Right Place, Right Time - Rhea Ripley

Chapter 10 - Sleepless Nights

TW: Suicidal Thoughts, PTSD

I shot up out of bed, hearing the screams of horror, the smell of smoke and the wailing sirens of a fire truck piercing my ears, everything was closing in on me.

I pressed my hands to my ears, saying "Go away, go the fuck away!"

But the never ending sounds kept playing in my head, the sights of the fire burning everything I knew still haunted me, and the feeling of helplessness crept back up on me. I tried to focus on something else, anything else, but it was as if my brain was stuck on replay. I got up and paced around the room, my heart racing, my hands shaking. I wanted to escape, to run away from the memories that seemed to be chasing me, but I knew I couldn't.

I groaned, the sounds hurting my ears, that now added an extra sound to the chaos, the ringing deep in my eardrums, like a constant, never ending alarm. The smell of smoke, of burnt wood and plastic, it was everywhere, clogging up my nose and making me want to vomit. I covered my face with a pillow, trying to drown out the noise, the smell, anything that reminded me of the fire. But it was no use, it was all still there, seared into my memories.

The tears started to flow as I lay there, sobbing into my pillow. My whole body ached, both physically and emotionally. I wished I could go back in time, before the fire, when things were simple and easy. I wished I could un see the horrified faces of the people, the hopelessness in their eyes. I wished I could forget the feeling of helplessness as I stood there, watching it all burn.

I rolled over and stared at the ceiling, the shadows dancing on the walls, making it feel like the fire was still there, licking at everything I owned. My thoughts kept spiraling out of control, and the more I tried to push them away, the harder they came back. I felt trapped, like I was living in a nightmare that wouldn't end.

My throat tightened, breathing was becoming difficult as my thoughts spiraled out of control. I felt trapped, helpless, like I was drowning in my own memories. I couldn't help but wonder if this was how the people in the fire felt, if they had ever felt this kind of hopelessness. The pain was unbearable, a physical weight pressing down on my chest, making it hard to breathe. I wanted to scream, to get away from these memories, but I knew that wouldn't help. I didn't want to be alone, but at the same time, I couldn't stand the company of anyone else.

"Kayla? Kayla!" A female voice called out to me, sounding distant and far away. I forced myself to open my eyes, the dim light of the room making my head throb.

There was a dark silhouette by the doorway of my room, a figure I didn't recognise. I blinked, trying to bring the person into focus. I thought it was yet another thing to add to the list of hallucinations I had endured,

"Go away go away GO AWAY!" I screamed, breathing heavily, my heart racing. I felt trapped, like I was back in the fire, the smoke and flames surrounding me, closing in. The figure by the doorway took a step forward, her face becoming more visible.

It was Demi.

I stared at my best friend in disbelief. "Demi?" Her face was pale, her eyes wide with concern. I wanted to push her away, to make her go away like all the other memories, but I couldn't move. "What are you doing here?" I managed to croak out.

"I heard you, what's going on!?" I remembered in that moment I was now living with Demi, and she had a spare room. I had practically thrown myself on her mercy and moved in with her, barely able to function after losing everything. She had been nothing but supportive, but I couldn't help but feel guilty for bringing her into this mess.

She rushed over to sit beside me, I could barely hear what she was saying as the sounds continued to assault my ears. "Kayla, it's okay, it's okay," she kept repeating, her hands on my shoulders, her voice shaking slightly. I wanted to tell her to leave me alone, that I didn't want her pity, but I couldn't find the words.

Demi continued to rub my shoulders, trying to soothe me, and I couldn't help but feel a tiny bit of comfort from her touch. "It's going to be okay, you know," she said softly. "You're going to get through this." Her voice was steady, but there was an undercurrent of fear that I could hear even through the ringing in my ears.

I closed my eyes again, trying to block out the memories, the sounds, the smells. "I just want to forget, Demi," I whispered, my voice barely audible even to myself. "I just want it all to go away."

She let out a shaky breath and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close. "I know, Kayla. I know it feels impossible right now, but you will get through this. You're stronger than you think you are." Her voice was soothing, almost hypnotic, and for a moment, I believed her. I felt the tension begin to ease from my body as I leaned into her embrace.

The sounds faded away and I could now start to smell her perfume, a faint floral scent that I had always associated with safety and comfort. Demi held me close, her heartbeat steady against my ear as she continued to rock me gently. Time seemed to slow down, as if the world around us had come to a standstill, and all that mattered was the connection between us.

My breathing slowly began to steady, the panic starting to ebb away as I found solace in Demi's embrace. It was then that I realised she was crying too, her shoulders shaking as silent tears trickled down her cheeks. I pulled back slightly, wiping away a tear that had escaped my eyes, "I'm sorry," I whispered, "I didn't mean to make you cry."

She sniffled and smiled sadly at me. "It's not your fault, Kayla. I just hate seeing you like this. You've already been through so much..." Her fingers traced patterns on my arm, each touch gentle and reassuring. "I wish I could take it away, make it all go away for you."

I swallowed thickly, trying to find the words to express how I was feeling. "I know," I finally managed. "It's just... it's all so much. I feel like I'm drowning, and I can't seem to get a breath."

"I'm so sorry I told you to go away... I thought it was a hallucination..." I looked down, unable to meet her eyes. She squeezed my hand gently.

"It's okay, sweetie. I'm here for you now. I'm not going anywhere." She brushed a stray hair away from my face. "You know that, right?" I nodded, feeling the warmth of her touch spread through me. "So, why don't you tell me what's been going on? Maybe we can figure out a way to make things better, or at least a little less scary."

I sighed, ready to open up...

"Since the fire, every damn night I see, hear or smell something that reminds me of that morning... It wasn't usually that bad, bearable even... But tonight it all just hit at once. I could hear the screams of my neighbours, the smell of smoke, how lightheaded it made me... Everything, even the sirens... And when I saw you stood at the door, I thought it was someone coming to get me, smother me and drown me... I thought it was over, but it isn't. It never is. It's like it's all I can think about, the only thing I can see. And I'm just so tired of it. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up... That's how bad it's gotten Demi... I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how much more of this I can take."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I told her everything, every thought and fear that had been plaguing me since the fire. Demi held me close, her touch gentle and soothing as she stroked my hair and whispered reassurances into my ear. I could feel the weight of my words pressing down on my chest, but for once, I didn't feel like I was alone.

She pulled back slightly, cupping my face in her hands, and wiped away my tears. "I'm here for you, Kayla. You know that, right? I'm not going anywhere." Her voice was firm, her eyes filled with a determination that made me believe her. "And we're going to get through this together. I promise."

I took a deep breath, feeling some of the weight lifting from my chest. "Thanks, Demi. I'm sorry for... you know, freaking out on you."

She smiled reassuringly. "It's okay, sweetie. I'm here for you, remember? Now, why don't you try to get some sleep? We can talk more in the morning, when things don't feel so overwhelming."

I nodded, already feeling more at ease. "Okay. Thanks, Demi." I yawned, suddenly exhausted. "Do you... do you think I should see a therapist?"

She considered the question for a moment before responding. "I think it's a good idea. You've been through a lot, and sometimes talking to someone who's trained to help can make a big difference. But you know, you can always talk to me too. I'm here for you, no matter what."

I nodded, feeling a little more at ease. "Thanks, Demi. I'll think about it.."