Trouble in Paradise | Yeongyu

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Yeonjun was staring at a picture.

"What is this?" It was a blob of shapes and colors.

"What do you see?" She asked.

"Shit on a piece of paper."

Dr. Ahn laughed lightly. "That's one way to look at it." She showed another picture. It was black and there were more blobs on it. "Now?"

Yeonjun sighed and stared at it.

"...I don't see anything or the point of this."

"You do see something."

He balled it up and threw it. "Why do you keep coming here?" He snapped at her. "Why won't you leave me alone?"

"Yeonjun every time you yell at me you start crying." She sat her clipboard down. "You're only hurting yourself and you know that, your body knows that and that's why it keeps reacting this way."

He covered his ears. "Just shut up! Do you ever stop talking?" His shoulders started to shake again. "Just stop telling me that, stop it."

"Yeonjun?"

"Why is this happening?" He whispered, his eyes closed but tears still slip through his closed eyelids. "Why are you doing this?"

The doctor just watched as Yeonjun tried to calm himself down, the way a child might cover his ears and close his eyes in a way to shield themselves to what's going on around them. Soon, he stopped speaking all together but kept his ears covered.

She was shut out once more and instead of leaving she stayed until he opened his eyes again.

He looked at her and then looked away. A look of embarrassment played along with shame on his face. She noticed and took a mental note on it.

"People don't realize that your mind is a powerful factor in health. Yes, of course your body needs its check ups but so does your head. A mental war is something that spreads all through you which is why you ended up here. This mental battle you are fighting with yourself...you are losing because you refuse to acknowledge it. You have to give yourself permission to hurt and then you have to address your pain because it'll only hurt more."

Yeonjun looked at the business cards that he had threw away and then looked at his hands, staring at the ring still on his finger.

"Can I...have another one?"

She smiled and handed him her card. "I know you get discharged later today. I hope to see you again soon when you're ready." She stood up and took a deep, respectful bow before leaving.

Yeonjun stared at the card and ran his fingers through his hair, millions of thoughts running through his mind.

...

"Call me after okay?" Soobin said over the phone.

"I will." Yeonjun said as he approached the office. "Um...how is he?"

"He's getting there just like you."

"Do you think-"

"It doesn't matter what I think. What matters is that you get better...for the both of you."

Yeonjun bit his lip a little and nodded. "Right, thank you Soobin."

"You're welcome." They hung up and Yeonjun went inside and to the front desk.

"I'm...here to see Dr. Ahn."

"Ah, Mr. Choi Yeonjun. She cleared her schedule for you. She's down the hall, last door on the right."

"Thanks." He walked down the hall and it felt like it kept getting longer.

His heart was racing and he was having doubts. Soon he was standing in front of her door but didn't knock or open it. He just stood there. He paced back and forth battling with himself again.

"I have to do this." He whispered. "I have to get better for Beomgyu." He repeated it over and over again, but he couldn't bring himself to knock. "This was a mistake." He took a step back.

"I'm not going to open the door!" Dr. Ahn called from the other side making Yeonjun jump a little. "You have to want this for yourself!"

"Myself?" He muttered.

"That little kid inside you keep trying to protect, you're only hurting him."

His eyebrows furrowed and after a few more minutes the door slowly opened and he stepped inside.

"Good job Yeonjun. You just took the first big step towards healing."

They sat down and got started.

"What do you want out of this?"

"My husband." He answered almost immediately. "Beomgyu he...he left me. He wants a divorce and I think I finally ruined everything."

"Divorce? What happened to cause this?"

"It was all my fault." He rubbed his head. "I never listened, all he wanted was for me to let him in but I just couldn't. I couldn't do it, not even for him."

"Why?"

"...because I'm afraid."

"Of losing him?"

"Of becoming like my parents."

She slowly nodded.

"Tell me more."

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

He's started therapy 🎉🎊👏
Let's clap for Yeonjun