My Dominant, My Darker Shades

Chapter Five- Pictures Worth How Many Words

"How long have you known?" I asked Vincent as he hung his head as if I would be more angry at the length of time than anything else.

"Two months."

"These were taken two months ago?"

"No." He said quick. "After I fired Earon, and he ran for the hills, I hired another. He dropped me at the college to drop some files and he saw a couple. He is kind of a horndog and followed them but he noticed who it was and told me as the young girl said his name. Various times...It took two months to find them together like this."

"Did you go there each night?"

He nodded. "I knew you wouldn't believe me if I just told you."

"So you came from New York each day?"

"Heavens no. Although I would do anything for you, but no. I didn't do that. I moved here about five months ago. Six maybe. I decided it was best. There's nothing for me in New York."

My eyes fixated on the picture before me. Chase was groping some other girl. A blonde. I knew her but I couldn't remember her name. My heart broke completely in pieces before I looked to my hand and played with the ring that graced my finger.

"I didn't know he asked-I'm sorry."

"Don't me." I said refusing tears. "I should have known something was up. I mean...he's been so distant and taking exceptionally long hours. He even started watching sports which he hates. Working out...I should have known. He even wanted to wear the powder blue tie I got him when he got his new job..."

"He didn't before?"

"He loathed it...but based on her clothes she loves blue. I just feel so stupid."

"Hey, you are not stupid. I was. For not telling you before."

"I just don't understand why..." I rose to my feet and paced in the apartment before he grabbed my arms to calm me as I crashed my head against his chest. Suddenly, all the moments shared with him prior to this one ran through me like electricity. Each memory a sharp pain and desire to continue it. I pulled away but he pulled me back, crashing harder against his chest.

"I won't lie, I was relieved when I saw what happened. When I saw the pictures. I never wanted to hurt you, but I knew maybe this way, I had a chance."

"I don't want to just have sex-"

"Me either. I thought it was what I wanted but seeing you with him. It drove me mad and that's why led me to do what I did. To let you go that way."

I pushed away and my voice was raised-surprising us both. "I killed you! I felt so guilty and I felt so awful and so good because the decision was made already for me. And is what I hate most is even through all the hate and disgust I had for you, I still wanted you so deeply. In my darkest thoughts and my most lustful moments. I wanted it to be you."

"I thought he could give you a better life-a happier one. A more innocent one."

"And where did that leave us?"

"I know, I'm so sorry. Adelaide-"

I shivered as he spoke my name. I missed hearing it. I missed the voice and the tone and the wanting that came with it all.

"Don't. Please."

"Why?"

"You know why."

"I want you to tell me why..."

"Because I can't leave if you come any closer."

"And you think I want you to?"

"That's the problem...I don't want to."

"Then don't." He had walked so close that he was now pinning me against the back of the sofa. His fingers tracing up my knuckles to my cheeks were he went to kiss me but I pushed him off.

"Please. I'm begging you to stay there."

He looked to the ground before looking back to me to see me a wreck. "You broke me Vincent. Made me hate you then kill you-or think I did...how did you do it? I know I stabbed you..."

"Each syringe was filled with a sodium oxygen thing. I don't know what it's called but it made me just pass out. Give me a slight pulse if any and make me immobile."

"And you did all that just to make me happy?"

"I didn't want you to feel guilty for choosing. I knew making you hate me would be easier."

"You're right. I do." I walked toward him and hit his cheek hard, as his head turned due to the impact before he looked back to me and I did it again. As I went to do it a third time, he caught my wrist and held them as if they were fragile but still firm. He walked me against the wall before pushing himself up against me.

"I want you to. I don't want you to just forgive me. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you-I don't deserve anything from you. But I'm begging you'll give me something. Just a sign-something..."

"I don't know. I'm all twisted and confused. I don't know what I want."

"This is it. You haven't pushed me away or left. That's something. Meet me at the docks tomorrow night at sunset. My boat is The Lost Boy. Named by my boss-given to me last year. It's red and white you can't miss it. I'll be waiting for you but if you don't show-I'll leave and won't bother you again..."

Before I could respond, he released his grip before motioning toward the door and taking me to his car. It took ten minutes but felt like an hour before returning to my apartment.

"Just remember something please." His words caught my legs and froze them as I tried to leave. "Let your decision be based on how you felt for me before you hated me. And how you feel about me now. Not about what could go wrong or who you could hurt."