Another High School Romance

ten

"Morning Taylor!" Ally - the barista at my regular cafe - grinned at me when I walked in on Monday morning. "Usual?"

"Please." I sighed, taking out my card as she put it through. 

"There's a guy here I think might be waiting for you." Ally told me once I'd paid. "He's been asking about you, picking up your order a couple times a week. You know him?"

"What?" I turned around to see Travis sitting at a table against the wall. I'd walked right past him when I'd come in and hadn't even noticed. He was already looking at me and lifted his hand off the table a fraction in a small wave as I went over. "You're waiting for me?" I asked as I sat down across from him.

"Well, only a little. This is my regular place too, I just happened to come by at the time I know you usually do." Travis shrugged. "I wanted to see if you were okay after the weekend. It couldn't have been easy."

"No, it wasn't." I sighed. "But I'm doing okay. The doctors have a plan, and they sound pretty confident." I'd insisted I wanted to talk to them about it, and they'd gone over everything with me on Saturday. "We're just taking it as it comes." Travis nodded, moving his hand towards me like he was going to rest it on top of mine. But then he paused, obviously second guessing himself. I knew it was too much to allow, but I was miserable and in need of comfort. "It's okay." I murmured.

Travis' eyes met mine, searching for a long moment. I pressed my lips together, slowly turning my hand over on the small table so my palm rested up. Our gazes were locked on each other as he slowly placed his hand into mine, fingertips brushing my wrist. We didn't move further, not properly holding hands, just resting there. It was a fine line, and we teetered precariously but didn't fall one way or the other.

"Taylor we're not just friends." Travis said quietly a few moments later. 

"I know." I whispered. "I'm sorry." I felt awful for all of my mixed signals, but it was all I could manage at the moment. Travis shook his head.

"Don't apologize, it's not such a bad thing." He told me. "I'm just confused as to what you think we are. You said we could be friends while we got to know each other, but you let us act like a couple for a while, and then you tell me you're not ready for a relationship, but now you want me to hold your hand?" He made it sound so awful and I looked down, embarrassed. "Just tell me if this can ever be something." Travis whispered. "I don't need you to say yes now, just tell me you'll say yes eventually. We can do this as long as you need." His fingers stroked my wrist gently. "I'm okay with just this as long as I know you'll be ready for more one day."

I let my eyes meet his again, a little surprised. He was really giving me a lot here. He was telling me we could stay in this half couple but not dating friends dynamic as long as I could tell him one day it could be more. That was so much more than I deserved, so much more. But the look in his eyes told me he'd thought this through, that he meant it. For whatever reason, he was willing to wait for me, to give me only what I could handle at the moment. 

"Travis are you sure?" I asked anyway. This could get complicated. He nodded, and I swallowed nervously. "That's so much more than I deserve."

"It's exactly what you deserve." Travis said right away. "Taylor, you've got a lot going on right now. I understand why you're not ready. But there's something here, and I won't let it go unless you ask me to. I don't know about you, but I don't get this feeling a lot."

"Okay." I managed a small smile, and he returned it. "Travis, if that's what you're okay with, then I promise I'll be ready one day."

Travis didn't say anything, but his expression softened further, and the way he looked at me took my breath away. It gave me confidence that he meant it too, that he would wait for me. No one had ever looked at me the way he was looking at me now. I ached for his hand to lift, to touch my cheek, or for him to run his thumb over my lips, or even kiss me again, but I knew I didn't have the right to ask him to do that. Not yet.