Head Over Heels In Fake

Kingston and Chole

Fours days and three hours. That's how long its been since I found out about Carter. Right now, I'm lying in bed, staring at the white ceiling and letting the endless flow of tears continue running down my face. Slowly I roll over and check my phone. Twenty three text messages. All from people I hardly talk to asking whether its true. The people I truly call my friends were notified by me on a short, sad phone call. Masie let out a high pitched scream and cried with me. Rachel nearly hyperventilated. Ned hung up straight away only o phone me back ten minutes later, his low voice hoarse from either screaming of sobbing. Kingston's reaction scared me. When I told him, he was quiet. Silent. At one point I had to check to see if we were still connected. Then he said "But he can't be."

Kingston's voice was unnaturally low.

"I know" I whispered before I heard to line go dead. I knew for a fact Kingston would not call me back. He's that kind of guy. Mysterious but in a good way.

Everyone else wants to know what happened to Carter. Out of interest, I press on one of the texts, one from Kelly Waters, a girls who I have probably talked to twice in my whole life and who is notorious for gossiping.

Kelly: Is it true?

Kelly: That Carters dead

Kelly:Answer me Jessie

Kelly: I just want to know so we can talk about it.

And that's all. I stare at the digital words before the phone bings quietly again. A text from Kelly

Kelly:I can see you have read my texts. Talk to me.

So I do.

Me:Piss off you noisy cow

Then the delivered sign turns to read and the conversation goes silent.

I smile softly to myself then there is a quiet knock on the door.

My head lifts and my elbows prop me up. "Come in" I whisper and Meg opens the door a tiny bit, letting light slither into the dark room.

"Someones here to see you" she says before stepping aside.

Kingston's extremely tanned skin appears in the crack of the door.

"God you look a mess" He whispers when he sees me and a smile slightly. He is, of course remarking at my hair which is piled into a messy bun and wearing Carters Tee-shirt which comes to the middle of my thighs.

"Come in King" I say and Kingston does. He sits down on the bed next to me and puts an arm around my shoulder.

My eyes move across his face. His dark eyes and handsome features. Yeah, he's good looking but he's not Carter and he never will be.

I would start crying again but the tears are already falling and I rub them away.

"Movie?" Kingston asks pulling my laptop from the foot of my bed and turning it on.

"yeah alright"

Kingston smiles and types in "Despicable me"

"This is my favourite film." He explains "It makes me laugh every time"

I nod, not saying anything and curl into Kingston's chest and into the bundle of pillows that surrounds me.
The movie is funny. I don't laugh though. Neither does Kingston. At one point, I glance up to see wet tear tracks falling across his handsome face. Without looking down at me, Kingston rubs them away like he knows I have seen them.
Right in that moment I know I'm being selfish. Yeah, I have lost a boyfriend but Kingston has lost a best friend. They have know each other since the age of four. That's twelve years of being best friends. And now Carters gone. Forever.
Kingston's arm is wrapped around my shoulders for the whole film. His fingers stroke my shoulder.
When the movie ends, I show Kingston the many texts I have been receiving and together we come up with sour ways to reply. None of these people even knew Carter. Yet hey say they 'miss him'.
None of these people have spoken to me in months yet they are 'worried about me'.
Maybe they genuinely do miss him. Maybe they are genuinely worried about me but a text doesn't cut it.
"Do you know when the funeral is?" Kingston asks and I shake my head.
"I'm meeting Carters mum tomorrow so I'm going to ask then."
Then I break down again. The thought of him lying stone cold in a wooden box kills me. The thought of him never feeling again breaks me.
Kingston leaves at noon and I spend the rest of the day in the garden. The fist time I've gone outside since everything happened.

The next day comes to quickly and again I'm staring at the ceiling. Four days and five hours.
I pull myself into the hot shower and wash my knotted hair before straightening it and pulling it into a high ponytail.
My fingers skim through the wardrobe before pulling out a tight, grey knee length dress and pulling that over my body.
My ribs are now extremely prominent  through my pale skin. I have hardly eaten anything since everything. A yogurt and a plate of toast have made it al the way through. I sicked up three strawberries two chocolate bars and a curry.
" Not good. Not good at all" I mutter looking down at my too skinny body. "Before I leave I'm eating a slice of cake and I will make it stay down there" I finish firmly before walking downstairs and doing just that.

Mum gives me a lift into town and says she will be back at one to pick me up which give me two hours to talk to Chloe. I find her in Costa as planned.
When she sees me she smiles a weak, breakable smile. Her thin lips are forced upwards in an ugly manner and the bags under her eyes stand out against her sickly grey skin.
I hug her tightly before we sit down opposite each other.
"Three days" Chloe says. "That's when we are having the funeral. And I want you to speak. I have already asked Ned and Kingston and I want you as well"
I nod. "Of course. What pictures do you have of Carter?"
"A few nice ones. I couldn't find many he would approve of."
My fingers fumble for my phone inside my handbag and when I find it I flick through the picture until I find the one I love.
The picture is the one I took by accident. We are both looking into each other's eyes and its beautiful.
"How about this one as well?" I ask, sliding the phone to Chloe who gasps and places the tips of her fingers to her mouth. Tears fill up her eyes.
"I love it so much" she whispers.
I smile sadly before texting the picture to her.
"It's my fault" I say quietly. "He was coming to see me. The police told me he had cards and things for me becasue I called him about a stupid nightmare. If I just didn't call him. We could be siting here with him"
Chloe closes her eyes before shaking her head slightly.
"If your looking at it at way, it's my fault because I didn't stop him going out. I encouraged him and if I didn't he would be sitting here right now. But it's not my fault and it's not yours. The only persons who's fault this is is the person who hit him. Death by dangerous driving. That's the verdict."
We spend the rest of the coffee morning talking and crying quietly in order to not draw attention to ourselves. It was nice but horrible and it was worth doing.
"I'll see you at the funeral. Your whole family is invited"
"Thank you Chloe. For letting him live. For letting me love him"
I hug Chloe tightly  before walking around the corner to where mums car waits.
I feel the morning has helped me move that baby step closer to recovery.