all too well // august horn av årnäs x reader

24

his body tensed up immediately.
"...wilhelm?" he asked.

"yeah."

"what... what were you doing with wilhelm?"

"i was just trying to make him feel better." i replied honestly.

"you went to comfort HIM?"
august's voice got slightly louder.

"...yeah, i- i guess- we went out to eat. he's my friend."

"and what am i? do i not matter to you as much as he does?"
he responded. i knew his heart was probably aching.

"you do august." i reassured him.

"then why are you going and comforting WILHELM and not me?"
"you- you know erik was like a brother to me."

that stung.

"i know, august."
i breathed out trying to gather my thoughts.
"jag är ledsen." (i'm sorry) i said, trying not to butcher the pronunciation of the phrase.

his face softened slightly at the swedish.

"i know it's been painful for the both of you. i just- i saw him by himself and i couldn't help myself. i know what it's like to go through something like that alone."
i continued.

"but we only went out to eat, i promise."

"jag vill bege mig. i- i want to leave."
(i want to go)

he got up from my bed and headed to the window.
he muttered "sov gott" (sleep well) and went out of it, shutting it close.

i stared at his figure get farther and farther away.

god.

why does this always happen?

i swear since i met august we've never been on good terms for a long time. there's always drama getting in between us.

"wait so he just left?" maddy asked.

we were in the girl's common room sitting down the following afternoon and playing chess. felice and sara were to the right of the room, watching something on t.v. it was sunday, so none of us had a lot of responsibilities. i'd accidentally mentioned what something happened between august and i and then maddy started a questionnaire. 
i hadn't spoken to him since the day before. i didn't want to upset him further, so i was letting him have his time.

"yeah, he said 'sleep well' though. so i don't know." i replied.

"i mean at least he likes you no?"

"he does. i feel bad though."

"why? do you like wilhelm?"

i felt felice quietly turn around to look at me and see what i'd say. i knew she had a thing for wille. but she didn't know what i knew, which was his heart already belonged to simon.

"no. i've always liked august"

"then why feel bad? did something happen?"

"no."

"what the fuck is august so mad about then?"

"i don't know."
i did know.
but his feelings were not anyone's business other than his, so i was not going to tell maddy.

"maybe he just thinks it's weird."

"yeah."

"i mean they're practically family."

i nodded.

"what do you even see in august though?" she asked me.

i wasn't expecting the question.

i shrugged.
"what do you mean?"

"yeah, why do you like him? i feel like girls find him hot- but not like a 'dating' type of guy."

"...i- i think he's nice. there's more to him than what people see."

"you're saying he has like a hidden depth to him?"

"everyone does."

"i thought he was just the embodiment of sports, money, and being narcissistic."

i laughed slightly at her description but shook my head.
"he's more than that."

sara chimed in on the conversation.
"are you sure?" she chuckled.
"i saw his instagram, he is just half naked in every picture."

"so are half of us." i replied.

"yeah, but when we do it it's for cute outfits, when he does it is to show off his muscles." felice said.

"i still like him."

"do you think you'll marry him?" she asked.

"i don't know. we're too young." i responded.

"i know i want to marry wilhelm."

i fought the urge to scrunch up my nose at felice saying this.
"i think we're too small to fully know." i settled on saying back.

"yeah, i don't even know what i want to study at university yet." maddy replied.