wild [h.s./hariana]

forty nine

Ariana

When my eyes flicker open, I notice Chelsea is sat on the edge of my bed, holding a glass of water and a concerned expression.

"Thank god you're awake!" Chelsea exclaims, reaching forward and pulling me in for a quick hug. I sit there in surprise as she wraps her arms around me.

"Careful, you're going to spill the water." I tell her with a laugh and she pulls away, handing me the glass instead and I take a few sips. "Thank you."

"So, what the hell happened last night?" Chelsea asks me with wide eyes. "Because I was having a good night and then Zach shows up at my door with you falling over and staring at something in the sky."

"I had a.....um, I had a bad trip." I say, pushing my hair back. I try to add in a small chuckle to lighten the mood but Chelsea doesn't look impressed.

"Look, I understand that over the past few months you've been making a lot of changes. Changing how you look, what you wear, how you act." Chelsea tells me. "You've been feeling really down and depressed or whatever ever since Harry-"

"No, it's not because of that." I protest and Chelsea rolls her eyes.

"Yes it is. You've been doing more dangerous jobs, stuff you know is going to get you into trouble and now even doing drugs? I seriously think you're going crazy!"

"Chelsea, just relax. It's fine." I assure her. "I didn't take the drug by choice. Zach, being the asshole he is, got involved in a dodgy drug deal and they wouldn't let us leave until we proved our loyalty. So I just did it. I didn't want to be stuck in that grimy basement with a gun pointed at me."

"Fine. You can pin that all on Zach but what are you going to do when you do something really bad for real?" Chelsea asks and I raise my eyebrows. "I know Harry broke your heart but-"

"He didn't break anything of mine." I tell her. "I don't break that easy."

"Oh really? Because from where I've been standing for the past few months, you've been falling apart." Chelsea snaps. She bites her lip before giving me a sympathetic look, changing her tone to a softer one and reaching for my hand. "Look, I'm sorry. But I'm worried about you. And I have been for a while now. You're my best friend and I hate to see you hurting like this. I know I don't know what exactly went on between you and Har- I mean, him. But I still really care about you."

I bite my lip as she talks, wondering what on earth to do. Maybe I should just really fall apart, collapse into a mess of tears and spill my heart out. That's what I've been wanting to do for a while.

But I decide not to. I haven't rebuilt this wall around myself just to let it fall down again so easily.

So I just squeeze Chelsea's hand and give her a smile. "You know I love you, Chels. And I know you're really concerned but you don't need to be. I'm fine. Really."

She gives me another unimpressed look as I slide out of bed and grab my towel from the radiator. "Where are you going?"

"For a shower." I tell her with a small laugh, turning around. "You need to stop worrying about me so much."

"Maybe I'll stop worrying when you stop giving me things to worry about." Chelsea says, getting off my bed. When I don't reply, she just sighs and then walks out of my room.

I grab some clothes to wear, all black as usual, and then head into the bathroom for my shower. I try to wash as fast as I can because being in the shower always makes me overthink things, and I really don't want to think about anything at all right now. Once I'm out of the shower, I dry myself and pull on my clothes. I brush my teeth and my hair and then put on a full face of makeup, the much darker look I've been applying lately.