Remember When...(TM,DLG)•CTE fanfiction•

Chapter 20: Back and Forth

*Amber*

My eyes open as everyone is surrounding me. Brandon is helping me up, but I just pull away.
"I'm okay," I mutter, and Brent just looks at me, in confusion. I noticed that I wasn't outside. I was laying on the couch, so I sat up. I run my fingers through my hair to remember everything.
"What happened?" Brandon asked, and I didn't feel like answering to him. He pulled my chin, and I just aggressively turn away, and I took a deep breath.
"Amber," I hear Hayden call, "why are you being so stubborn today?" I wasn't being stubborn. I was keeping my distance.
"How many times do I have apologize?" Brandon snapped, and I just look down.
"Ben, can you join me to get a Monster?" I ask, looking up to him. He nods, and I just need to stay my distance. He acts like it's just nothing and we can move on. I threw myself at him purposely, and I was rejected.
We were walking down the block, and it was plain silent. There was a cold breeze hitting my face.
"Are you cold?" Ben asks, and I nod. He takes off his sweater.
"No. It's okay," I say before he hands it to me. I love the cold. It helps me get numb and take my mind off things.
"Amber, you're going to freeze," Ben insisted, but I shook my head.
"I would love to," I say, giving the wrong impression.
"Are we back to this?" he snapped, and I sighed. The puff of smoke faded into the air.
"That's not what I meant," I murmured, and he just stayed silent.
"What's so bad that makes you think this way?" he continues.
"That's not what I meant-"
"Is it Brandon moving on from you?!" Ben hit the spot, and I wasn't going to be nice.
"That's not what I meant!" I scream. We stopped and looked at each other, and I just shake my head and continued walking. I wasn't going to apologize. He hit something that is not worth talking about, and of course, I'm going to get defensive.
"That's it. You still have feelings for him," Ben started catching up. I just looked at the floor, and I stayed standing still.
"Totally," I say sarcastically, and I continued walking.
"Amber, stop denying it," Ben says, and I look at him with a glare.
"I don't feel like accepting it either," I growled, and he just stares at him.
"Amber, it's going to break you. Why can't you be happy with Andy?" he asks. My breath is taking away, and I feel my chest tighten. I fight back the urge of tears, and I look away from him.
"Because he's going to be a father," I say, and Ben gasps.
"You're pregnant?" he asks, and I just sigh.
"No. Tatum is," I simply say, and I could tell he got the message when I say that.
"With Andy's baby?" he asks, pretty sure to reassure what's going on.
"Yes, Ben. With Andy's baby," I mutter, and he just looks at me.
"But why are you mad at Brandon?" Ben asks, and I started to get frustrated with his questions.
"Ben, that's something I don't want to talk about," I reply, so he stays silent. "So what's going on with you that you're stressing out?" I ask, and he just stares at me. "Oh, come on! You don't want to spill, yet you want to know about me," I say as we finally made it to 7 Eleven. We got greeted, and I greeted back.
"I don't know if this is okay to ask, but is it okay if I go back with Acacia?" Ben asks, and I stare at him blankly. "I mean, I know you're busy with you're relationship, but what would you do?" he ask, looking at him.
"Are you fucking stupid?" I snap. He just stares at me surprised and confused.
"What?" he ask, not knowing what's going on.
"Ben, if you want to go back with Acacia by heart, then go to her. Stop being a little bitch and being so '-ish' with your decisions. If you really want to work things out, then work things out. All my decisions were by heart,-actually, bad example. But still," I say, and he just smiles.
"Thanks, Amber. Wait, do I wait for the good timing to say it or...?" he keeps asking.
"Ben, I got the perfect idea for you," I say with the most cleverest smirk I could have.

*Brandon*

"She...kissed you," Andy repeated, and I just looked at him. "Did you do it to get back at me?" he snapped, and I quickly brought my hands up surrender.
"No, dude. I pushed her away, why do you think she's not talking to me?!" I explain to him.
"So she's mad because you pushed her away?" Brent asks, and Hayden just groans.
"Drama! Drama! And more drama!" Hayden shouts as he goes to the fridge to get a beer. "Brent, you want one?" Hayden offers, and Brent, of course, accepts the offer.
"I need one," Andy growls, but Hayden stops him along the way.
"No, getting drunk is the reason Brandon knows. Now, you're going to solve this and work this out," Hayden tells him as if he was a child.
"I'm getting Dave. He needs too give his opinion on this," Brent says. He gets his phone out, and leaves while having his phone to his ear.
"God damn, he's lucky," Hayden murmurs. He takes a quick sip of his Bud.
"Why?" I ask, knowing he is going to get me a shitty answer.
"Because he's out with his girl and not dealing with your guys' shit. I mean, come on. Can't Amber move on from you, like when will she," Hayden starts complaining, and Amber comes up. "Like Amber needs to control her shit. She's too much drama, and she needs to decide who she wants to be with. I mean, you can cry like a bitch, but that won't solve anything," he finishes with a sip of his beer. Amber just stares at him. She shaking her can, and she acts like she just comes it. I bet she pretends to struggles with it because she manages to get Hayden to open it. She scoots away quick, and the drink explodes all over his face. He throws the can as a reflex, but there is still juices going down his face. He rubs his eyes, assuming it when to his eyes.
"Shit, my eyes burn," he cried, but Amber just glared at him.
"I mean, you can cry like a bitch, but that won't solve anything," she snaps back, and she gives him one final glare. She walks to her bunk, which she stays. Ben, Andy and I had our jaws hanging down in surprise. Brent comes back with Dave, and they looked confused.
"What happened?" Brent asks, looking at Hayden's face. Andy went to the fridge to get a beer, and chuckled.
"Drama! Drama! And more drama!" Andy chuckled, and he open the can to take a huge gulp of it.

