Chapter 17 - Vacation.

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August 2020:

The rain pounded against the window, obscuring my view of the world outside. It was as if nature herself was crying for me, mourning the loss of something precious. I lay in bed, in Alyssa's spare room, the sheets twisted around me, the room cold and unwelcoming. My heart ached, a dull, persistent throb that seemed to echo through every inch of my being. Why did it have to end this way? I thought, bitter tears stinging my eyes. It felt as if everything I'd ever wanted was slipping through my fingers, like sand running through the hourglass of time.

I wanted to talk to Demi, to try and explain how I felt, but I knew that she wouldn't understand. Not now. Maybe not ever. The whole situation was a mess, and we were both to blame for who had made it that way. I remembered the way she looked at me that night we kissed, the way her eyes had sparkled when she smiled. I missed her so much it hurt.

I sat up in bed, the sheets falling away from my body, and rubbed my eyes. The ache in my chest wasn't getting any better, and I couldn't shake the feeling that something was still unresolved between us. Maybe it was the words we never said. Or maybe it was just the fact that we'd let our emotions get the better of us. Either way, I knew that I needed to find a way to move forward, to heal, and to eventually forgive myself for what had happened.

A message popped up on my phone, a notification from Demi. She'd sent me a text message, the first contact we'd had since the argument. My heart skipped a beat as I opened it, half-expecting her to apologise or try to explain her side, but no, it was as if she had forgotten everything,

"Hey Kayla. I'm currently on my way to Sydney. I'm going with my mum, dad and sister to see some extended family. Just thought I'd let you know, so you don't think I've disappeared."

I stared at the message, feeling a strange mix of emotions. Relief, sadness, anger, frustration. Why couldn't things just be simple between us? Why did they have to get so complicated? I wanted to respond, to say something, anything, but I couldn't find the words. Instead, I forced myself to type out a reply, trying to sound casual, unbothered.

"How long for?"

She replied instantly,

"Just over the weekend, I'll be back on Monday."

I stared at the message, feeling a strange mixture of emotions. I wanted to tell her that I missed her, that I was sorry for everything, but I couldn't bring myself to say those words. Instead, I forced myself to type out a reply, trying to sound casual, unbothered.

"Alright. Enjoy your trip. Take lots of pictures."

I stared at the message for a moment before hitting send. It was the best response I could come up with. It sounded polite, and it didn't reveal anything about how I was really feeling. After sending it, I went back to staring at the message from her, replaying it over and over in my head, trying to find some hidden meaning in her words. But there was nothing. She was just being nice, I told myself. It didn't mean anything more than that.

I spoke to Alyssa about it all and she offered some words of advice,

"Look, I think having a break is a good thing for you both. I can tell Demi still likes you and when she's back, maybe you could try talking to her again, you know, see where things stand. In the meantime, focus on yourself, Kayla. You can do this, I believe in you."

I gave her a hug and said my goodbyes, heading straight to mine and Demi's apartment, where I collapsed onto the couch, feeling more drained than I ever had before. The whole situation was exhausting, and I didn't know how much more of it I could take. As I lay there, staring up at the ceiling, I couldn't help but wonder if things would ever go back to the way they were. Would we ever be able to be just friends again? Would we ever be able to trust each other again?

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