【 ●○•°𝒜𝓈 𝐼'𝓂 𝒮𝓊𝒻𝒻𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 °•○●】

Dear Diary....

xx/x/xxxx

Dear Diary...

Well, this is not really my diary, but my hero analysis notebook, but I really feel like writing and sharing my thoughts on something lol.

I wanted to write because I am finding it really hard for me to tell anyone, not even my close friends, teachers or my mum, so instead I'm going to vent on here.

Lately, I haven't been feeling like myself...not that this specific feeling is new though. Though,I don't get why I feel like this?....last time I felt this shitty about myself was  back in middle school, were I used to get bullied every single day for being quirkless, so why? I finally have a quirk now!? And I finally have some friends! Kacchan is not bullying me anymore and is acting way more nicer to me so.....I don't get it?....

Now thinking about it....I started feeling like this ever since I lost against Kacchan about a month-or was it 2 months ago? I don't remember at this point....

It's like something triggered to me after that, but I don't know how to explain it exactly.

Pathetic am I? Can't even express my own feelings....

Soon later, I started having this voice in my head telling me all this negative stuff about me.

Constantly reminding me of how useless and worthless I am. Constantly telling me that I'm a pathetic excuse for a human and waste of space. That All Might should've chosen somebody else as his successor not me. That I should kill myself.

I wonder....is that voice that tell's me all that stuff......is just me speaking to myself?......

Speaking of how All Might should've chosen someone else as his successor.... I haven't been showing up to his training sessions lately, neither am I really putting any effort to train by myself.... I dunno how he's putting up to me....how he's not angry. He is concerned though, as he specified last time I called him.

My friends and classmates, actually everybody has been asking me if I'm fine every single day. I appreciate them worrying about someone as worthless as me, but at the same time I wish they'd stop nagging me....

I know that it might seem selfish, but it's just really no use asking me that all the time, when you know that I'm just gonna give you the same answer every time you ask. " I'm fine ".

I've also recently relapsed again. I promised myself not to cut myself and to get better because I didn't wanna worry my mother. Even though she never found out about me cutting, she was always so worried about me and knew that something was wrong....but I guess i broke my promise to myself.

Now, my wrists are filled with self-inflicted wounds again. Not that, i didn't have any long-lasting scars in the first place from the time were I used to cut myself in middle school...those scars eventually turned white and didn't go away.

I used to tell everyone that those scars were from my quirk and training, but if I tell them that now ( if anyone somehow noticed my cuts and scars), I doubt that they will believe me, since I have way more and they just look like they're self-inflicted.

Anyways....earlier today I accidentally snapped in front of the whole class again and then I stormed off and went to my dorm room.

I then started to have a panic attack and I.....I cut myself again....

A few minutes later, I hear a knock on the door and I rushed to clean up the mess and opened the door to find Uraraka waiting for me, worried.

I couldn't really hold back my tears from escaping me. Even if I did try to hold them back, it was plain obvious that I was crying. I mean, my face felt sticky from the tear marks, and tears running down my face. My sight was blurry from the crying. My eyes were hurting because I rubbed them to hard. It was obvious.

I remember, my mind feeling blank and I just wanted someone at that moment. I couldn't express how I was feeling with my words, but my body language showed otherwise.

I went and hugged Uraraka san.

The hug felt warm... I was crying on her shoulders as she tried to console me by rubbing circles on my back.

As soon as we let go, I realize how embarrassing that was.....

We talked for a bit more ( I think she was trying to cheer me up ) and then she said that she had to leave to go back to class because she was already late as she is.

I still can't believe how she was worried about me.....of all people...... and she even had to skip the first few minutes of class? Because of me?.....

After a few more hours, my headache kicked in again and it was nagging me. So, I went to the kitchen so I can pour me a glass of water and pop a pill into my mouth.

Suddenly, I heard commotion near me. It was my classmates. They came back from their lessons.

I didn't wanna approach them after what happened so i tried to tip-toe my way to my dorm room, quietly.

Though, Uraraka was already behind me. This time, it really concerned me because she told me that she wanted to speak with me alone and by the looks of it, it seemed serious.

As we were walking to her dorm, I noticed something on my sleeve.

It was blood. Blood from, what I presume to be from the cutting earlier.

I froze in my place and I got really nervous.

I hid my hand behind my back and walked in her dorm, which she finally opened, as it was kind of jammed.

We went to her balcony and then she told me that she had noticed a red stain on her sleeve and asked me if I had accidentally injured myself, as she didn't have any injuries on her arm.

When she said that, a sickly feeling came to my stomach. It churned. I felt like throwing up right then and there.

I made up a whole lie about how I was sleepwalking and I accidentally walked in my desk, which had a flower vase on it and it dropped. And when I realised, and I went to try and pick up the shards, I accidentally fell and my arm fell onto the glass shards.

She didn't seem a 100 percent convinced though, as she was giving me a sort of look.

With that, I didn't wanna continue talking any further, since I didn't wanna accidentally get too personal and made up another lie on how I have still hw to finish.

She wanted to say something else, but I told her to save it for later.

I feel bad.... I shouldn't be treating my friend that way.....I'm a horrible person.

Each and every passing day, my will to live is becoming dimmer and dimmer.

I wonder how long I'll last?

A part of me says, though, that I don't have much time left..........