*Amber*

God, I'm sorry I'm so much drama for you.
Maybe, if you had a uterus, you would understand. I mean, I'm sorry I'm really such trouble.
"Babe, we're getting something to eat would you like to come," Andy informs, but I really don't feel like replying.
" 'Kay," I say as I hold my pillow tight, ready for a question.
"Brandon 's going to stay too," he continues. "Another way you can work it out," he murmurs lastly as his presence left, and all I hear is the laughter of the guys fade out, followed by the door slam. I get down so I can get a soda, and Brandon comes near the fridge with his hands in his pocket. He looks at me with his puppy eyes, and I quickly look away, trying to not fall for his curse.
"Can we talk?" Brandon asks softly. I felt my heart racing, and the adrenaline coming up for no reason.
"There is no reason to talk," I reply sternly, but I glance at him to see his face.
"Amber," he says,"I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted this to happen," he continues, but I didn't want to hear no longer.
"Well, it did," I say as I walk away. I felt his hand grab my wrist, and he pulled me to him.
"Amber, hear me out. Please," he cries. I turn to him, and I look at him straight in the eyes.
"Go ahead," I say. He walks up to me, and he not that far away from my lips. I swear, he was doing this on purpose.
"I love you, but I can't keep going back and forth between us-"
"You pushed me away! You know I loved you and you pushed me away! Have you ever stop to think about-"
I was shoved against the wall, and he lips smash against mine. He got off my lips, and I just stared at him. My eyes locked with his, and I was in shock. I pull him back against my lips, but he didn't kiss me back. I pull away, and I just glared at him.
"You can't keep going back and forth between us?! Fine! I'm done with you! I'm done with Andy! I'm done with both of you!" I say, feeling the tears slide down my cheeks. His look of guilt wash over him, and the numbness took over me. I walk past him, and I exit the vehicle. I see the guys with the bags of food coming close, but I didn't want to run. I wanted to escape the emotions and thoughts that were smothering me. I around the RV, and I sit on top of it, trying to relieve myself. I see the sunset fade and blend with the colors. I wish my life was like that. All the colors blended in with each other perfectly, but all my colors had harsh lines that wouldn't blend. You can't change the colors, but add more to help blend.
"Is there room for one more?" Dave snapped me out of my thoughts. I nod, and I noticed that he was bringing food. He sits right next to me, and opens the bag of food. "Here," he hands me a box. I look at it to noticed they were chicken nuggets. I was hungry.
"Thanks," I say softly, and I feel his eyes on me.
"Amber, what's going on?" Dave asks, and I close my chicken nuggets box.
"Look at the sunset. Do you noticed they all blend together?" I share my thoughts. "I want my life to be like that, but instead, I have harsh lines that don't want to blend," I continue.
"I mean, you're right," Dave starts," but are you going to compare your sunset with everyone else's for the rest of your life?" he asks. "Or are you going to blend until you have the perfect sunset that you want?"

He had a point.
"Dave, I'm trying to get my shit together," I groan, and he just looks at me.
"Amber, I know. The thing is, stop trying to clean a mess that wasn't even there," he says.
"Dave, do you even know what's going on?" I ask, and he shook his head.
"I asked, but you didn't really give me an idea," he answers, and I laugh.
"Sorry, it's just that I kissed Brandon, and he pushed me away. Then, I found out that my boyfriend's the father of my best friend's ex-girlfriend baby," I say. I have the tears sliding again, and I felt his arm pull me close. "Then, no less than half an hour ago, he kissed me again, but when I kiss him, he doesn't kiss back," I sob into his shoulder, and he just lets me cry on his shoulder.
"You're frustrated, aren't you?" he asks, and I can't help to nod against his shoulder.
"I hate that Brandon play with my feelings, and I hate that Andy makes the mistakes that I almost can't forgive him for," I take my hand, and I wipe off the tears I had on my cheeks. 
"Do you know what you should do?" Dave ask, and I look at him. 
"What?" I sniffled, and he just smirks at me.
"Every time you feel like Brandon's playing with your feelings, tease with his. Although with Andy, you should let him decide if he wants to stay with Tatum or not, then you should decide if you w ant," he answers, and I just nod. He was pretty wise.
"Thanks Dave. I miss you being around," I giggle, and he just smiles at me.
"You have my number, so text me. I know they're being a little rough on you in there, so call me so I can beat their asses," he jokes, or I thought he was.