Love Redefined

Chapter 30

Godt was lost in his thoughts while the wedding stylist fix his tuxedo and makeup thinking about how he will be tight to Tee officially in less than 15 minutes. He couldn't decipher his own feelings this very moment. From the day he knew about the accident Copter was facing, Tee had been acting normally with him, just like nothing happen. Or, should he said Tee had been so happy, for reason he didn't want to think it was.

He tried to ask Tee a few times about what he had done, but Tee had always brushed it off, saying there was nothing wrong with what he did, in anything. When he mentioning Copter's name, Tee would throwing tantrum and telling him that that guy's was no more, and to makes him promise not to mention that name ever again.

When he heard it the first time, he could felt his heart drop. 'Copter was no more?' He didn't know how to react to that, what to say and what to do. The fact that Copter was dead giving him so much blow but Tee was just saying in a very casually way makes him shocked, and most of it, afraid. Was someone's life bare no means to him as long as he had what he wants? He hold his heart trying to suppressed the pressure he felt, the tears from flowing down, and the memories of Copter came rushing.

If only he didn't met with Copter and brought him into his life, Copter might still living his life. Even though it will be hard, but at least he was alive and living. If only he could turn back the time and realize earlier about his feelings for Tee, instead of dragging Copter in the middle. If only......he was thinking all about the 'if only', but he knew it was all just an excuse to try to suppress all the regret he had. All the things that happened because of him and Tee. All the people he hurt just because he choose his own happiness over something that was right to do. Wasn't all the lovers in the world are selfish? So he wanted to be selfish too. But then, when it cause someone else's life, does it worth it? He couldn't even giving chance to visit, though he knew he was scared to be there even if given the chance. And he also couldn't bring himself to call Tae, knowing much that Tae will never in this life will forgive him ever.

And he was afraid too. What if Tee resort to anything dangerous again if he insists to go there visit? What if Tee trying to blame someone else if he ever going there that ends up someone else's life been taken again? Will it stop? Will Tee stop? Godt didn't know and that makes him afraid.

And because he was afraid Tee would do something else, Godt complied, even though he knew this was all wrong, so wrong.

Days come and goes just like that. Tee been Tee, and Godt couldn't do anything else but to just stay home and did everything according to Tee's words. Slowly, his soul scarred with that guilty feelings which swelling each day he saw Tee smiling and happily, hugging him, kissing him, making love with him. Godt had been losing himself gradually, and Tee doesn't care about it.The fact that Tee didn't care about it making he feels worse. Or, is Tee even care about him?

Godt had been feeling guilty about everything, but Tee doesn't care about it. Godt had been afraid of how Tee had been behaving, sometimes he could be sweet, sometimes he could be dangerous, and most of the times he was just being mysterious, with his straight but serious face. Godt had been confused and scared, too. He loves Tee and he knew Tee loves him too, but he wasn't sure their loves definition were on the same page.

He was out of his own thoughts when the stylist nudged him on his shoulder, telling him it's time. With a long inhaled air, he tried to calm himself down, and fix his own expression before making his way to the door of the hall, when he knew Tee was waiting for him.

Slowly, he opened the door and right away met with Tee's eyes who never look away from the door. He is just like that, and Godt was smiling looking back at him, coming closer to him taking his hand in his hold, walking side by side at the altar.