Defy Gravity | The Sequel | Eren x OC

Chapter 39: The Deep Blue Sapphire Sea

The world is cruel,

But I still love you

No matter what I sacrifice,

 I'll still protect you

'Akuma no ko' by Ai Higuchi

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You wander around Greenwich and Chelsea aimlessly, lost in your thoughts completely. You turn your eyes up to the sky to see the cloud cover low and thick, blanketing New York City in grey. It's so thick and grey that it shrouds the top floors of the Twin Towers, just blocks from your neighbourhood. You look down at your white hair as you walk, you must be completely wrapped in your grief now with no way out.

You wander past a playground, busy with kids despite the earlier rains and you stop in your tracks as you hear them laughing and jumping around, chasing each other while dressed in their winter jackets and raincoats. You watch them sadly and make your way inside to sit down on a park bench, still dripping wet. Your heart hurts, it still not beating, and it sits like a heavy stone in your chest as you keep watching the children, completely oblivious of the grief you're going through.

In your mind, you see Oliver running around, his hair long and his eyes bright green as he holds Lily's hand. In your mind, you constantly have to call out for him to slow down cause she's so much smaller than he is before you sigh in exasperation and go pick her up to come and sit with you on your lap as you two watch Oliver keep running around and start chasing his peers mischievously. He's a little tyrant, just like his father, and he easily gets into fights with kids who don't like him, but deep down he has a good heart and you know he'd stick up for his sister in a heartbeat if anyone picked on her.

You must be sat on that bench for well over an hour, pretending to hold your toddler in your lap, caressing her auburn hair as you hear Oliver's rambunctious laughter in your head when you hear steps approaching and the visions of your children blow away. You turn to see Eren coming up to you, a white bag in his hand and sitting down to watch the kids with you.

"I'm sorry, I was getting worried," he says quietly as he drops the bag next to him. "I had a feeling you might be somewhere like here..."

"Yeah," you respond just as quietly, "sometimes I like to come here and just pretend they're here, laughing and playing with the others..."

"I'm sorry Eury. I never should've shown you the box," Eren sighs heavily. "Not today of all days."

"Would there ever be a right time to show me the box Eren?" Eren thinks it over quietly and shakes his head no. "There you go, don't feel so bad about it."

You twist your body away from Eren to rest your arm on the back of the bench as he moves closer to sit with you. He looks you over, sees the dark circles under your eyes and your white hair, you truly look like someone in mourning. He reaches out and caresses your hair and kisses you softly on the cheek as you close your eyes and breathe in deep.

"I'm so fucking sorry baby..." he says quietly. "I'm fucking heartbroken, and I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for you; you were with them from the moment they were conceived. You were the one who carried them, cared for them..."

You nod and sniffle as you see them again laughing as screaming as they run hand in hand. You see a flash of their eyes and see their smiles as they wave at you both as they run past, headed for the jungle gym.

"Sometimes I feel something inside me Eren and I think it's them," you whimper sadly. "And when that happens, I have to remind myself than my womb's empty and not even viable. It's like how people who get body parts blown off and cut off say they can still feel their arms and legs. I keep feeling this flutter inside me and I think it's them but then I have to remind myself that it's just my body reacting to their loss. It's that horrible loss of something that should never be lost. It's an arm that's blown off... it's a missing puzzle piece, it's a completely unnatural occurrence Eren. A parent is never supposed to lose their child."