Something Greater (Something Great 2)

Chapter 75

Jen's POV

"Do you want a drink?" Mum lead me into the kitchen, pulling a diet coke out before I could even answer the question.

"Thanks mum," I laughed when she placed my favourite drink in front of me.

"What did you get up to today sweetheart?" She poured herself a glass of red, while I took a seat at the breakfast bar.

"Harry and I went to another class, we saw a labour video and got a lot of information on it. Then they had us do some tasks and I kind of shut down because I couldn't do them as easily as he could."

"Honey, it's not about who does things better, you can help each other out, you're a team now," she reached for my hand across the bench top.

"It's not even about him doing a better job mum," I started to tear up, letting my emotions get the better of me.

"Jenelle, what's the matter?" She ran to my side, pulling me into her.

"I don't know what I'm even doing, I'm no where near ready for this baby. What if I fail at it?" I sniffled, letting her take a seat next to me.

"Sweetheart, no one is a perfect mother from day one. Do you think I knew what I was doing the day you were born? Everyday you learn to be a better parent, it's normal to have some doubts."

"You were always a good mum though, you always had that motherly instinct, I don't have that. When I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't thrilled straight away, maybe that's an indication of how it's going to be."

"Jen, you have a whole team behind you that believe in you, I'll be there whenever you need me. Even I'm still learning how to better myself and be the mum you and your sister need.

You're my oldest, and this is my first grandchild, I've never had to give advice on pregnancy before, this is a learning experience for me too.

I haven't always been the best parent, I've had my moments as you two grew up, my decisions weren't always the right ones, but I think I did a pretty good job considering how you both turned out.

Don't let your insecurities stand in the way of doing the best job you can. We will always doubt ourselves with something, but never let the fear of failing stop you from trying."

"But what if my best isn't good enough mum?"

I tried to listen to her, and I tried to believe everything she was saying, but I didn't seem to have as much faith in myself that everyone else had.

"It will be, you'll see when you hold your beautiful little baby for the first time, all that doubt will go. You'll never be more in love with another human than your own children.

What are you so afraid of?"

I didn't even know what I was so afraid of. Just the concept of having another human being rely so heavily on me scared me I guess. I'd never had someone need me so much, it just kind of intimidated me that I was now going to be someone's dependant.

That amongst the fact I was so scared of failing that Harry would leave me, also played at the back of my mind. What if I wasn't the woman he thought I was? What if I didn't live up to his expectation? Would he still love me in the end?

"I'm just afraid of change I guess. My whole life is going to change, and I don't know how well I'm going to adjust to it. I just want to do a good job mum, I want to make everyone proud, I want to make Harry proud to call me his.

What if he realises I'm not the woman he thought I was, and finds someone better? His parents kind of fell apart once they had kids, what if that happens to us?"