Athena's Enigma

23 - New Realizations

Peyton was leaning back in my chair holding her head in a thoughtful position. I, on the other hand, was pacing the floor in front of her. 

“You want to like this other guy because you don’t want to like your non boyfriend for real?” Peyton furrowed her eyebrows.

I sighed while speeding up slightly in my pacing. “Isn’t that what you told me to do?”

“I said you should leave your options open,” she corrected raising her voice slightly.

I stopped moving and held up my hands in surrender. “Well excuse me! I’m not the ‘love’ expert here!”

Peyton sighed. “Why did you run away? You knew he wanted to kiss you so why didn’t you let him?”

“You told me to stay away from him and that I should find a distraction from my feelings for him. I thought a kiss would just fuel those feelings so I didn’t want him to do it,” I explained quickly not believing her attitude. Wasn’t she on my side before all this happened?

“You didn’t want him to kiss you until you realized that you could be kissed by a total stranger right?” Peyton clarified. I didn’t reply since I had already told her this and she took my silence as confirmation. “This is so not going the way I thought it would.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “You had this night planned out?”

“I expected it to end differently,” she admitted. “Your ‘not boyfriend’ admitted that he had feelings for you and not this other girl but you just told him off despite your infatuation for him?”

I sighed slumping down onto the nearest seat before nodding miserably.

“Are you two still fake-dating?”

I shrugged. “I told him that I would stay with him until the ball like we previously agreed.”

“But he actually admitted that he liked you and not just thought it?” Peyton asked totally ignoring me.

I nodded and started paying extra attention to my hands. My head seemed to throb a little bit as I thought all this out.

“I didn’t feel anything,” I mumbled suddenly.

Peyton looked at me like she was caught completely off guard. “What do you mean?”

I fiddled with my fingers. “When Jason kissed me, I didn’t feel a spark or fireworks or anything. Does that mean he’s not my soul mate?”

“No,” Peyton said quickly. “While you two were kissing, you thought he was someone else. Therefore you weren’t in the right state of mind.”

“I don’t understand.”

Peyton shrugged looking helpless as she stood up and walked over until she was standing in front of me. “Okay, here is what you’re going to do…”

Something flared inside me and before I knew it I was inches away from Peyton’s face. She took a step back from me in surprise and before she could ask anything I yelled, “I’ve done everything you’ve told or advised me to! Then every time I do, something goes wrong because apparently I take everything you say the wrong way. I’m not listening to you anymore. You can take your ‘advice’ and shove it up your ass!”

Peyton’s jaw dropped and she seemed utterly speechless. I started to breathe easier after it was all out and I started trying to figure out what was going in my brain.

Finally she seemed to come to terms with what I just said. She wordlessly grabbed her jacket and headed out the door.

Before she left completely thought she called out, “You’re being entirely overdramatic with all of this. This isn’t a TV show. If you like the guy then be with him and if you don’t then don’t. It’s pretty simple when you actually think about it.”