was 3:00am, and time for Chardonnay to eat soggy rice bubbles and fried eggplant for breakfast. He hadn't gotten any sleep at all.

Chardonnay's extreme sleep deprivation had made it extremely difficult for him to concentrate on his mathecking. Instead of doing his Methspace, he had spent his time in mathecking class daydreaming about impressing Spartacus with his degeneratay rizz, as Mr Chwa droned on about interest rates in the background.

"Um, uh, um, Chardonnay, what is 2000 times bracket one plus zero point zero five over twelve bracket twelve times two to the power of pi squared minus fifty seven point seven seven over one third times the quotient of ten and three?"

"Banana and supreme brick", Chardonnay managed to get out, before the Cocomelon theme song rang through the air, signalling the start of recess. Chardonnay dashed out of the classroom faster than Sonic the Hedgehog, leaving behind his laptop, lunch money, textbooks, compasses, manga volumes, headphones, organs, eyebrow pringles (curtesy of The Elizabreath) and pencil case.

He groggily meandered across the oval, much alike his receding hairline, all his dulled uwu senses focused on looking for Spartacus. However, as he was using all his might to listen for Spartacus' silky purring emo voice, he hadn't noticed the soft "globgogobloglob" growing ever closer to him.

Chardonnay bumped into a tree, causing all its leaves to fall out and onto his head. He turned around to see the tentacle creature yet again, with the same Northe Mouldy College bucket hat, this time with highlighter yellow sunglasses. Its slimy tendrils reached out to Chardonnay as he shrieked "S-s-someone~ anyone~ save me pls uwu~~! Puweese! TwT~" He closed his tiny eyes and braced for impact. But the impact never came.

He slowly opened his eyes, half expecting to awake in the afterlife. And for a second he thought he had seen an angel. It was Spartacus, who had saved him yet again! Spartacus swept his hair back grandly, adjusted his emo mask, and looked back at Chardonnay. "Th-thank y-y-you s-s-s-s-so much f-for saving me again !!1!!1!!!" he cried. He's just lik cid kagnou fr.

Spartacus responded in a low emo growl, "It's not like I did it for you, peasant. I would've done the same for any other Degeneratay. We are the supreme species." Sparacus threw Chardonnay his laptop, lunch money, textbooks, compasses, manga volumes, headphones, organs, potato chips and pencil case. "You left these in a classroom." Chardonnay fumbled to catch the items while instantaneously doing a triple axel and cartwheel, and he fell over, hitting yet another tree.

Just as Spartacus was about to walk away, Chardonnay gathered up his courage using the power of alpha and called at him. "w- wait! Don't you think the COTE anime is so exponentially excellent?"

Spartacus snarled, his inner catboy wrinkling it's nose. "The COTE anime is so mid. The light novels are so much better. Come back to me once you understand, Chardonnay who has not learnst the boxing."

Chardonnay was crushed like a fly being swatted by an Asian parent's slipper. How could he have missed such a crucial point about Spartacus' favourite series? He crawled away, dejected, his AK-47 soul in pieces, and excreted out of his nostrils as tie-dyed beaver fur.

Spartacus sighed. Had he overestimated Chardonnay? No, it was a lost cause to make friends anyways. He shuddered at the thought of The Elizabreath, who had previously attempted to poison his pumpkin spice latte with cyanide she had stolen from the kemistri labs. How rhidikuluss. 

But even so, Spartacus felt 1/92304712.31 of his heart beating for Chardonnay who has not learnst the boxing. He knew it was a bad idea to stop chugging hand sanitiser. It was doing loopy doopy things to his brain.