Stray Kids Drabbles

Look after you

Genre: Comfort/hurt 

Trigger warning: Anxiety, social anxiety, self-hatred, and insecurities.

Your boyfriend thinks the two of you should break up because he's not good enough, but you have other plans. 

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"I think we should break up."

Those words shattered your world. There was love in your eyes when you looked at Han Jisung. The moment he uttered those words, it blew out like a candlelight. A lump began to fill your throat and invisible icy fingers curled around your lungs.

"What do you mean?" You weakly got out.

The two of you were on opposite sides of the couch. Han had been off all day, but you had ignored it. When you tried to ask a few times about the strange avoidant behavior, he brushed you off and insisted it was nothing.

His sudden declaration blindsided you. It was a knife in your back. Flipping through the memories of the past few months, you weren't sure what went wrong. You couldn't think of anything that was different.

The two of you got along great. There had been a few mishaps here and there, but those had the potential to occur in every relationship. They were normal and they always smoothed over. Your life with Han seemed to be pretty good, so why now?

"I can't be with you anymore. I'm sorry, but I-I can't." He struggled to hold back his tears. He blinked rapidly trying to hide the glossy sheerness, but it was too late.

All day he had been fighting with himself about this situation. He didn't like the thought of breaking up with you, but he didn't know what else to do. How were you supposed to date someone when your own brain was against you?

When you were poisoned with self-hatred and your brain was on the verge of imploding, how could someone handle loving another? When you were lulled to sleep with whispers about how they were better than you in every way. When anxiety gnawed bits of brain and tunneled its way through intestines and created gut-wrenching stomach aches, it wasn't healthy in the slightest.

Your head spun with multiple questions. So many things were on the tip of your tongue. Despite the sudden betrayal, you managed to push out one. "Why?" Your own voice sounded like a stranger's, shrill and high-pitched.

"Because..." The lump in his throat was starting to expand. He sniffled as his nose began to run. The maroon fabric of his hoodie wiped across his eyes. "Because I'm not good enough for you."

The words were like a baseball bat to your heart. The spider-webbing of cracks began to inch across the surface. Your face fell as you took in Han's appearance.

He refused to meet your eyes and kept his gaze on the floor. The ends of his hoodie sleeves were curled and bunched up around his hands. He sniffled again and squirmed beneath your gaze.

"You're not good enough for me?"

He shook his head as a tear fell. "You-" His voice wobbled again. He had to clear his throat before he continued. "You deserve someone so much better than me. I can't compete with what you have."

"I don't think I understand what you mean."

"You're more beautiful than I'll ever be. You're smart and you're confident. You know what you want and you know what you're doing with all of this." He gestured around the room. "You know how to live and I don't."

"I-I just feel like I'm worthless. I'm always so anxious and worried all the time. You deserve someone who is confident and sure about themselves. You deserve someone who's smarter than me. Someone who is better and someone who isn't always so busy."