Tongue Kiss the Chocolate off my Stomach

Clio

I shiver. "Mama.... Mama..." I say, tugging a blanket around me. A bright light stares me in my face. "Am I dead?" Where's God? Shouldn't I go to hell? I committed suicide. I start to shake--hard.

There's a soft whispering noise I can't hear. Somebody's hand touches my arm. "Clio, baby, you're okay. You'll be fine...."

Fine? What's fine?

Is fine being okay on the inside? Not dead? What the fuck is fine? Because I'm alive and breathing. But I'm not fine. "I did somethin' bad... Mama... really bad..." Where's Jace? I need him. I need him to come closer. And go away.

I want this damn hurt to go away. 

"No, no, you were upset. It's okay." She starts crying. 

Dammit, Clio. My head is going crazy right now. I can't think straight. I need somebody. 

"I want my daddy," I whine, trying to look away from the light.

"Your dad?"

I nod. "Yes. My daddy." And then I close my eyes again.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Of all the people I could've called, I called him. My dad. Someone who I just met. Someone who would sell my soul to the devil to make a quick buck. But, for some reason, he's the only one I want to talk to. The only one I need to talk to.

He comes into the room, head dipped, dressed in all black. He looks different. Tired. Worried. He lacks that cocky, scary smirk, and instead has an expression like his world is about to fall apart. I manage a tired smile. "You dressin' like you're 'bout to attend a funeral," I joke, attempting to stand. I'm not hurting. Just tired. I guess that's what happens when you OD on pain medicine.

His head snaps up, and he looks at me. "Baby girl?" He sits on the edge of my bed, brushing my hair back, his lips turning up at the corner. "Your mama said for me to come see you before you di--" He stops, mid-sentence.

I'm going to die?

He shakes his head immediately. "No, you're not gonna die. Not if I got a damn thing to do with it." He looks determined. So does Mama in the corner of the room. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

I smile weakly. "Ain't it funny? When I was tryna kill myself, I didn't care about dyin'. Now that it's actually here, I'm about to go into panic mode. Ain't that teen angst for ya?"

He sighs. "Don't talk like that, Clio. You ain't goin' nowhere."

"But, Daddy, I was bad," I protest. 

He smiles then. "Don't you know? The bad ones die last. It's the ones like ya mama that pass on quick." 

I grin. "Well, then we're both gonna be around for a while, old man, so we better get used to each other, huh?"

A phone rings. Mama looks at her cell-phone, and then tosses it to the side, watching me. I wave her off. "Go answer it--you need a minute."

She looks concerned but gets up.

I look at my daddy, feeling the need to get this off my chest. "When I was twelve years old I met this guy--he was eighteen at the time. He told me he loved me. His name was Trey." Out of breath, I pause. "He didn't have a dad either. So I trusted him. I loved him. I knew it was weird he loved me so young, but he was a guy that didn't treat me like a little sister. Or a father figure. He treated me like the young lady I wanted to be treated like. So I snuck off to be with him. I lied to Mama.

"One night, I snuck off. We drove all night to the beach. Got there as the sun was risin'. He told me had a surprise for me.

"He started to rape me. He pulled me down an' would've went far with me. Except, except I stabbed him. In the chest. He had brought me to this secluded area, an' nobody could hear me screamin'. On my thirteenth birthday, I stabbed him." I take another deep breath, trembling, remembering. "So I took off. He was bleedin'. I thought he was dead, Dad." My voice rises.

He wraps an arm around my shoulder. "Shhh, it's okay. It's okay."

I had to finish my story, though. "So I buried the knife about a mile down the road from the beach. An' I  ran to this store an' told them that I had saw a dead body. An' I didn't know where I was. I said someone had taken me. I protected him, Daddy. I didn't tell anybody what he did.

"An' he's still alive. You left me with him once. Two years ago, remember? You left me there with him. And he didn't even remember me. An' I'm scared that Jace is gonna do that to me. He's gonna leave me. Because girls don't matter to guys."

He shakes his head. "Clio, girls matter. You matter to guys."

I glare at him. "Which is why you left me, right? Because I matter so damn much you'd give me up for drugs. Which is why Trey doesn't remember me; Because I wouldn't give up. Which is why Jace will eventually leave me, too; because I don't matter! He says he loves me now, but what about in two weeks? Two years? He isn't gonna wanna be with me."

Dad looks stricken. "Who told you I gave you up for drugs?" He shakes his head. "No, no, Clio. You're way more valuable than all the drugs in the world, do you understand me? Not once did I give you up for drugs. Clio, this is sick, but I forgot. You can only have so much weed an' alcohol in your body before you end up doin' somethin' you regret. And God knows I regret not bein' there for you. I wasn't there for you because I didn't like you--I love you, baby girl. Your mom wouldn't let me around you."

I can understand why. I wipe the tears from my eyes. At least he cared. "So one guy out of a billion loves me."

"No, Clio. Two guys out a billion love you," Vic says, sticking his head in the door.

My heart thumps unevenly in my chest.

"Three guys," Dahntay adds, grinning. 

"Make that four," Jace says, coming in with a huge teddy bear.