Burning Hearts

109. 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭

Chapter-109

Shiva's POV

I would give up anything and everything just to see her again, to hold her in my arms and kiss her like there is no tomorrow.

Each day without her is brutal. There is no way I can win this battle. I am not like this. I was not like this. But I feel tired and...and lost.

I just want her. I don't know what to do.

Her grandparents are crying every day. I cannot even cry in front of them. I have to be strong! But I'm not. I am not strong and I don't want to act like I'm strong.

But I'm left with no choice.

The forest area stretches around 868km². I regret taking her there in the first place. What I would do to bring her back?

Why cannot she call me or contact me? If she wants to stay away, she can. I promise I will never disturb her if that's what she wants. Why can't she tell me that she doesn't want to see me again?

As difficult as it is, I will stay far, far away from her.

"Tell me Paaru, I just need to hear your voice again" I have stopped counting. Ever since she left, all I'm doing is talking to all the things she held close.

Like the toe rings that are on my neck like a pendant with the chain that she gave me to keep it safe. I keep her engagement ring and her Mangalsutra in my pocket. It makes me feel that she is closer to me.

Sometimes I feel this sudden pain inside of my chest. I feel like my lungs are on fire and my heart is bleeding. I feel it all day but this pain is unusual.

I felt it before I found Paaru in Anandavan. I felt it when she started crying in my arms after sending me a lengthy message regarding marriage and Manav's custody. I felt it when she slept in another room after our argument. I felt it when the branch of that tree fell out of nowhere.

And my sick heart thinks that Paaru is crying remembering me. Will she cry for me? Of course. I cannot think otherwise. It hurts to think that she doesn't give a damn about me.

Even if she doesn't cry, It's okay. I don't like when she cries. At first, I didn't want her to cry over others. Now, I don't want her to cry even for me. Maybe this is what they call love.

I never believed in such things. Oh, I considered them bullshit. But now...

People, my men are giving me pitiful stares. Every time they catch me clasping the mangalsutra, caressing the toe ring or clutching the chain that she has given me, they look at me with pitiful eyes. I don't give a shit.

Everyone should know who owns me. The whole world should know that Shiva is Parul Yadav's husband. And Shiva belongs to her and only her.

Even if she leaves, these things will remain with me.

The world should know that Shiva will never allow another woman in his life. It will always be Paaru. If there's no Paaru, then consider Shiva as dead.

They should also know that Paaru owns me.

The toe rings with her chain around my neck suggest her ownership over me.

I keep my sanity by holding these things close to me. If not, I might end up in the streets. God knows.

There is a Pooja tomorrow at Shiva temple. My mom believes that everything would work out right after doing this pooja. I hope so.

The pandit said something along the lines like, if he sits for the havan without eating anything, then it'll have more impact.

I overheard him saying this to my mom.