The Love Dodecahedron Duology (Book 1 + 2)

Chapter 12

Noah's hands were shaking uwu-ly as he turned his test paper over. Looking at the big red number in the corner, he dropped the paper and sprinted out the hall, into the greasy arms of Bry-bry. "BRYYRyryRYryRYyrRARN!"

"Vod?" Bryan said, simultaneously mimicking a hooded cobra to assert his dominance, his elbows splayed open in a display of power, trying to keep his calm composure and nerdy pimples.

"I hath passed le test!"

Bryan's mouth dropped. Sure, he had spent the past 1384 hours teaching Noah the basics of addition, but he hadn't expected such great results! His boyfri- no, best male friend, was such a genius.

"I think I'll have at getting into Harvard! It's not everyday a person is as smart as a degeneratay is a as a me!"

"Yes! Yippee!" His sudden outburst caused his inner goldfish to erupt as he flopped around and ran off with Noah into the sunset.

They kept flopping and galloping until they reached the meats isle of the school's local shopping centre.

"Noa-"

"Bry-"

The two started talking at the same time, leaving them giggling like a Ms Baguette branded carpet.

"Noa-"

"Bry-"

Ugh! They'd did it again. There was no sponge giggling this time.

"NOA-"

"BRY-"

Stupido. This was much the awkward.

"I LOVE-"

"I LOVE YOU"

Noah finally stammered it out. Feeling an intense passionate super great sweaty icky sticky moist humid tropical heat in his cheek, he turned around and ran right into the glass of the fridge. Great. Now he was embarrassed AND bashful 🙈.

Bryan approached with the curiosity he usually reserved for integral calculus. Noah cowered down, wrapping his petite delicate petite arms around himself cutely. He shamefully looked to the side, avoiding the dominant alpha gaze.

Bryan wracked his museum quality brain. No-no loved him? Nevermind. It was expected. Through all his years at Northe Mouldy, he'd garnered the attention of not 1, not 2, but 3 gworls (they had conspicuously rejected him after, screaming at him to "get his ugly ass fickle face out of a 300 meter radius of them", but he preferred not to divert his attention from the truth).

"Bry-bry... what did you say you loved?"

Bryan's heart skipped a beat. Reaching into his pocket for the weed he'd picked earlier (it had been conveniently on the ground, strangely), he prepared to give it to Noah. Stepping forward, a chonky hand slid a Cheerio box under his foot and tripped him over and made him face plant directly into the lips of Noah.

Clarence hadn't felt like herself lately. Her left eye orb kept twitching in her socket. She'd had the overwhelming urge to drop everything and listen to the soothing sound of Skibidi toilet non stop. That was what she was doing now, actually. But it was fine. She was always a stronge and hangry person. Munching on another crunchy laptop dipped in fried stomach acid, she hit replay.

Maya, master of rizz, prowled through the shadows of the Stonks building. A solemn object sat on a moldy brick chair. Upon closer inspection with her alpha vision, she could see that it was Boomquifa.

"What doth thou vond?"

Startled, Maya froze. Gathering herself, she blasted Woof woof by SHINee into her ears through her TXT branded earpods (at maximum volume, of course. She needed to train her ear drums for Dr Lark's Lucky Lanky Loopy Limbs competition). "I wast just wand'ring 'round, thanketh thee. I did need to cleareth mine own mind from all the miching mallecho (meaning mischief) Clarence and Laurel-yanny has't been up to 👺🙉"

Boomquifa stopped dabbing violently. "Laurel-yanny? The monkey is mine own cousin. Prithee bid."

Breaking from her Shakespearean rant, she regurgitated all the things she'd kept to herself. "Ugh 😩! She's so annoying! Why would she use her powers to get Spartacus and Chardonnay together any-" Her voice cracked. Non. Non non. O non non nononononoononon. Boomquifa wasn't supposed to know this.

"PoWers??" Boomquifa wrinkled her nostrils and frowned those eye orbs and cavities. Powers to bring two people together?

Maya knew Boomquifa wouldn't stop prying. In fact, if Maya didn't "obliviate!" her with her off-brand Elder wand, Boomquifa would most likely cackle and run off with the information, spreading it like a disease in a jar to every person in the school. No. In the world. No. In the univer-

"Excusemuhwuwah! When are you going to answer my kuhqeschione!1!1!!11"

So Maya spilled everything. Clarence and her friends, Laurel-yanny and Tikki, had been chosen for an almighty mew task. They'd been granted with the power of Fanum Tax by the Spherical Overlord, making them able to pair any two people together. Why? In the name of unhinged. The universe was in delicate balance between the hinged world, and its unhinged residents. This equilibrium controlled the fabric of space-time itself. Even without one unhinged person, the world would collapse into itself. Both literally and metaphorically. Maya had also been chosen as well. Too bad she'd returned the parent approval form a minute late.

Boomquifa couldn't believe it. It explained everything. Why she'd felt an immediate pull to The Elizabreath, causing them to meet. Why The Elizabreath had suddenly appeared with her favourite food. Why she was in luove. Clarence. Clarence was the person who'd lured The Elizabreath into her proximity with Minecoins, the person who'd set them up. It was all fake. All of it.

Spartacus and Chardonnay? The blooming love between two seemingly atrocious people? Noah and Bryan? Even though they claimed they didn't love each other? All fake.

But one thing didn't make sense. One thang that could change everythang. "Who was in charge of Helga and Noah's gf?"

Maya paused, sighing. "You needed to know someday."

"SO WHO?! You guys show up here, create all these fake relationships? For what? Do I even truly love The Elizabreath? Was it all a lie? Would I hate her the moment you stop sprinkling your demented ass blue sparkly Ms Baguette flavoured pixel shuttle cow magic? ANSWER!!!!1! RAWR!"

"I'm sorry, Boomquifa. It was me."

That one phrase seemed to change Boomquifa in ways she could've never imagined. From the start, she'd thought she was incapable of loving anything but Stileapp. This just confirmed it. She was under a drug the entire. Time.

Her brain hurt (which was unusual, considering she'd upgraded her ram to 130489475924 gb). Her toes shook with every handstand step she took on her ears. Something snapped. Something broke. Something in herself bent itself over and shrivelled. She was empty.

Boomquifa had become hinged.